The NFL Draft is a bigger part of my life than it should be. Let me explain.

I love pro-football. I’m the guy that’s still happy as hell to go to a STL Rams game, even when they’re the worse than AIDS.

Since 1995 I’ve probably been to 65 to 70 NFL games and win or lose there really isn’t another pro sports environment that’s on par.

EVERYTHING is cut throat.

The players are on edge for their jobs. The coaches more so. The fans expect to win, the owners demand it. A phalanx of ravenous reporters are watching these guys 24/7 365 for any slight fuck up. And to top it off, there are only 8 chances for your fan base to come out and see this all play out in a tight 3 hours.

If baseball is weed, the NFL is crack.

For the past 7 years the same group of friends, give or take a couple new guys here or there, have taken a trip somewhere to watch the NFL Draft. The past couple of years it’s been a cabin deep in the woods of rural Kentucky, but we’ve been to Tampa Bay and some other pretty cool places too.

The trip is still taking place this year… but it sucks, because now the NFL Draft is on a Thursday night in prime time. KSK’s Drew Magary made a good point- that by next year we won’t even remember when it WASN’T a primetime event and in a couple of years the thought of having this marquee event on a Saturday morning will seem downright quaint. Like .99$ gas- yeah, it happened, and it was fun- but it ain’t coming back.

Ever.

Selfishly, I know that this probably means the end of a pretty sweet tradition we’ve got going. Soon these guy’s wives and future wives and future ex-wives and future ex-girlfriends will figure out that their man doesn’t need to take a trip to see David Vabora get drafted in the seventh round. And soon one guy is going to be all “why don’t we just move the weekend, it’s not like we have to even watch the draft anymore, right?” And soon the whole fucking thing will probably fall apart.

Fuck.

Guess it’s time to start figuring out a new tradition. Kentucky Derby? Meh, too old to get that drunk. Masters? Meh, not rich enough. College World Series? Hmm- I’ve always wanted to go see that. Maybe the College World Series.

I’ve also had a tradition on this site of picking the STL Rams first round pick. Last year, I got Jason Smith. But that was the first time I was right since 2005 when the Rams took Alex Barron in the second half of the draft and made me look like a freaking genius to a guy my dad used to work with.

In 2010, the deal is pretty much done, right? I mean the Rams would get murdered if they didn’t take a QB with the first overall pick. And even though you could make the case, I refuse to believe they are that stupid to get pilloried on national TV for 3 hours tonight by going Suh or McCoy.

So, with the number 1 pick- shocking absolutely no one, the rams select SAM BRADFORD (QB – Oklahoma)

Here’s the scouting report: A- arm strength. Good size. Very athletic… but here’s the big UH OH- he never read defenses at Oklahoma. Meaning he looked to the sideline after every college defense was set to see whether to run the play or check out of it. When people say Jimmy Claussen is ‘Pro-Ready’ it’s because he read defenses at ND and had to re-calibrate the offense to that on the fly. Bradford didn’t.

In the NFL that’s 49% of the battle. Another reason why he probably won’t start the season in the huddle, but on the bench.

My gut is worried. Maybe it’s just been countless terrible Sunday’s that are making me nervous about anything the Rams are doing, but I’m worried.

I hope it’s all in vein come 2012.

I love the fact that the MLB Draft is not only right in the middle of the season, it happens while games are going on. The NFL is too cocky to try that (besides the fact that it doesn't make sense)

If you haven't been able to tell, a good chunk of my life revolves around baseball. Like a jealous 16 year old, I always hate when baseball gets overshadowed by football - whether it be draft weekend like this, or September/October playoff drama. Even worse is when there's always a couple bullshit useless stories that come out during the start of training camp, ie. Favre, T.O., Pacman Jones, Chris Henry - oops, too soon?, and it clogs up the first three or four stories of Pardon the Interruption for about a week straight.

But unfortunately, I'll be part of the problem later tonight. It's just so damn compelling/addicting (I'm not sure if those are the right words, but I usually watch way more of the NFL draft than I'd like to admit...so addicting definitely fits). I really don't care what moves Jacksonville is making during the other 364 days of the year, so why care tonight?

I guess it's pretty much "Breaking News" non-stop for 6 hours straight. And that's just round one.

You all know the root of this evil: ESPN. As much as I'd love to live my life without ESPN, it's a million percent impossible if you're a sports fan. I'm truly amazed at how much they've sold the NFL to the entire country over the past 5-10 years. Playing up the "Any Given Sunday" cliches, acting like lighting up the Rams D is on par with diffusing a nuclear bomb (both explode pretty easily, actually). So of course, everyone buys into it because it's ESPN telling them. I'm talking about the same people who enjoy seeing Jay Leno come back to the Tonight Show. Hopefully you don't fall into either one of those categories.

Random thought - could you imagine if baseball had a 16 game season? How sick would that be? Every game would be ace vs. ace. The Pirates would still suck, but we're used to that by now.

So sitting on my couch, watching Mel Kiper and eating brats tonight doesn't mean I'm completely neglecting baseball. At least the Cardinals have the day off, so all St. Louis homer focus can be put towards being the first one to hit up NFLshop.com for a Sam Bradford jersey (side note: what number do you think he'll wear? According to the Rams website, which I'm 99% sure gets less hits than Cards Diaspora and I sort of didn't realize existed [only half joking] - we have a fuckload of WRs in the 10's. Remember when only cool, trendy and good wideouts wore 11 or 18? Seriously, look at that. It's gotta be a record. I think the team will deem it too soon to hand over Bulger's #12. I'm not a big fan of him wearing 10 or 15, so I think S-Brad will rock something like #7 or 8. And just to get this out in the open before everyone else - he needs a cool nickname. The first one to say 'Slammin' Sammy' will get a ball punch from me. Nothing we come up with will be as good as 'Kong Suh, but the Rams have never been one to worry about taking the best player available.)

Weird game in the sand last night. Just weird.

Let’s go to the tape and find the Good, the Bad and the Ugly:

GOOD:

Ryan Ludwick- When he’s locked in, the guy is a good a hitter as the Cardinals have. Like a good hit of acid, you’ve got to ride the lightning when it’s hot. And it looks like right now Ludwick has tapped his alter ego Studwick for the first time in 2010.

Stealing- I’m not positive that Rasmus is going to be a 40+ thief, but 2 attempts last night, at least we’re going to find out if he’s still got the goods with a bigger frame. Plus, by mentioning Rasmus, it gives us a chance to mention THIS!

Resiliency- There was still a shot for the Cards in the ninth inning of last night’s game. They’ve been in  every single game. They’ll lose their fair share, but it doesn’t look like this team is going to get blown out of the water, even on terrible pitching nights. That’s a positive.

BAD:

Home Runs- The Cardinals can’t score a run without a home run. Which, I mean, if they can get 7 runs a game just of the home run, then I guess they’ll be pretty alright. But wouldn’t you like to see them scratch out a run or two a game on something other than the long ball? PS: I just bought stock in the fireworks company that supplies shots to Busch Stadium. I suggest you do the same.

Working Counts- Dan Haren was not spectacular, by any means, Tuesday night. But the Cards refused to work the count consistently and let him get 6 innings in a game that was begging to blow up the AZ bullpen that has been AWFUL this season. The Cards have to get smarter AB’s so talented pitchers don’t have the chance to re-group in a start.

Fans- Of the Diamondbacks, that is. I’m pretty sure 60% of the people that came out to see two pretty good teams clash were Cardinal supporters, as evidenced by the fact that Don Luc was able to spot a buddy of his in the stands during a routine foul ball. That shit shouldn’t happen. NBA game or not. (Bonus points since the buddy was too busy stuffing his face to chase the ball AND double bonus points for Don getting the shot freezed framed to text the guy to prove how fat he was by immortalizing his piggy-ness on camera forever.)

UGLY:

Kyle Lohse- 3 innings. 7 earned runs. Gave up the lead in all three innings… just a piss poor effort all around from the 11 million dollar man. Joe Strauss of the PD reported on Twitter that Lohse was battling a severe head cold, so that could be a contributing factor. His first 2 starts were pedestrian. It’s not time to give up on Kyle, but it is time to expect a better ROI on his contract extension he received after 2008. Starts like these won’t help the perception he’s been a bust.

Dan Haren- 4 hits? The pitcher? COME ON. That’s just craziness.

Mitchell Boggs- Losing faith in this arm. Rapidly. Some guys come in and affect the game positively. Boggs has been the complete antithesis of this guy in 2010.

Good God, do I really blather this much in real life? Please tell me no.

Go ahead and skip to the 16:20 mark for about the best 10 minutes of audio you'll hear all hour. Weed, Acid, Hot Dogs, Fat Chicks, Meth Heads and MORE! (I'm on from the beginning through the 25:00 mark)

LINK HERE

When you put this crap out there long enough, some people are going to revolt.

Not that long ago, I posted a pretty innocuous video of the Murray State Racers last second buzzer beater against Vanderbilt in the NCAA Tournament first round. The game happened on a Thursday and I posted it on a Friday along with the regular links.

Well, a commenter by the name of Dan Eassa didn't like it, I suppose, and posted this:

Being a concerned blog moderator, I wanted to see what this Dan Eassa guy was all about. A disgruntled Vandy grad? A shotgun salesman? My dad?

Turns out, Dan Eassa was a news anchor in south Florida?

I mean, his bio does have him in St. Louis at one point and we have wasted tons of time on this site... but I thought ABC news was the gentle giant of the news gathering industry, Hooks. Me Too! Me Too!

Wait. Now his wife is involved. Let's go back to the comments:

Good. Wrong Dan Eassa.

Then again.. this rebuttal was posted on April 16th, almost a month after the original post. Could it be that Dan's been asleep all that time?

I guess until Dan drops by the CD again and gives us some more clues, we'll never know for sure.

The Dan Eassa saga lives on...

I like Tony LaRussa. I think overall he does way more good for the STL Cards than he hurts them by micro-managing in spots. However, there is a faction of fans that do believe he’s too tinker prone. Those people might enjoy SI’s Joe Posnanski’s quote over the weekend: “If Tony LaRussa is one of baseball's great overmanaging artists, this is his Mona Lisa."…

The greatest QB to even lace up a pair of cleats was on the NPR show Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me over the weekend and The Dragon, a Rams season ticket holder since the franchises inception, reports he did a good job on the show. Listen to the 11 minute clip LINK HERE. Also, NPR stands for National Public Radio. You public school kid…

One of the beautiful things about baseball is its allowance for things to just get real freaky. Much like real life, it doesn’t happen often, but it also doesn’t mean that baseball isn’t into it. She’ll never let a team get bailed out by a clock- you’ve got to put in the work to reach a climax…

The ESPN production value of Sunday night’s game was impeccable. The shots of STL landmarks bumpering every commercial breaks made the city look awesome. But the troika of Joe Morgan, Jon Miller and Orel Hershiser has to be addressed. The addition of a third man in the booth causes a couple of problems. 1) The chemistry is forced. You feel like these guys know the broadcast is sliding downhill and they’re gripping for anything. 2) Jon Miller talks to much to have a 3 man booth. He’s not a ‘let the pictures do the talking’ announcer. He talks a lot. So when three guys are battling for air- it’s really non-stop blathering. Good points are lost in the shuffle because you’re tired of hearing someone all the time…

The starting pitchers for the Cardinals in 2010 have been ridiculous. Even the runs they’re giving up, like last night, are taking fluke plays and mini-miracles. If this offense starts scoring some way other than the home run, look the F out…

Yes, I had to watch the end of the epic 20 inning game at a Jennifer Hudson concert. To be completely honest, I saw exactly 0% of her show. And from this review, it looks like I didn’t miss anything. I’ve never seen a poor concert review from the P-D, let alone one for a charity event, but Kevin Johnson made it clear that Hudson was no Dreamgirl Saturday night LINK HERE…

Still time to vote in the poll below: Who rocked the Cardinal hat harder- Axl Rose or Lil’ Wayne? LINK HERE…

Kenny Motherfuckin' Powers:

Also, I downed the beautiful bacon-wrapped hot dog creation at Busch (bring $8.75 with you). Putting the beans, pickle, onion/pepper/tomato, and fried onions on it really takes away from the bacon, but it's still delicious. Maybe wrapping the entire thing in more bacon would help?

It's cool to be a Cardinals fan- but who is cooler in the STL cap?

Do yourself a favor and take the CD Opinion Poll below and tell us who you think rocks the STL Cards cap harder- Axl Rose, frontman for Guns N’ Roses or Lil’ Wayne, Cash Money Millionaire.

And when you’re done with that, you can meander over to InsideSTL.com and read all about how the Cardinals not closing on series has reached ‘The Situation’ type levels very early in 2010.

COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS. THE CARDINALS? SANKA

Then, after all that, if you still have any webenergy left, I’d suggest pursuing the Friday Links below and really making some fine brain rot.

Less we forget, though:

Now the Friday Links…

• The best Tweet ever Tweeted in the history of Twitter. Bar none. LINK HERE (HT: FWC)
• Very interesting video on the trumpet. Seriously. Take my word for it. LINK HERE (HT: JH)
• Looks like rape might have had it's glory days pass it by. Wow. LINK HERE (HT:JH)
• Hell, it's all out there now, I was saving it... but no use now. LINK HERE (HT:FWC)
• Subway puts the cheese on their subs all wrong, man. LINK HERE (HT:JH)
• Is this guy the baddest badass you've ever seen? I think he might be. LINK HERE
• It's no fun being a Cubs fan these days. Not that it ever was... but still. LINK HERE

Go forth, now, and enjoy this fine 2 day rest period before we crank it all up again Monday.

I've been holding off writing "seriously" about the Cardinals for a few weeks, so why not recycle more ideas (I was way gooder at this bloggin' stuff a couple years ago).

The masses have been begging me to revive the award-winning MS Paint Week in Review. And after hand-crafting these four masterpieces, I once again realized why I quit doing it after one week: I take way too long to put a crappy Paint drawing together.

But hey, enjoy it while it lasts...

On opening day in Cincy, Bert destroyed the entire city, once again with the help of the lasers that come out of his fists. At least that's how I remembered it.

In other arson news, Jason Motte decided to light the mound on fire in two separate appearances, including a walk-off bomb to Jonny fucking Gomes. (Kyle McClellan did too up in Milwaukee, but this column has a pro-Hazelwood bias. Plus McClellan's profile pic doesn't look like this...)

Monday was the home opener in downtown St. Louis. The one, and thank-God-only, Cardinal Cowboy ruined a bunch of tailgater's days by landing in a helicopter. There were no survivors.

And we wrap it up in Hooks' living room on Tuesday night. I said it once, and I'll say it a million more times - when Glee comes on in the Hooks household - Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. The. Way.

What the hell - you've got nothing else to do today. Here are my other MS Paint works of art. If you'd like a framed portrait, or a Fat Head of any of these, please contact the sales dept.