Only the #LOLCards could take a 8 inning gem and polish it right into a lump of coal. Only the #LOLCards can take the critical stretch of their season against 3 sub .500 teams and lay down like a 14 year-old dog. Only the #LOLCards could cash their checks on Friday with a straight face.
The applebags on this bunch are small, my friends. Tiny.
TLR doesn't go unscathed tonight either. The mopped headed menace to common sense doesn't let veteran leader Chris Carpenter finish what he started, instead going to a 400 year old Rhodes and rookie. You know, because Carpenter wouldn't know anything about getting Aaron Miles out, right?
It's time Johnny Mo. Do the right thing. Throw in the damn towel.
A little over 1 month.
That's how much time the Cardinals have left in the 2011 season. Spare me the bullshit optimism about the playoffs. Even after a win against the Cubs Sunday night, the Cardinals aren't making up 8.5 games against an absolutely streaking Brewers team in 35 games. They haven't gone on a 5 game winning streak this season. It's over.
Here's where it gets kind of weird though... what do we do with Pujols?
At this point we have no idea what's going to happen to the dude. We've been all over the map this season, and most recently, it looks like he's going to end up a shade below .300 with 35+ HR's and close to 100 RBI's and Runs. So while the production is a bit off, he did deal with a stint on the DL. More to the point, we don't know where the Cards' front office heads are at.
That means, in theory, we could have 35 more chances to watch the best player we've ever seen in person play with the Cardinals on his chest. And this isn't some sort of statement to whip up and argument. Nobody, including Pujols probably, knows where this is headed. And if he gets an overwhelming offer from some team this winter, he may have to take it.
So how do we act these last 35 games?
Do we really over-do it? Make sure that he feels the love the last 60 or so at bats he has at Busch. Do we act as if? Cheer if he does something that deserves our adulation, but not until then. Do we get emotional? Start taking a look back at an incredible 11 run wistfully?
I mean, I feel like we're kind of getting screwed here. This man, this huge part of all of our lives for the past decade, could really be gone very soon and he may also be around for the next decade. We have no idea. But it kind of makes me sad to think that if he does leave, that we can't even send him off properly. Let him know that he's made for some damn prideful moments the past 11 seasons.
Time to start thinking about this stuff Cardinal fans.
He thought they were Cardinals Diarrhea shirts.
But the dude must have been every bit of 85 and HE was even pissed at the way the Cardinals season was turning out. That being said, it's the kind of cool thing about being a fan of the Cardinals is that no matter where you go or what you're doing, there is probably someone pissed at something the Cardinals are up to. And we can't say that about the Rays or Astros or about 25 other teams in MLB.
In lieu of doing some actual original work, let's go around the horn with some self-serving promotion and a piece I thought was excellent by Tim McKernan on the Mizzou/Frank Haith scandal going down in Columbia:
1. A delayed piece on Marshall Faulk getting into the Hall of Fame: LINK HERE
2. Why the Rams first pre-season game was kind of a fail: LINK HERE
3. Join the CD NFL Pick 'Em league and win something: LINK HERE
4. McKernan's piece on the Mizzou/Miami/Haith ordeal: LINK HERE
The Cardinals HAVE to pound the Cubs this weekend. That team is in full melt-down mode and is already planning their off-season. I know some of these guys are playing for their jobs, but between the KSDK 'Catch a Train, Catch a Game' the FSN 'Road Trip' and the general apathy of Chicago Cubs fans this season... Wrigley is going to be a very friendly environment for the road team this weekend with thousands of red wearing beautiful people in the stands.
If they screw the pooch on the North Side? Well. I guess they'll be even dead-er?
Now the Friday Links...
- Eddie Gaedel's at bat for the STL Browns was 60 years ago today. LINK HERE
- Coach Mac opines on Albert Pujols in the middle of this video. LINK HERE
- A nice feature on 'The Hill' from Gadling. LINK HERE
- Perfection. LINK HERE
- Jealousy. LINK HERE
- The funniest guy on the internet is back at it. LINK HERE
You want to know what makes it real hard for the Cardinals to catch the Brewers in the standings? The fact that these chumps don't freaking lose.
That's the little 5 game re-cap screen on every Yahoo! team page. Click on the full slate of games in August and the news gets worse... they're 13-2 with a day game against the tail-pipe sucking Dodgers under way.
The last time the Cardinals had a 5 game plus winning streak?
Maybe it happened in 2010, but we're too lazy to look that far back.
Now we can sit here and pound our chest about the pitching, question TLR and continue to wonder why the Cardinals are one big collective fail. But the bottom line is pretty simple: If the Brewers don't start losing a freaking game, nobody is catching them in the NL. And in fact, I'd say this team is about a 5-1 week away from getting the full SportsCenter knob slob.
I can just picture Baseball Tonight right now... manufacturing a rivilary between the Phillies and Brewers.
That's not a re-print. The Cardinals are now 7 games in arrears of the Brewers and are loosing ground quicker than Andy Dick said yes to a third season of Celebrity rehab.
Let's go to the mail and see what the fans are thinking:
Body of Text: It would be nice to have some of the Brewers killer instinct. Biggest underachievers ever.
Thanks for that Spags. I think that about sums it up, yeah? I mean, really, does anyone on this team have an applebag? Hell, the Cards went into the bottom of the 9th with a lead and it took literally one pitch for the Bucs to level the score. Then, in a stroke of managerial genius, TLR decided to extend 675 year old Arthur Rhodes to a second inning just in case we were on the fence about the Cards tanking.
In summary: with a must win series in Pittsburgh this week, against a horribly slumping team, the Cardinals have coughed up two losses and will slump out of town further back in the standings than they've been all season long.
We said it last night... but again, who's ready for some football?
Jake Westbrook went out and shit the bed against an anemic offense while the Brewers, as expected, beat the tailpipe sucking Dodgers and now the Cardinals find themselves 6 games back in the NL Central with exactly 40 to play. That means the 2011 Birds have officially been put on death watch 2011...
Now, to be clear, the death meter goes to -10 back. Once we reach that number... It's lights out for 2011. Hell, at this pace, we could be there by next week!
I'm going to choose to look on the bright-side of the series opening loss to the Bucs: the Cardinals have been consistent.
Consistently pathetic when it matters.
Now would be the time a leader on a team should step up and show some urgency. But I think we know by this point the Cardinals might be the first team in the history of baseball to have so many players make over 10 million dollars without one of them being able to step up and fire up his teammates. It's almost like a roto team come to life. Relationships don't matter.
The sooner football comes, the better.
We'll keep the Death Meter updated as the losing continues. Thanks for your continued support.
10-2 in August and welcoming the tailpipe sucking Dodgers into the house of pain for a 4 banger starting today. We can sit here and jerk around with this 'playoff' talk, but even if the Cards are playing a .750 clip, they're still LOSING ground. The Brew Crew needs to slow their roll if the Cardinals have any shot at October baseball...
The Rammies thumped the Colts to open the NFL season in St. Louis Saturday night. Be prepared for the 'under-rated' bandwagon to overcrowd before they become overrated, then, eventually, properly rated at some point around the end of August...
Edwin Jackson isn't coming back to St. Louis in 2012. You're alright with that and he's alright with that...
Dan Shulman, sir, you're more than welcome to call any Cardinal games you see fit. You know we've been getting the Rick Horton treatment here, right? I hope you empathize and somehow magically appear from ether in lieu of Horton during the next broadcast. I know in my heart of hearts that this won't happen. But, seriously Dan - Rick Horton. Think about it...
I have a bad feeling that the Arch is going away for good with the Busch Stadium outfield grass. I hate that...
Just a note about those Pirates everyone was very concerned about at the All-Star Break: They're on pace to be 20 below .500 by the end of the season. And I told you so...
Louie. On FX. Give it a chance; you won't be disappointed...
Enjoyed THIS PIECE on Mitch Hedberg from The Masked Man on Deadspin last week...
Did we ever figure out that whole Taco Bell doesn't actually serve meat deal that was going on a while back? Now that all the Del Taco's are closed in STL, I had a little taste for some faux-Mexican the other day, but didn't know if I was allowed to go back yet...
The Cardinals must (read: MUST) punish the Pirates and take all three games against them this week. Taking 2 of 3 from the Rocks and losing ground is just no good...
The Cardinals picked up that stone, slug it with all their might and beat the mighty, mighty Brewers in an upset that Goliath is calling “monumental”. FSN will be working feverishly all day on a retrospective of this historic night starring Ricky Horton and B.J. Rains to air before the Cards take on the Rocks.
4 back with 40 games left and 6 head to head isn’t insurmountable. As I’m sure your overly positive buddy can attest to. But at this point, I think it’s pretty fair to quote Denny Green and say the Cardinals are who we thought they were – a slightly above .500 team that’s capable of beating most teams when they get a decent start and… well, that’s it.
They aren’t good. They aren’t great. They aren’t capable of a prolonged hot streak or clutch hitting or any other trait of a team that has a hope to win it all in October.
In fact, this team is almost a mirrored image of the 2006 team that won it all. Only problem is that in 2006, the Cardinals had less than no competition in the NL Central and in 2011, the Brewers seem like they came to play ball.
The worst part?
It’s not NOT making the playoffs in 2011. That happens. It’s the off-season where everyone who is anyone is up to either return or not return depending on what Cardinals management decides to do. Everything is on the table… from a complete re-build and a 60 million dollar roster to a re-signing of everyone and a run at a World Series over the next 2 years.
Much of it depends on Pujols… and that in and of itself is a situation mired in some pretty explosive landmines. Is the guy starting to taper off and become human? Was this just some shitty luck in a contract year? You don’t know. I don’t know. But we’re not making the call.
Do you trust the people that are?
And I guess that’s kind of where we stand with the Cardinals… they’re coasting home with probably what will end up to be about a 10 game over .500 record and the books in the black. Yet the future is as murky as it’s ever been. This will be the first off-season in a long time where the management of the Cardinals has to make multiple HARD decisions on guys like Pujols, Berkman, Carpenter, etc. And at this point, do you really trust them to make the right ones?
Now, the Friday Links…
- Why do people walk so slow in groups? Science! LINK HERE
- Scary peppers. LINK HERE
- BR Mom's 'Cat Link Of The Week'. LINK HERE
- Am I Horse flowchart. LINK HERE
- Going out for a drink. LINK HERE
- And your first 9/11 Fail. LINK HERE
Actually, Joe touched on a number interesting topics, or as interesting as it gets for Joe Buck:
-Fans buy him shots, which is pretty funny.
-Fever Pitch (I'll never see that fucking movie) and some '04 World Series recollection.
-A couple favorite announcing moments.
-Explaining his break into the business, crediting nepotism. I hope Cody McKay says the same when being interviewed at the Pizza Hut buffet he's at right now.
-A Bob Costas short joke, which never gets old.
-Vocal cord discussion that really ensures all viewers are ready to fall asleep.
At the end of the segment Joe sang Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" - this was not included in the clip below for some reason. You'd think Hooks would have access to Hulu's controls by now to fix things like this. After a quick Google search, that song is a karaoke favorite of Joe's. Research, baby. We gots it.
It makes me wonder if this is what every night would be like if Dan Caesar had a late-night show. Someday Dan...some day. Watch the full episode if you've got nothing to do. Or view the clip below for the majority of the segment: