Coach Mac, who’s been referenced on this site for years, is an odd duck.

For years, his carousing was notorious. Women all over the Midwest have been tortured by his ruggedly good looks and his ravishing personality. You know that song "Cowboy Casanova" Carrie Underwood put out a while back? Yeah- Coach Mac.

Then he decided a little over a year ago that he wanted a wife and a house and he wanted it all YESTERDAY. So he found a lovely lady, proposed months later and bought a cottage-ish house in SoCo STL and the rest is history.

But before he commits to sleeping with one woman FOREVER (!) he wanted one last stab at Las Vegas as a bachelor. So we obliged. And by the time you’re reading this on Friday I will be knee deep in Makers and craps. 

Envy me, sne-atches.

Here’s a rundown of Cardinals reading you might have missed this week:

• InsideSTL: The first dong honking column about Pujols this year? Sort of.
• Brewers Bar: I had a guest column answering some questions on the 2010 Cardinals.
• Bleacher Report: The top 7 STL opening day traditions.

I promise that if I win a bunch of money, you will get absolutely none of it. I love you, but I want you to know that you’re going to have to make your own way out there and what message would that send to people if I kept propping you up?

Now, the Friday Links…

• Loud guy is scared as hell to be living in the STL. LINK HERE
• Let me introduce you to the what is being hailed as "the strongest women on the internet". LINK HERE
• You wanna see a guy get his ass kicked with a rolled up magazine? Of course you do. LINK HERE
• A history of the world famous WSJ hedcuts. Interesting. LINK HERE
• I suggest you setting this as your homepage ASAP. LINK HERE
• The future of the fight against cancer. Some good news this Friday. LINK HERE
• Even though this link is about baseball, half of you will hate it with a passion and the other half will just hate it. LINK HERE

Have a kick-ass weekend everyone. We'll be back here next week to talk about what it's like to really have a tiger in your room, what Mike Tyson is like in real life and just how in the hell you return a baby without getting in trouble with the law.

Like Hooks mentioned yesterday, we've been kind of dicking around for a while when it comes to writing about the Cardinals. But after the initial rush of spring training, Mac Wire interviews, and Flip Lopez signing...what has there been to talk about?

Holliday rib injury? Meh.

Bert's creeky old back? Talk to me in June when he's got 25 jacks already.

Fifth starter? Third base? Valid questions/concerns, but neither of those things will kill a 2010 playoff run in April or May. And the Cardinals at least have capable guys to plug into those spots, it's not like Pedro Martinez is a must-sign right now (even though that'd be awesome).

So moral of the story? Dicking around is a lot more fun.

But yesterday - shit actually happened. An almost mid-season lineup started the game (including Albert and Holliday) and ended up beating the Orioles 4-2 (this is extremely misleading because Matt Wieters was on the bench for the O's, thus wasn't able to crush Rich Hill's 85 mph heater into orbit).

First, the good news: Albert Pujols is appearing in an upcoming Got Milk? print ad. I still don't have my box of Wheaties FUEL, so this is extra motivation to be like Bert by eating a nutritious breakfast, then dominating my opponents on 270 and 40 every morning at 8:45. More importantly, where can I get that poster, because that's the most badass thing I've ever seen.

Next the interesting news: Jaime Garcia looks like he's locked up the fifth starter spot. Some proactive writer usually points out how many starts the 5th man is projected to get early on, but I haven't seen it yet, so here goes. It looks like the Cardinals wouldn't technically need the fifth starter to go until April 20, the 14th game of the season. Now it would be completely silly to unleash Wainwright and Carpenter out of the gate for 7 or 8 innings every fifth day, so you've got to figure Garcia won't get set aside for that long. But he'd almost have to be on some kind of pitch count or innings limit for the first month or two. He only threw about 40 minor league innings last year, there's no need to Dusty Baker-ize the kid so soon after Tommy John surgery. If Garcia is dealt with carefully, and ends up showing some of the talent that was talked about so much in 2008, this could be a scary good rotation. We might even convince that Giants guy by June.

Side note - I really wanted to see Rich Hill succeed. Hopefully he takes a minor league assignment to see if he can work out the kinks and be useful to the Cardinals in 2010. If not, it's pretty sad to see young pitchers just fizzle out after a couple years. I'm all for Garcia pitching in the bigs this year, but it's too bad Hill didn't make the decision a little harder.

And now the bad news (if you're a female, I'm sure you know already know this): Yadi strained his right oblique yesterday while sliding into second base, so his status for April 5th in Cincy is up in the air. I believe the bigger news is that this is the first time that a Molina has proven that they have anything other than beef and Twinkies inside their body, let alone muscular tissue. I'm almost putting this into the "Meh" category as well, but oblique injuries aren't usually shaken off too easily. I hope Bryan Anderson or Matt Pagnozzi don't get any false hope about making the 25-man at the start of the season. I've had them for six years already on my Triple-A fantasy team, and I'm really counting on their outstanding production for a seventh championship.

Overall, the injuries are a little concerning though. Hopefully it's more coincidence than trend for the rest of the year. Maybe if Tim Tebow could say a little prayer to big baby Jesus for us, everything will turn out alright.

Well, eventually we all knew it would come to this: we’d eventually have to start talking baseball on this stupid baseball site.

Ugh.

But what about American Idol (bu-bye Paige) or the NCAA tourney (bu-bye Cornell) or The Jersey Shore 2 (bu-bye moral fabric of America)? I know. I know. But the overlords that own this site mandated that we at least make a veiled effort to talk about the Cardinals. Actually, it was more like an e-mail that simply said:

“Tell me why we keyword optimized this site with baseball again?”

Fair enough.

Luckily a fine gent by the name of Jaymes Langrehr e-mailed me this week and wanted to know if I’d answer some questions for his Milwaukee Brewers site, Brewers Bar.

Ha! Perfect! I’ll just spew some BS and not even have to think of an interesting premise myself? Money.

GETTING TO KNOW THE ENEMY: ST. LOUIS CARDINALS

Re-reading what I wrote, It really did hit me hard that I’m one of the top baseball minds in this country. I’ve got a knack for not only insightful analysis, but also breathtaking wit. I’m the new Bill James… but sexier. Go ME!

Check it out, if you haven’t clicked already. Every click nets Jaymes .001 cents. This is about what I’d pay for a Miller Lite. That shit is nasty.

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I spent all night slaving over a hot keyboard to bring you new Bleacher Report madness:

The TOP 7 STL OPENING DAY TRADITIONS

Do me a solid and check the slideshow and witty banter out.

PSA:

I’m not trying to hash your buzz on this Tuesday- but yesterday we got news at CD HQ that a friend of the site and his friend perished in a house fire.

Do me a personal favor today and CHECK YOUR FUCKING SMOKE DECTECTORS.

Tragedies can and do happen, but when something as simple as making sure smoke detectors are operable can prevent them- then please, please do it.

Our condolences to the families involved.

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I have no opinion on the newly passed heath care reform bill that passed late last night. I really don't. It seems like nobody knows why they're for or against it. But the one thing everybody talks about is baby killing. In fact, one guy even yelled out "Baby Killer!" on the house of the floor to some other guy that's a big anti-abortion congressman, but decided to vote for the bill. Baby killer? Are you fucking kidding me man? These is how law is made?...

I'm not kidding you when I say that every single person in Congress and the Senate should go away forever. I think we need 100% turnover. Get 'em all out of there. If that kind of shit is how government is run, I'm out. Peace. The only time I want to think about abortion is the 16 Sunday's a year the Rams play...

The Slanch Report checks in with this guy in Moscow Mills Missouri that decided to mow his cornfield into an intricate Cardinals logo. I can barely write in cursive and this guy is out cutting perfectly symmetrical logos in his corn? Man, fuck him..

How you're brackets doing chief?

Here are the standings in the 2nd Annual Cards Diaspora BS Detector...

First day of spring, huh? You could have fooled me. The rain, cold and wind need to go away from St. Louis for a long, long time...

After years of busting balls on UK basketball, guess who decided to cuddle up with Big Blue this past weekend in New Orleans? That's right, the BR Mom. Who is also reporting that P Pat has "really hard abs" and "couldn't be a nicer boy". She broke the #1 rule of fandom: Don't make nice with the enemy... you might just like what you feel...

I'm not going to sit here and act like I have any morals whatsoever. But I have run across a few people that do. So in an effort to not go directly to hell, why don't you take a look at the 2nd Annual Taste of Edwardsville's website and see if it's something you might be into. If you have anything you'd like to donate or would like a ticket, please contact the people on the site...

On Friday, I wrote a piece for InsideSTL about how the Cardinals have pretty much took that spring training dong and honked it for 5 weeks now. Well, the team had a loss and and a rain out since we left them. So I'm pretty sure this piece still applies. Take a read if you missed it last week...

I'm not a video game nerd. Twitter? Yes! Video games? Frankly, I suck at them. Even Wii. But I always did love one game: NBA Jam. It was GREAT. Well guess what- they re-made the franchise and the teaser trailer for the game looks like it could but NBA Jam back on the map to a new generation of gamers that never knew the thrill of hearing "He's... On... FIRE!!!"...

Basketball withdrawals are heavy, man. 4 days straight of what seems like round the clock hoops and all of a sudden you get nothing. If they really expand this sucker to 96 teams and play games on Tues through Sun, I might just not be able to handle it...

Have you been on Chatroulette?

Do you know what Chatroulette is?

For the uninitiated, Chatroulette is a website with a very simple premise. You get on the site and then you will randomly be connected with someone else on the site via video, sound and chat.

And then?

Well. Whatever you want. Some people are looking for hot chicks or dudes. Other people want to actually have a conversation. Many guys will want to show you their dick. You really have no idea what the hell is going to pop up on the other end. And I guess that's the real thrill with the site.

Simple. Creepy. Awesome.

So last week this guy who calls himself 'Merton' decided to set up a piano rig and play songs about the people that he got connected with.  Pretty brilliant video, and if you haven't seen it- watch it below.

Well this Merton cat went viral pretty much overnight. It was funny, original and most importantly on YouTube.

Immediately, the Internet decided that since Merton was wearing a hoodie and looked like a hipster that he must actually be Ben Folds.

Well, turns out, it wasn't Ben Folds... BUT... Ben Folds decided to do the same exact thing... during a CONCERT!

So now random people are on this stupid site and all of a sudden they're in front of thousands of people in Charlotte in the middle of a concert about themselves.

You can also see that video below.

On this Sunday, let's give thanks for your health, family and the motherfucking Internet.

You probably don’t know that I was awarded an undergraduate degree (barely) from Murray State University. But it’s true.

I don’t blame you, though. I don’t think that I’ve ever really had much reason to talk about Murray unless someone asked me directly. And the Kentucky college town isn’t exactly the epicenter of the 24-hour news cycle for most media outlets.

Today, though, I think we can all agree that Murray Kentucky is the coolest place on earth:

 

As a sports fan, it’s pretty cool to click on ESPN and see a picture of a miracle Racer shot. It’s awesome to turn on the radio for the AM commute and hear Mike & Mike tease their upcoming interview with MSU’s head coach. And frankly, it’s alarming, when people at work come up to you and ask you if you went to Murray…

“Uhhh, yes?”

DUDE- That’s awesome!

Awesome? I mean yeah, there were tons of hot chicks, copious amounts of drugs and booze and a lax educational structure that was described by US News and World Report as “a real life Animal House”… but awesome?

READ InsideSTL for CARDINALS STUFF HERE

You know what. Fuck it. It IS AWESOME.

And with Butler’s pasty white wash getting thrown at the more athletic Racers in round 2, I just might be in Las Vegas next week with Kentucky AND Murray in the Sweet 16.

Whoa.

Now some links…

• Yes. This is artwork. Got a problem with that motherfucker? LINK HERE
• The meanest thing you will see all week. LINK HERE
• Woman aims to be the world's fattest. Read to the end for the best part. LINK HERE (HT: FWC)
• For you IASIP fans, it looks like Mac has changed his tune in his later years. LINK HERE
• A very informative look at how a grenade actually works. Interesting. LINK HERE
• Do your kid a favor and pull him out of soccer. Right now. LINK HERE
• The world's first documented unicycle front flip. LINK HERE

Back to watching ungodly amounts of basketball. Until the next time. Peace in the middle east.

Edit: Devestation. Who the hell invited Bruce Weber to draw up the Racers last play?

Settle in big boy, the best four-day span of the year is upon us (unless you go to that place in Nevada to spend a long weekend boozing and playing with those stripper ladies I've heard so much about).

By now, this probably isn't the first time you've been glued to the television for March Madness, completely ignoring your special lady and kids for 96 hours straight - unless they're gambling on this thing too. So I'm not here to give you tips on what foods to consume (Little Caesars are sprouting up everywhere, just sayin'), what teams to look out for (Siena!), who's got the hottest cheerleaders (M-I-Z...just kidding), or what Cardinals Baseball blog you should only click on from here to eternity (hmm, can't find a good one). But I am here to take you on a little photographic journey.

A timeline of my relationship with the NCAA Tournament, couches, fatty food and booze...

I just was sent this great note from our friends at With Leather:

"Hans Smith, 23, wrote a letter to Sony in 2008, the makers of the game “MLB: The Show,” to express his gratitude for their release of such a realistic game. Smith, who has cerebral palsy and can’t so much as grip an actual baseball, wrote about how the game allowed him to live out the experience of playing baseball. The creators of the game were so touched by his gratitude that they actually put him in the game."

Even better? Hans is a HUGE Cardinals fan.

Check out the whole story: LINK HERE

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In hours, the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship will commence.

If you want to win some prizes- including tanning, haircuts, pizza and more - CLICK HERE

It's free, it's fun, it's better than boobies- It's the Cards Diaspora BS Detector

And just in case you wanted to meet our 2010 National Champions, I've posted the player introductions video below.

(Yes this is a completely self serving post and, yes, I'm starting to realize why people hate us... but gawdamn, that's goose bump inducing. Also, if you don't want a bunch of UK crap around yer face the next 3 weeks, move along.)