Jon Hamm.

It's good to be Jon Hamm.

That right there is the face of a guy who just had a story published in NY Magazine about how big his, ahem, "package he's carrying" really is. 

Seriously: LINK HERE

Of course he's wearing a Cardinals cap. Of course. 

I love spring!

And in St. Louis, we're going to have a spring sooner or later. But until then, feets of snow keep piling up on our lawns and shared public spaces. So we might as well make Cardinals snow art, right?

Friend of the the site @Dathan7 is back at it with a Chris Carpenter/Yadier Molina set piece. 

Enjoy...

By the way, Opening Day? Less than a week from now. Maybe we'll take a cue from US soccer and just play on? 

What's that? 

You want to check in on the Cards Diaspora BS Detector and see who the stunning mind that leads the pack after the first 2 rounds is? Well, OK. Let's do that.

Well, would you look at that. All alone in first place. 

I guess you really didn't want to know after all, did you? If it makes you feel any better, New Mexico is pretty much making sure that I won't end up winning the whole deal and one of you will indeed take home the big prize.

Also, Dunk City. 

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In the mid 90s, the Hooks' tried to do Spring Training. 

We went to St. Petersburg with grandma and grandpa and mom and dad and brother and got in part of a game. Then it started raining. And the rain turned into a hurricane. 

Highlights of the trip included: watching hotel staff throw everything they could find into the pool so it wouldn't blow away, driving in a rental van that had some windows blown out and seeing how far I could walk against the wind without getting blown backwards.

Several years later, it' s a memorable trip. Long story, short? I hadn't been to a Spring Training since then. So when the real job sent me to Phoenix for some business late last week, I had a little free time to take in my first real Spring Training game that didn't involve pending doom.

Seeing as I'm also a tremendous nerd, I took some pictures. So let's take a tour of the spring home of the AZ Diamondbacks and Colorado Rockies: Salt River Fields @ Talking Stick.

Here's the entrance to the field. I'm going to warn you right now, this is going to be a PSA for this facility. It was pretty much everything you'd want from a baseball field. Every single thing was thought through.

Home to the Diamondbacks and Rockies, Talking Stick opened in 2011 and until next year, is the newest Spring Training field in the Cactus League. 

I'm writing this post in the middle of a snowstorm. They have no such problems in AZ. In fact, they have sunscreen stations at multiple locations in the outfield for pasty white Midwesterners like me.

Three things to note in this pic. 1) Laying in the grass, drinking beer on a 87 degree March day isn't a bad way to spend a Friday. These people seem to agree. 2) Yes, that girl and guy have their shirts off, as did many others. 3) I can't imagine the water bill at this place. That field was immaculate and green.

The view up the 1st base line. The walking concourses were really wide. So even when people stopped to watch some of the game, there never was a bottleneck. I'm thinking that the Busch Stadium designers wish they could re-do the section of restrooms by the Stan Musial entrance where foot traffic is always backed up...

Not bad seats. Yes, Hunter Pence looked crazy from this close too. (Not pitcured)

Guess I didn't realize the business that Spring Training has become. The stadium was packed for a split squad game. I name checked Pence above only because he was the 1 guy I actually recognized.

Heck. Yes. The Whiffle Ball stadium should be a part of every single new ballpark built. Period. Not nearly as nice as the one at Petco Park in San Diego, but still, pretty sweet. 

So they had these viewing decks in the outfield. Inside were stores and gift shops, but on top of them, were some pretty awesome views of the field.

And to wrap this up, here's my stab at art. And by that I mean, I didn't see that there was a big stick in front of me, until I took this picture.

Grade? A

If you're headed out from Downtown Phoenix, be warned. Everyone claims that everything is 20-25 minutes from downtown, regardless of how far away it is. This is a good 35-40 minutes away from downtown.

Let me preface all of this by saying I love Chris Carpenter. Like, quite a bit. 

I think that he's one of the very rare players that are not only popular during their tenure, but will only gain popularity as time moves on. 

Bob Gibson. Willie McGee. Stan Musial. These greats were loved in St. Louis as they played and are more beloved today. Chris Carpenter will be one of those guys. He gets the city, the team, the fans.

So, just what in the hell is he doing?

Yesterday, Carp showed up at Spring Training. The media was a bit caught off-guard, but his presence was a welcome diversion from the pitter patter of daily camp activity. 

On Feb 5th it was announced that Carpenter would miss the 2013 season because of arm and neck troubles. GM John Mozeliak was asked if he envisioned the pitcher returning and he said "Do I envision Carp returning? I would say it's very unlikely, so, no."

Carpenter didn't retire at that news conference.

Us more cynical of the situation wondered why he would, since retiring would leave 12.5 million dollars on the table. As long as Carp went through Cardinal approved rehab, he would collect his money. I'm not going to say I wouldn't do the same thing... but the refusal to throw in the towel left a crack in the door for his return at some point.

A month later, Carp is talking. And here's what he told the Washington Post:

"I'm not going to have surgery anymore. We'll see what happens. I don't see it. With the things that are going on in the times of every day life, I just don't see it getting better to be honest with you." Asked if he wants to continue pitching: "I do, I just don't think I can."

So this is the retirement?

Again, no. 

Carpenter seems to be having a hard time letting go. And for a guy that lived and died with games he started, I'm not surprised. But just like when Sean told Lindsay that he loved her while dumping her... this was an ill-fated public appearance.

Chris: get your money. Get every dollar of it. But if you're going to do it this way, then stop talking to the media.

You can't go in front of a bunch of reporters and tell them that you don't think you're ever going to pitch again, but not retire. Either you're going to make a run at it one last time or you're not.

Enough of being in the middle.

Trust me, we want to get on with celebrating your career as a Cardinal. And we can do it ASAP or we can wait until you make it official after the season. Either way is good. But it's not in anyone's best interest to muddy the waters. And then do it again.

Chris Carpenter has been great at reading St. Louis. But it looks as if he might need some cheaters to see his media work is missing the mark.

5 years? How long are you guys seriously going to put up with this site?

But since we're still around, we might as well run our NCAA Bracket challenge back.

It’s called the BS Detector because if you didn’t enter your bracket and you’re claiming to have had the biggest upsets of the tournament, we just don’t believe you. Enter your bracket via the link below and you'll get our respect. 

LINK HERE

As always, it’s free to play and you have until THU 03/21 @ 10:30a CST to enter to win. Good luck this year. Hopefully you do better than 2012.

In order to make it worth your time, we'll be giving away $50 and some other random goodies you may or may not be interested in. But still... $50 bucks. 

We're inching closer to real baseball, and today the Cardinals announced that Adam Wainwright will be the Opening Day starter. 

This surprises no one.

But there are still some big issues to resolve before the Cardinals start the season. So let's break down where we're at headed into the last 2 weeks of spring.

Oscar. Will he make the team? Looks like this is a no. He's been getting some PT still, but his average has tailed off the past week as better pitchers go deeper into games. He should be fine for the long-haul since he's a guy that kills pitching that's close to the plate, but the Cardinals don't want to start the clock on his MLB service time unless they have to. They don't have to. 15% he opens his MLB career in April 2013.

Shelby or Kelly. Who's the 5th starter? Miller might have to be spectacular to win the job at this point. Kelly out performed him this week in the game the press has hyped as a 'showdown'. Miller might be optioned to let him work a regular turn as a starter, even though some want him to take the Adam Wainwright path and play from the MLB bullpen. 75% chance Joe Kelly is the 5th starter.

Kozma or Cedeno. Who's the SS? Kozma. 90% chance.

I'd spend more time going over this battle, but it's not even close at this point. Cedeno has been slow playing his ramp up the regular season. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Now, the Friday Links...

Found dog. LINK HERE

College. LINK HERE

Don't mess with painted cowboy. LINK HERE

The 55 gallon bucket of lube. LINK HERE (SFW)

JT on SNL. LINK HERE

How you resume. LINK HERE

Yes. That JT link wasn't ironic. He pretty much killed it on SNL and we're going to have to prepare to accept the fact that your grandparents had Sinatra. Your parents had the Beatles. And we have JT. Have the best St. Patrick's Day weekend you can possibly have. Keep it respectable kids.

What. The. Heck. 

So STL wecolmed The Flying Saucer, a new bar, to town last week. They've got 200 beers on tap, doors close to Busch Stadium and a cool little deal where you get a plate (sacuer) posted on the wall once you try all 200 beers.

You can only get 3 punches on your card at a time, so the soonest you can get a plate is 67 days.

Oh, and on the plate? You can write whatever you want.

That's where Joe Hoffmann comes in. He's a Royals fan living in STL. And his plans is (was) to make the first plate a memorial to Don Denkinger (see 1:27 of this video for a refresher if you forgot who Don was).

Eeeeeek.

Fortunatly, we have a protagonist in this saga... Richard Haegele. This proud American and Cardinal fan has decided to match Joe, drink for drink and have the first plate be a tribute to Stan Musial. 

You can contribute to his cause: LINK HERE

Thanks to Ashley Petterson for pointing out Jessica Lussenhop's story on this. We'll keep you updated if any major news breaks in the next two months.

Carlos Beltran is tired.

But not too tired to take a selfie right before he dreams of whatever Carlos Beltran dreams about (nose jobs for teammates?)

Instagram. Making baseball better for all of us:

It's here.

The final, final Bachlor of the 2013 season. Sean is going to pick one of two women to spend the rest of his life with. And by rest of his life, we mean until US Weekly stopts reporting on the new couple and need to split up to generate some "buzz".

We're covering it live. 7p to 10p central time tonight. Join. Share.