The Bachelorette is back. Let's cut the pitter patter get to the first LiveBlog of the season.
8:01 - That gay crap called Dancing With the Stars is finally over so we can concentrate on the totally hetero Bachelorette. 25 dudes, 1 chick and nothing but manly, manly entertainment for the men of Lami St.
8:03 - The Womack montage we knew we'd have to endure has commenced. Who else is hoping for an update on his current relationship? Is there any chance that isn't the worst relationship in the history of the world by now? Ashley is down and out, or so it would seem.
8:09 - Sadness personified is sexual writhing on the stage. God bless the Bachelorette. God bless everyone involved with this show.
8:15 - A: Ryan P. makes the Taylor Swift heart with his hands and frames the sun. Q: Why does everyone think Ryan P. likes boys?
8:17- Ames. AKA Mr. Perfect. I think this guy just blew up @HumbleBrag.
8:20 - The Jersey Butcher, Anthony. Zero chance of pulling out a win and probably a 10% chance of even getting past tonight with a rose... but damn this guy has Weatherman-esque potential. With an even better background for double entendre.
8:21 - West. Ahhh fuck. There pulling the widow card out again? The exploitation of Emily last year was kind of gross. So the producers decided to do it all over again. Get your bets placed for West in the final 5 right now. You can't cut a widow early unless you're cold-blooded.
8:30 - Ashley sits down with Chris Harrison. A nebulous source has fingered 'Bentley' as a scumbag with an ex-wife and looking to promote his business before he even gets out of the limo. I think we might have the biggest underdog in the history of The Bachelorette!
8:37 - Micky. I promise you that was NOT the reaction he was expecting. Went in for the kiss and Ashley pulled a back muscle jerking away. On the knuckle in the mouth cringe scale? 4 of 5. You know, from "all the men in America".
8:40 - The Butcher... Whoa, game = MEATY! Could we have a darkhorse this year?
8:43 - Jeff. The dude with the mask. And, OF COURSE, he's from St. Louis. So embarrassed for everyone in our city. Did he run this idea by anyone? And if he did, and they gave this a rubberstamp, they should be shot. Twice.
8:52 - Camera Guy. Interesting shtick. And it was taking him places. But then he took it a wee bit too far with the request to get a pic with Harrison inside the mansion.
8:54 - Bentley. He receives the scrunch face from Ashley. I'm typing this live and I'm calling it now... this guy is going at least 3 episodes. Girls can't help themselves. That chick that contacted Ashley should have known they were buying him more time.
9:01 - Cable is out. I've been waiting 4.5 years to say this... what the fuck Charter?
9:02 - We're back. I'm kidding Charter. Love you guys!
Side: Lot of French cuffs on these guys. I don't like French cuffs.
9:05 - Did a guy just willingly use his own mother to clockblock himself on national TV? Did that really happen? Guys, when you have the urge to call mom on your first date, don't.
9:08 - The Mask. Described as a "creighton" by Tim. I wish I could disagree, Tim. I wish I could disagree. I really spent this whole commercial break trying to think of something I've been more embarrassed by from St. Louis. And I can't. I really can't.
9:17 - Tim is as wasted as any contestant in Bachelor/Bachelorette history. Occupation? Liquor distributor. This is painful for him watching this right now. Hiccups, drooling, the whole deal.
9:20 - The Drunk & The Mask are in a heated game of verbal jujitsu. Ashley is one lucky lady.
9:30 - "Let's just take my face out of the equation". I could be wrong here, but whatever is hiding under that thing is going to be a let down, bud. But how long how does this go on? At what point will his insides be properly known? Has he pulled this gimmick in St. Louis before? I need to know.
9:33 - Bentley. Warned by a friend he's dangerous. Has a child and an ex-wife. But seems like a really good guy... so he stays. Women.
First Impression Rose: Ryan P. Heart hands for everyone!
9:42 - Let the cutting commence!
9:43 - The Mask gets the FIRST rose? Get ready Johnny Brocks. A run is upon you tomorrow morning. Lucas Park is going to be very mysterious Saturday night.
9:46 - The kiss that wasn't didn't sink Micky. Let that be a lesson, boys. Be agressive. Girls like that.
9:47 - Bentley. Of course a rose.
9:48 - The Butcher gets chopped. Bad move by the producers... err... Ashley. I think America was going to like the cut of his jib. He seemed to be very tender. Not much blood on his hands. Ok, I'll stop.
9:51 - "I thought Ashley was the one." - Things not to say on camera after an extended happy hour with 24 other dudes and one chick if you want to keep your friends when you get home.
Coming up this season on The Bachelorette...
+ Canoes, boats, trains, buggies, rickshaws and other primitive forms of transport.
+ "Man Claws"
+ The Mask is creeping everyone the hell out.
+ Bentley at least makes out with Ashley once by a fireplace. And then he breaks her heart. If only she'd been warned!
+ An asskicking. Fiji. Love. And more
The Cardinals are in San Diego California for a series with The Fathers. Let’s hope Fresh WC can make it out to one of the games and get some sort of something to put up on The CD this week…
The Cardinals tried mightily to cough up a weekend series in Kansas City, but being the considerate, and less important residents of Missouri, they decided not to take it. After all, the difference between 65 and 66 wins doesn’t mean all that much…
Guess what premieres tonight? That’s right. The Bachelorette is back. Guard and Protect Your Heart and The Weatherman are characters not easily duplicated. And quite candidly, Ashley is no Ali. But we still have high hopes…
The Pujols power outage is real. And it’s scary. The hits he’s getting are dinks, dribblers and the occasional strong single. But Jose hasn’t put a charge into a ball for weeks now. This is the huge elephant in the room and it’s making every very uneasy…
The Lance Armstrong deal isn’t good news. Dude has raised 100’s of millions of dollars for cancer research and treatments over the past decade with an incredible story. But it sure feels like last night’s 60 Minutes piece is just the tip of the iceberg. The government is involved and people are talking. I don’t think he’ll be able to continue to fundraise at the pace he’s been going and that’s sad…
RIP Macho Man…no comments
The KC Royals will never win a World Series again.
Not to be too big a dick about the situation with our neighbors to the west, but it’s not going to happen. Not this year, not next year. Not ever, actually. They’ll always have hope, I suppose, but it’s just not going to happen.
Location: St. Louis has a storied baseball tradition. Fans come from all over the south and Midwest to watch the Cardinals all summer long. They plan vacations around Cardinal baseball. This can partially be attributed to the effect of being the first team west of the Mississippi and also the 100K watt power of KMOX in the days where radio was the preeminent way to consume baseball games.
All the other ‘storied’ baseball towns are destination cities on their own merit. You or I could say “I’m going to… (New York, Boston, LA) for a trip” and no one would question it. They’d say awesome and move on. St. Louis is really the exception to this rule. Meaning that sometimes the Cardinals get a break from players that want to be around the action because they know the Cardinals somehow are getting support from places other than St. Louis.
Money: Which leads us to money. Bitch as we may about Bill DeWitt and this cobweb infested wallet, the dude is spending in the triple digits.
The only reason he can afford this is because of the enormous fan base that has generationally grown with the population. This isn’t something you can just develop. And in the fragmented media landscape we live in now, the chance to grow popularity only comes with superstars.
Superstars: They want money. And they want fame. Two things that the Royals simply can’t provide.
KC is a very nice town. I like visiting there. I have a good time. I’m ready to leave after 2 days. And I’m sure that people from KC have the same view of STL if they were being honest. But if a superstar wants out after 2 days, that means you have to pay him to stay.
So this whole thing becomes circuitous. Can’t afford to pay the superstar because the location isn’t destination, because it isn’t a glamorous city, and you can’t generate the money.
Where does that cycle end?
The Pirates have shown you can make a killing just doing nothing. Treading water and acting like you give a shit now and then. The Royals, bless their hearts, are owned by a former Wal-Mart guy who made money by shaving the margins. And for the past 18 years, this franchise has been irrelevant on every level. Hell, the only sell outs they have are when teams like the Cardinals come to play.
So tell me, where does all this stop? How do they get back to the top? I don’t think it’ll happen. Not because they don’t deserve a chance, but because of the way baseball is set up. Therefore, series like this weekend are the closest the Royals will get to World Series.
Enjoy your 1985 chants. Cardinal fans are actually looking forward.
Now, the Friday Links…
- My Drunk Kitchen. Very entertaining web show. LINK HERE
- This would freak me the hell out on the highway. LINK HERE
- The most entertaining tennis player of all time? LINK HERE
- Fish win. LINK HERE
- Inception chair. LINK HERE
- Play-Dough being shot. LINK HERE
In 2010 Kyle Lohse’s last named was reimagined as a derogatory verb on this site. As in “The Cardinals were doing pretty good, then they got Loshe’d all over their FACES.” Stricken with a dirt bike forearm injury for most of the season, we were steamrolling towards the single worst contract in St. Louis baseball history. 44 million dollars for 10 wins through 2 years and a 5.64 ERA?
Thank you, sir. May I have another. Two. Years. DEAR GOD > WHYYYYY!!!!
Through 9 starts in 2011, though, Lohse is working off a 2.17 ERA and has more wins (5) than he did in all of 2010. Even better, his patented sixth inning meltdown seems to have abated allowing him to go 7 1/3 innings per start.
Much more in line with the 11m/per year that he’s drawing from your pocketbook, right?
At the quarter pole of the baseball season, there is no such thing as certainty. Seeing Matt Holliday and Lance Berkman both exit last night’s tilt with injuries bears this out. But I think we can all reasonably say that Kyle Lohse has been one of the more underrated and pleasant surprises the Cardinals have had in 2011. Some may even say that his steady pitching is the biggest reason the Cardinals are in a virtual tie for first place in the NL Central.
So here’s a Q1 hat tip to the whipping boy of 2011. You took your licks last season on this site, Kyle Lohse. And we’re happy to have you positively contributing to the collective mood of the STL area.no comments
Let's go to the tape a break this sucker down...
1> The 3 year-old in front of me at the game told his dad that Tyler Greene ‘needed to squeeze’. Not so fast, squirt. Looks like Tyler Greene squeezed this one off a bit pre-maturely. And yes, that was double entendre.
2> Gaga Little Monster claws have no place in baseball. Let alone during a play.
3> Stoned? Sleepy? Science says you have a much easier time catching the ball with your eyes open.
4> Lot of arm paraphernalia on this young man. That wrist wrap looks particularly tight. I think we can just blame this on the Cardinals medical staff and call it a day…
The answer was common: get as many right handed bats in the lineup against Clifford Lee as possible. The question, however hadn’t been posed since the early 00’s: why is Albert Pujols starting at third base?
Monday night marked the return of skip LaRussa and his less prominent, but still visible bout with eye shingles and he immediately reminded everyone that the St. Louis Cardinals are his team. After, literally, years of fretting over when/if Pujols’ elbow tendon would completely rupture and leave the team sans their uber- all star for 12 months- TLR said to hell with it and penciled in #5 at the hot corner.
We heard LaRussa. But I guess we didn’t understand LaRussa.
Pujols is a tremendous star, despite his scuffling to start 2011, and he proved it once again by providing stellar defense at a position that is as tough to play as any without preparation. But that still doesn’t mean that putting him there in the first place was a good idea.
One - The Cardinals are already making plans to part ways with Albert at the end of the 2011 season. They’re going to use him without regard for anything beyond the game ahead of them and if he gets hurt, sobeit.
Two - The Cardinals HOPE he gets hurt. Tough sell, 300 million dollars for a guy that may or may not react well to a major surgery like Tommy John ligament replacement, right?
Three - The elbow problems were overblown to begin with. The Cardinals medical staff is run by Miranda Bailey when she’s not on duty at Seattle Grace. Is it too farfetched to think that no one wanted to be the doc to fully clear Pujols and then have something happen after the fact?
Four - The Cardinals are more concerned about his sluggish start and routing 0-fors and thought that a line-up change would jolt the star back into more offensive production?
Five - Bob Simon needed some b-roll for his next televised fellatio session with the Pujols family?
2011 has been fascinating on many different levels and it just seems to be getting odder by the week. Please don’t mis-remember, I’m a big proponent of shaking shit up when it comes down to it. So more power to the Cardinals for making a random Monday night game in May a touchstone for a post where I can say things with a straight face like maybe the Cardinals want Pujols hurt.
I guess I just wonder why now?no comments
Last Thursday I had the chance to interview Paul Lukas of UniWatchBlog.com and ESPN.com. He was in town working on a project (more details in the audio below), and had an event for Uni Watch fans over at The Corner Bar in St. Charles. I don't see him do interviews too often, so I'm glad he took ten minutes of his time at the event and let me fire some Cardinal uniform-related questions at him. It could have gone on for hours, as I really enjoy his columns and the subject matter. Plus, he was incredibly insightful - check it out here:
Thanks to friend of the site Gareth for cleaning up the audio a bit. I probably should have played with the recorder on my phone in the seven months I've had it, but "professionalism" and "preparation" aren't our strong suits. Also thanks to Tony for his assistance throughout the night. And obviously, thanks to Paul Lukas for the great interview.
While you're listening, feel free to check out a few photos from The Corner Bar. Having "a gathering of guys wearing jerseys (and stirrups!), along with an authoritative critic" (h/t to Sebek, as I can't think of a better way to put it), was like a dream come true for yours truly.
And the guys who were the obvious winners of the evening (slow clap):
Today is Friday the 13th. Apologies if you weren’t aware and are now freaked.
The fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia (Frigga being the name of the Norse goddess for whom "Friday" is named and triskaidekaphobia meaning fear of the number thirteen).
Gerald Laird wears #13 for the St. Louis Cardinals, while the Cincinatti Reds do not employ a player who dons the highly charged digit.
The most productive baseball players to ever wear 13 were Alex Rodriguez, Dave Concepcion, Omar Vizquel and Billy Wagner. Prior to the 1970’s, few players wore the number 13, since position players generally took their fielding number 1-9 and pitchers took 10-14, many skipping 13 for fear of it being unlucky.
Honestly, I had higher hopes for this post, but Google isn’t giving me much to work with. I’m sorry. Re-reading this, this post has the halting style of my seventh grade writing class. Like this post is going to dry heave at any moment.
The Reds host the Cardinals this weekend and first place in the NL Central is on the line. While the Cardinals seem to be hard luck losers (easily could be 10-12 games over .500), the Reds are starting to feel more like the 2010 Cardinals than most Reds fans would care to admit. Hovering around the break –even point and kind of playing with this laissez faire attitude that they’ll be there in the end… it’s only a matter of time.
From personal experience, we know that can be a dangerous elixir to a team’s ailment.
Dusty Baker has set his rotation to get his top 3 in order this weekend against the Cards. And while we’re still in May, this could be a seminal series in the 2011 campaign. 2 of 3 for the Birds puts them 7 games over .500 with a +4 separation on the Reds. They’ll also improve their mark to 4-2 against the division rival for the season, sending a message that they’re the favorites now in the NLC.
The Friday Links…
- The perils of having an automatic floor sweeper. LINK HERE
- You'd think that someone would have stopped this along the way. LINK HERE
- Comic without comment. LINK HERE
- Marketing. Done right. LINK HERE
- The coolest street name in America? LINK HERE
- Happy Friday the 13th LINK HERE
So today we've got the new Stars and Stripes hat the Cardinals will be wearing on Memorial Day, 4th of July and September 11th of this year. Take a look:
The listed price is $36.99, but obviously a good portion of that will go to charity, or a fund of some kind. It's a really thoughtful idea on the part of MLB. They do so many good things for the communi... what, you want me to read the fine print? Okay, but it'll just be a waste of our time...
- Special-edition cap to be worn by players for games played on Memorial Day, July 4th and September 11, 2011, to raise awareness for the Welcome Back Veterans Fund.
- MLB.com will donate $1 to the WBV Fund for each cap sold.
A DOLLAR?? Out of 37?? The WBV Fund could raise more money holding a cheerleader car wash than what they make off MLB for this. Besides, last year's version was way better with none of that split-color bro-hat crap.
I hope the WBV receives the $400 check MLB writes to them, takes it to Vegas and bets it all on the Pirates for that night. Awful.
One other note: while we're talking about fashion, we've got an audio interview with Paul Lukas of Uniwatch that is complete and will be posted to the CD very soon. It's really good, with lots of insight. Be on the lookout over the next couple days. ~HMW