It's all over, but I think I just saw the first ad for 2011 Christmas...

The Rams have been tabbed to close the 2010 regular season on Sunday night? Oh, how the talking heads are going to feast on this all week. The open pulling for Seattle and their 7-9 record to get in the playoffs will be palpable so they can have another week of screaming for a rule change. SCREW THEM. The playoffs start Sunday for the Rams and the whole country will have to suffer through NFC West football like we did all year...

Not much gets done Christmas/New Year's weeks in the MLB. That being said, the Cardinals are playing with fire by not at least having some sort of discussions with Pujols' agents. Once the calendar hits 2011, there's only about 7 weeks until players report. Pujols has never negotiated in season...

Movie Snot: Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps. I loved Wall Street. So I was pretty sure this one wasn't going to live up to my expectations. And it most certinaly didn't. 3 things: 1) Gordon Gekko doesn't need to get morals. 2) The female lead wasn't cast right and wasn't written right. And probably more of the latter than the former. Doesn't want to get married, but then takes a huge ring. Always pissed and kind of average looking, but the millionare playboy can't live without her. Just not a good role. 3) Susan Sarandon, feel free to take a trip to the south before you play a woman from the south. C-...

Dude. Lee, Halladay, Oswalt, Hamels. The Phillies really are sending out this rotation in 2011. That's just insane. And I woke up this morning having had a dream about those 4 guys. So I guess I really need to consider getting a girlfriend...

The Little Caesars Pizza Bowl is going to be hard to top. Seriously. It was on last night and featured not only a last minute drive where the Toledo coach went for 2 and the win, but also a hail mary hook n' ladder play on 4th and forever on the ensuing FIU deperation drive that set up the actual game winning field goal. Throw in two back-to-back 80 plus yard runs and that's a bowl game that no one gave a rip about that turned out to be 20x better than the bowl your excited for will be...

If you missed the Isaac Bruce Christmas Story I worked up on SB Nation last week, take a look. It includes video. LINK HERE...

Kudos for HMW's '12 Days of Crapmas' series he ran the past two weeks. I've gotten nice notes from people all over the place saying how much they enjoyed that series. On a related note, the bacon videos I promised a couple of weeks ago have been on hold, but are still in the works. Stay tuned...

Did you get what you wanted?

Kind of? Sort of?

I hope so. You're a good reader and derserve all the nice things in life.

 We went with the generic 'Seasons Greetings' in case you are Jewish or Muslim. This site is way bigger in the mid-east.

Allow me to do my Andy Rooney impersonation...ahem...

Didja ever wonder what it would have looked like if Rob Deer played for the Cardinals?

"YES! CONSTANTLY!" you say. Now here's our answer: 

Jesus, that IS Rob Deer, dressed up like a Cardinal. He cracked many fastballs in his days, so I guess reducing him to little nutcracker form kinda makes sense.

I don't get the Beckett Nutcracker Monthly, but $60 seems like a lot for a flippin' nutcracker. Although if you buy it and write DEER on the back, it would make for a good wiffleball home run derby or backyard horseshoes championship trophy (assuming you also replace the baseball with a mini can of Busch).

That'll do for this year's Twelve Days of Cardinal Crapmas. We hope you had the chance to read all of our lovely gift ideas; if not - see below for a quick link to each day. Merry Christmas to all.

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First Day: Really Ugly Boat Shoes

Second Day: Bro Shirt

Third Day: Ryan Theriot Bobblehead

Fourth Day: Single Marble w/ Stand

Fifth Day: Dog-Ear Cap

Sixth Day: Cardinal Napkins

Seventh Day: Coasters, Feat. Game Used Dirt

Eighth Day: Homemade Tissue Box

Ninth Day: Cardinals Garden Stone

Tenth Day: 10K Gold Toe Ring

Eleventh Day: Bo Hart Jersey

SWEET MOTHER OF ASS:
It's 5% off TODAY ONLY people!! FIVE PERCENT. And there's free shipping.

In my mind, the guy selling this jersey will personally run straight to your house from Texas and deliver it, arms flailing and everything. Go to eBay right now and make this happen.

I don't want to be one of those jerks that says "wow, I never win anything" right after I win something, because that just wouldn't be true. I've won things from time to time and sometimes those things are kind of cool. I'd rather have won the Powerball once, but that's not happening. Overall, I'm pretty sure that my ratio of entering something to winning something is around average.

Late in the summer Variety, The Children's Charity, had a beer tasting event about 5 blocks from my house. Drinking to support disadvantaged youth seemed like a good enough excuse to get drunk to me- so I did just that.

For whatever reason (i.e. the girl selling the tickets was probably cute) I bought a raffle ticket to a contest where I could win a neon sign made however I wanted. A few hours later I won.

It finally arrived yesterday and this is what it looks like:



That's right.

That's a genuine Cards Diaspora NEON SIGN. And it's going to be in my living room long after this site is dead and left for the Way Back Machine.

Maybe you were once of those lucky bastards that got neon signs somewhere along the way, but I've never had one. And it's pretty undeniable that neon is SUPER COOL.

And yes, I did solicit ideas for the sign, since I could have whatever I wanted. The only one that was slightly amusing was the suggestion of making the sign say "making neon signs is a terrible job" just to see what the maker of the sign would do with that. But after that moment of meta that I'd never bear witness to, I'd be stuck with the ultimate hipster neon sign.

So I played it safe, got a CD sign and can't wait for everyone I ever have over to my house to stare at it and tell me how awesome I am for having a neon sign.

Fade me.

It looks like today is "Celebrate Rex Ryan's Wife" day on the internet, so we'll chip in too.

What do you get the female Cardinal fan who has everything, but could use an expensive piece of jewelry that almost no one will notice, other than studs like Rex Ryan? Walmart has the answer:


Yup, a Cardinals Solid 10K Gold Toe Ring. My sources tell me that people still go to Wal-Mart to shop, not just take pictures of fat customers. Interesting.

I've never been one to notice women's feet right away (until the last second before I'm kicked in the balls), so I don't get the whole foot fetish thing. But if toes and toe rings float your boat, what better way to buy something expensive for your special lady and be a big creep at the same time? Win-win.

At first I really didn't have any way to wrap up this post, but I glanced down and saw that Walmart provides one of those "Here's What People Actually Bought Because They Thought This Sucked" list:


I love thinking of the scenario where a husband is looking for Cardinal jewery for his wife, sees the $100 price tag and says to himself, "Fuck it, I'm buying some floor mats."

The purpose of a lot of our Cardinal Crapmas items so far is to sit inside your house and suck. But today we've got one that stays outside the home. It's the St. Louis Cardinals Country Stone.


I'm not one to watch Martha Stewart too often, but I believe you put this out in your garden or near the front door. It lures 13 year olds in the neighborhood to come steal something that costs way too much, and they end up tossing it down the sewer or throwing Barry Bonds six-hoppers down the street.

But before it was stolen, you declared your house 'Cardinal Country', via a rock that only you could see. So that was good. A much cheaper gift would be to put a Cardinal sticker onto an old potato, and it'll work just as well.

My favorite part of this Cardinal Crapmas item is that it's a multipurpose gift. When it's May 15th and the Cards are trailing the Reds by seven games, you can un-declare the 'Cardinal Country' thing, sneak this into Busch by stuffing this down your pants and chucking it onto the field after another loss to the Astros.

You know the old proverb: Those who get screwed over by $48 tickets + $17 service fees cast the first stone.

Let's check in on the Pujols negotiations:


Looks about right.

Oy.

The Rams are sucking.

The Cardinals are in the middle of an awful stretch of trades and acquisitions, while NL rivals are picking up Cliff Lee and Zack Greinke.

Everyone on the Blues is getting hurt, and making the playoffs is no longer a foregone conclusion.

Throw in the fact that our parents think we're all failures in life, and crying yourself to sleep is a nightly occurrence. And what better way to keep the tissues nearby, than storing them in this homemade Cardinal Tissue Box:


You know those old ladies who are knitting in the 100-level seats at Busch and the Dome? Apparently this crap is the finished product. I'm sure you go here all the time, but here's the description from handmadecatalog.com:

This tissue box is hand crocheted with red and yellow yarn He is holding a yellow bat with a white baseball at the end

This symbol can be seen on their jackets and on the signs at the bus stops in STL

There is a drawstring on the bottom for easy insertion of a new box Fits over a boutique tissue box

The tissues come out behind the head


Do you need to have a couch from 1968 to complete the set? Oh, and bus stops? We don't have buses in St. Louis, come on.

I'm sure there's a bulk price for all the smartass, whiny Cardinal fans on the STL Today message boards. Or maybe you'd like to drop nine bucks on your grandma for the first time ever. Either way, this crappy Cardinal gift comes with the highest of recommendations from us.

_____

You might have missed the weekend installments of Cardinal Crapmas:

Read Day 7 HERE

Read Day 6 HERE

How cute.

After getting a little taste of glory a couple of seasons back, the Milwaukee Brewers have decided to try and pull up a chair to the grown folk table atop the NL Central division.

By trading for former Cy Young winner Zack Greinke, the Brewers are now at a bare minimum will be a harder out for the Cardinals with Greinke on the bump and at the worst, could be a season long nuisance that everyone expects to fold, but just goes ahead and wins the division.

Sound familiar?

The only problem with this Reds 2.0 theory is the big black cloud that's going to sink this promising move before it gets a chance to really blossom into something for the Brewers. And he goes by the name of Prince of Fielder.

Buried in all the Pujols hand-wringing is the fact that the Brewers are in the exact same position as the Cardinals are with their All-Star first baseman. Albeit, unlike the Cards, the Brewers aren't under any impression that they'll get a hometown discount and are holding out for as long as they can before dealing Fielder for a crop of prospects.

Unfortunately, every team in MLB knows that Fielder needs to get moved. And the GM's of the teams that can afford Fielder's next contract are done shopping for the time being, pretty much forcing the Brewers to go into 2011 with the 'Fielder Situation' hanging over every inch of momentum the team garners.

A fast start? Could be killed by a trade. A Sluggish April? The Fielder price gets lower and lower.

It's an untenable situation for the Brewers. But until resolution (a trade) is made or a firm decision to keep Fielder for a one-off run and let him walk for the compensatory picks they'll recieve- well, the Brewers aren't going to be doing much with Greinke other than annoying the Reds and Cards by being better than they were in 2010.

Long story short- It's a good trade and a great fit for the right-handed ace. But with Prince Fielder muddying the waters in Milwaukee, this move won't be impactful for the Cardinals season as some would have you believe.