The statue of limitations on ‘bitch’ related motivation has expired. The Cardinals rolled over and shat on themselves this weekend in Busch Stadium. Now back to square one.

Go to any number of websites to see just how bad Brendan Ryan is at bunting or Kyle Lohse is at pitching. Those things are pretty obvious if you saw the game or the ESPN lowlights. 

What’s not so obvious, though, is just what in the F is going to happen to this team. Currently they are 1 game back in the NL Central and right in the mix for the Wild Card, so they’re straddeling the line between postseason and not. They’re almost 15 games over .500, but can’t beat a Cubs team that came into this weekend on a 2-14 streak. They play focused baseball and it looks like they could be anyone, anywhere, but then they don’t and you wonder if they even are a threat for anything.

Seriously- who are these guys and can we reasonably expect anything from them?

We expected them to be great when the season started. They aren’t. We expected them to suck before last week. They don’t, per se. We want zag and they give us zig. To expect the unexpected may be fitting, but then again, not always in a good way.

Any thoughts?

I honestly don’t have any idea what to make of any of this. Anything I write right now could be 100% correct or horribly wrong and I’m getting the feeling that the actual players on the team don’t even know who is going to show up on any given night. They’re like a human version of craps… they get rolled out and sometimes you hit 7/11 and other times snake eyes.

Let’s just assume that we’re going to be on a rollercoaster the rest of the season. No reason for us to believe that this thing is going to right itself in a positive direction.

Buckle in and let’s watch and see just how awesome/awful 2010 will be.

It’s August 13 and as of this morning, the Cardinals still hadn’t played the Cubs at Busch Stadium in 2010. MLB predicted that the Cards and Cubs would be the two battling down the stretch for the NL Central crown, so it made sense to them in January to schedule lots of late season drama between the feuding rivals.

One problem with that line of thought, though… the Cubs SUCK.

WHY MAYBE WE CAN BLAME LARUSSA THIS YEAR on ISTL HERE

The Small Bears forwent their traditional September collapse and upped the ante with the rare, but not the first May collapse, rendering this normally festive day nothing more than a speed bump on the way to a playoff spot. After the first inning, it’s going to be business as usual- Cardinals competing for the ultimate prize, the Cubs wondering who will be the next ‘savior’ to manage this team and leave years later in disgust.

Friend of The CD Will Leitch made an astute observation this week during the Reds series when he said that the Reds are starting to become what we’ve always wanted with the Cubs- a rivalry that not only had the hatred… but also meant something as well. I guess it’s bound to happen at some point, you know, the Cubs have had a couple decent seasons in the past decade- but this is far from the Yanks/Sox or Giants/Dodgers where both sides are laying it out for the greater goal.

Nonetheless, it’s still fun to rub misery in the faces of all the Chicago fans that are en route to St. Louis or the ones already here, living shamefully amongst us.

With that, a season series opens; for one side, a bit too late.

Now The Friday Links…

• A field guide to white people with dreads. LINK HERE
• Who knew parking could be this difficult- a picture show. LINK HERE
• Quite possibly the best CL posting of all time. And that's saying something. LINK HERE
• 12 events that will change everything- an interactive show. LINK HERE
• Facebook will soon implement the 'meh' button. LINK HERE
• The caption on this? Hipster as fuuuuuuck. LINK HERE

Have a big weekend people. Go see the Cardinals. Go see the Rams. Go see the Peas. Just get out of the house- we're starting to worry about you.

40 years ago today, Bob Gibson threw the longest outing of his career.

14 mother trucking Innings!

Our friends over at Harball Times have a good piece on it: LINK HERE

Also, I went on the UCB last night and must have been wired or something, becuase I'm talking very, very fast on my iPhone4. So yes, it's going to drop my call just as I'm making a joke about Carp's steriod usage that sounds totally innapropriate when you don't hear the back half of my thought.

If you'd like to re-live the awfulness of my voice, please go for it. I come in around the 15:00 mark: LINK HERE

Make sure to also read HMW's full Brandon Phillips re-cap below.

Yesterday was a great day to be a Cardinals fan, huh? It was even better being a Cardinals fan who enjoys talking shit on the organization last known for being the 1995 NL Central champs. And that's where the great Fake Mike Shannon comes into play.  One of the next two paragraphs will apply to you:

1) Oh, you still don't have a Twitter account, do you? Good thing we're here to show you how this internet dealy works. Basically, the Fake Mike Shannon Twitter account is run by someone who posts tweets as if he were our hero, the real Mike Shannon - whether it be the infamous Shannonisms ("Bob Gibson is in town Wheww! He would throw one at the Pope on Sunday if he was hogging the plate, heh heh heh"), ice cold frosty Busch, or constant jabs at the Cubs' mediocrity. Easily one of the best Twitter accounts to follow. If you ever sign up. Ever.

2) I agree with you. Fake Mike is wonderful. Let's get to the point.

Yesterday, Fake Mike decided to supply us with some fun Brandon Phillips pictures throughout the day. I'm sure it was hard, seeing how Phillips was lighting up the scoreboard left and right with doubles, bombs and RBIs galore. For those of you who missed it, we decided to gather all the FAIL pics into one neat little post here before shifting the focus onto the Cubbies.

If you happen to make motivational posters or photoshop any of these, send them in. We always like letting other people do the work for us:

Let's go Redbirds! In case you've been in a cave the past 2 nights, here's a series recap, heh heh heh:

I gotta tip my cap to this Phillips kid for speaking his mind. He never complains about anything, heh heh heh.

Phillips is quicker than John Rooney to the pre-game media buffet line, heh heh heh: (Editor's note - is that Eckstein? I think so! Good job B-Flips.)

Phillips is quicker than a cat in Chinatown, heh heh heh: (Ed. note #2 - I didn't think it could get any worse than being tagged out a mile in front of the base by little Davey Eckstein. I stand corrected.)

One other thing I like about Phillips - he's always got his eye on the ball, heh heh heh:

Arroyo plays guitar, Phillips makes bats levitate - I'm tellin ya this is a talented ballclub folks, heh heh heh:

Cardinal bats told Mr. Phillips to sit down and shut up. Guess he listens well. heh heh heh:

(And this was how Fake Mike summed up the day...) There's a lot of bitching & moaning in the Cards' clubhouse. They wish there was a 4th game so they could beat the Reds again, heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh, indeed. Thank you Fake Mike for making un-productivity at work a lot easier.

UPDATE: Now with a Poll! Tell us your favorite. (Er, things you don't think about at 1am)

Now THAT was entertaining baseball, people. Finally the 2010 season has started!

• Watch 'The Brawl' LINK HERE

In case you missed the start of the Cards/Reds game on Tuesday night, the bottom of the 1st inning was marked by a bench clearing scuffle before one pitch was thrown by Jamie Garcia. Carpenter then got tossed into a fence while Johnny Cueto somehow thought kicking wildly would help the fracas. Dusty Baker and Tony LaRussa were ejected. Fines are expected today from the MLB front office for players heavily brandishing slaps.

And we haven't even talked about the game... which happened to be damn fun for pretty much the whole 9 innings.

Of course the leade will be Brandon Phillips and his incendiary comments (see below) about the Cardinals manhood. In the biggest series the Reds have played in years, Phillips has awoken a passion in the Cardinals and their fans that hasn't been seen since Holliday took one off the apple bag in LA last October. We applauded Phillips in this space yesterday and we have to reiterate- his mini-tirade has been nothing but good news for St. Louis. Good job, bub.

And now, if this was a high stakes poker game, the Cardinals are in a dominant position. Sitting on a big stack with the big river card about to come out and take the bump in Wednesday's day game. Even if the Cards take the loss and fall one back of the Reds in the NL Central, I think that everyone is going to be satisfied with 2 out of three. Not happy, mind you. But willing to at least admit that this team does have some passion and will most likely fight their way into the playoffs one way or another.

Before Monday, I don't think we really knew that to be absolutely true.

Let's not forget that the Cardinals are a really good team. They've got the talent to win a World Series on this roster RIGHT NOW. Every team has flaws, but the most frustrating thing about the Cardinals is that their flaws seem to be completely self-created; bad base running, lack of focus, laying down for games at a time, not taking pitches? All very correctable and infinitely avoidable flaws.

Hence the apathy from Cardinal Nation. For fucks sake, this is the same town that will eventually build a statue for Lil Lil Davey Eckstein as a monument to scrappiness, so they'll tolerate losing games as long it looks like your mom got shot when they cut to the locker room later that night. 120 million dollar guys just kind of meh about it? MUTINY!

Personally, I'm just stoked that baseball is something that I'm counting down the hours to in the afternoon, as opposed to something that's better than most of the other crap on TV. When baseball is played like it was tonight, it's a trucking blast.

So maybe the Cardinals have been rope-a-doping the Reds all season long so we can get fired up in August as opposed to shooting our load in June? Probably not.

But it doesn't matter. Since we're all figuring out ways to get to a TV at lunch.

Photo via @Rinawear (Go buy shirts)

“I’d play against these guys with one leg. We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them; they’re little bitches, all of ‘em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear - I hate the Cardinals.”

Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds (HT: Kev B/BR Mom)

Cardinal’s fans were enraged by this quote yesterday from the Reds second baseman. Reaction was pretty universal and it was harsh on B. Phillips.

I don’t blame anyone, either. When somebody calls a group of guys that you’ve got a vested interest in pack of bitches, it’s only natural to go on the defensive. Loyalty is a currency that the Cardinals trade in heavily; in some cases you could argue they abuse fans sense of it. This was a public slap across the face right before the biggest series of the year.

But let’s take a second to applaud Brandon Phillips in this space.

Sports, in general, have become more sanitary than a operating room in the past decade. Athletes have grown of age in a culture of evasive sound bites and flat out vanilla personality. Leagues have legislated out anything that could be considered ‘showing up the opposition’ while ESPN puts anyone willing to chastise an organization or player for any minor infraction on roughly 143 shows every single day.

So when you get a quote like this, I bet your FIRST reaction wasn’t rage… it was wonderment. Did Phillips actually say this? Is this from The Onion? Seriously, he said bitches?

Then you read it in the Dayton Daily News or The Post-Dispatch and got mad.

But Didn’t Brandon Phillips make it easier to root against the Reds? Didn’t he increase the fun in this series? Wasn’t that 7-3 beat down more satisfying? Could you wait until the reporters asked him about this quote after the game? I’d probably thought of Brandon Phillips maybe 4 minutes in my entire life. Now I’m actively rooting against the guy, booing through my TV set at him, hoping he embarrasses himself.

And, really, if we’re going to be honest, sports just aren’t as much fun when you can’t hate the other team.

We may say we want guys like Albert Pujols or Matt Holliday on our side, never saying anything disrespectful and always carefully calculating every syllabal of their life. And we DO want that… on OUR side.

But we also want Brandon Phillips too.

Here’s to Brandon Phillips, a true trailblazer. And a bitch.

It was so disorienting! The whole exercise made me feel unclean and confused and ashamed. Yet even though I was begrudgingly cheering for them to hold it together for a few days, the Cubs could not manage to win even one goddamn game.

What a complete waste! To get all lathered up in toxic energy for absolutely NOTHING was exhausting and ultimately pointless. The fact that they couldn’t stave off this pesky Cincinnati team and help the Cards gain or even just hold ground in the standings was absolutely INFURIATING.

Thanks a lot, assholes! If possible, this weekend made me hate the Scrubbies even more, which at this point probably defies basic mathematical principles. It’s remarkable, really.

Anyhow, my folks actually spent the weekend visiting me in Chicago, so I was at least surrounded by good company. We were able to act as our own dysfunctional little support group, which came in extra handy after Ryan Franklin’s meltdown on Saturday. (Seriously. What was THAT about?)

Additionally, we are prepping for our annual pilgrimage to St. Louis next weekend, which means that most of our conversations about the Cardinals concerned bracing ourselves for the worst. My dad’s parting words as he left town were, “hopefully the next time I see you we won’t be 10 games out of first place.”

So, yeah, along with a lot of other Redbird fans these days, we have become deliciously cynical. There’s no doubt in our minds that things are about to go cataclysmically and irreversibly wrong. We could probably all be treated for bipolar disorder.

Not to mention that after limping out of Florida, I can only imagine how fired up and inspired the Cardinals must be as they head into this series against Cincinnati. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE INJECT A FEW QUARTERS INTO THE MORALE METER? Yeesh.

Now, I know that team chemistry has been widely discussed lately and I tend to agree with the general criticism that things are just not quite right in that clubhouse. With the pedigree and talent splashed all over their roster, there’s no other excuse for the Birds to collectively exude as much energy and enthusiasm as a panda bear on morphine.

Unfortunately, I’m just not sure there’s a cure for it. Even ignoring the glaring defensive holes in the infield, streaky lineup and the clunky backend of the rotation, we could very likely be doomed to ride out the rest of the season coasting on fumes and blind luck. In other words, things are just PEACHY!

You know, it’s incredible how a team that’s two games out of first place can make one want to put a bag over their head, throw every television, radio and computer within a 90 mile radius over a cliff and ignore the rest of the season before we even get midway through August.

Ugh. Are we having fun yet?

August 9, 2010-

It’s hard to believe it’s come to this, actually.

The Reds were chic pick to do something in April. After all, they had a good stable of young arms and 2 legitimate bats with Joey Votto and Jay Bruce. Some forecasted a over .500 record, others were bolder and pegged them as a Wild Card contender. A brave few even hinted that they could challenge the Cardinals deep into the season for the NL Central crown.

No one thought they’d be up 2 games on August 9, 2010, primed to absolutely destroy the Cardinals season by Wednesday. It wasn’t possible. Maybe in 2011 or 2012, but in 2010- the Cardinals had too much NOT to win the division.

But here we are. Sitting on the precipice of disaster. Outside of Busch Stadium where the Cardinals have been an abomination. Waiting to see if the thoughts and hopes we had for this particular team will be validated or exposed as fraudulent optimism pegged on a group of men that are more than willing to take the money and not produce.

If it sounds like we’re making this out to be a bigger deal that it is- then you haven’t been watching this team. While their record tells us they’re one of the elite teams in MLB, their oft lethargic and uninspired play not only has infuriated fans, but put them ass deep in a blood fight for the playoffs.

Yes, the Cardinals can get swept and still win the division or win the Wild Card. No, they won’t cancel the season and start the playoffs immediately if the Birds lose 2 of 3.

That’s not the point.

We want to see some fucking nuts.

A message to Cincinatti that while their story has been cute and fun and warms the cockles of your heart- it’s over. Put the toys away, kids. Play time is over. We want to see 40K fans who are going to finally pack Great American Ballpark curse every last dollar they spent on scalped tickets and murmur curses under their breath, deflated.

It’s time to plant a flag in that wasteland of America known as Ohio. A flag with a big giant red bird flying high. The real red, not some cheap imitation.

Will the Cardinals wilt? Can the Reds prove their worth? Who wants this worse?

Answers starting at 6.

Finally.

How awful is a greasy keyboard.

You can't just wipe it off, either. Because that would require you actually shutting down programs... and is ANYTHING worse that just sitting at a computer waiting for all those bullshit programs you never use to load? No. There isn't. So you're stuck slipping and sliding all over the keyboard, getting your hands disgusting.

The Cardinals need to get disgusting on this road trip.

READ WHY MARK CUBAN SHOULD OWN THE CARDINALS on ISTL

READ RAMS ODDSMAKER ON KURT WARNERS DANCING on SB Nation STL

With 6 games against the Marlins and the Reds, the Cardinals have the opportunity to finally distance themselves in the NL Central. Florida was victim of a horrible call last night and with a proper beat down can be handled in 3 games. Heading to Ohio, the Cardinals will need to finally show some Moxi in what will be the biggest series of the year so far.

I'm not saying it's going to happen, I'm not going to say it's not going to happen.

What I'm saying is that it NEEDS to happen.

We've been waiting on this team to do something since April. And while 12 games over .500 is a wet dream in Pittsburgh or Baltimore this time of the season, for the Cardinals- it's kind of a disappointment.

But here it is- opportunity knocking once again.

I guess if I had to bet, they'll go 3-3 and end up 1 game out coming back home. So we'll have to go through this entire exercise again. The season that won't define itself continues. We'll continue to try and find creepy dads on the Internet that want to sell their kids give-a-ways.

Now, the Friday Links...

• This is how you make a pot house, people. LINK HERE
• Vote on the best Cardinal of All Time. LINK HERE
  
• I'm embarrassed it took me this long to figure out what was going on here. LINK HERE
• Now, this, my friends, is a woman. LINK HERE
• One of the best CL postings this year. LINK HERE (HT: FWC)
• The most disturbing movie posters of all time? LINK HERE
• Louis CK on technology. You old timers will appreciate this. LINK HERE

Have a big weekend kids. See you back here on Monday. If not sooner.