Cardinals Diaspora - A St. Louis Cardinals blog
Love it when we have to do as little work as possible.
This AM we got an e-mail. Most of the time the CD Inbox is a repository for Cialis offers (90% off!) and daily deal updates. Today our new friend Sully Baseball sent over a couple of videos that pertain to the St. Louis Cardinals.
Watch the whole cadre and visit his site: LINK HERE
Enjoy this one with the casting of the 2011 World Series movie here:
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With this feature, sometimes it's good if I ramble a bit about the crappy Cardinal gift we post. And sometimes it's good to just sit back and admire. Let this one sink in for a few seconds:
But what are we supposed to be looking at??? (Ha ha, camouflage jokes. Ahhh.)Throwback.
Camo.
Trucker hat.
You didn't think it could be done. You lost all faith in humanity - but now humanity's back and it's punching your balls like a speed bag.
With Matheny and Mabry on the Cardinal staff, this will probably be the new Sunday cap by May, so get used to it.
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A year ago we brought you Albert's Song. We've received plenty of critical acclaim, fame and fortune since, but we weren't going to get lazy on you and let that be our Whoomp! (There It Is), oh no.
Especially when we have such a talented singer at the helm. With over 13,000 views of Albert's Song, many have called Aaron Hooks "The Michael Buble of Cardinal Bloggers" and deservedly so.
But how do you follow a smash hit? Like all well-respected rock stars know, you come at 'em with a power ballad that really gets the crowd in a love-making mood. That's probably not going to happen here, but we tried.
Let's listen to How Do You Remove A Statue From My Heart?
Did you expect anything other than greatness from us? Fare thee well, Alberto.
We've got something fun planned for you later this morning, so we'll make this quick.
Do you have that friend who just kills conversations any time they start talking? They blurt out a bad joke or pun, or some nonsense fact, and it results in six seconds of silence. Of course you do - unless you don't, which makes you the conversation killer friend.
We've got an item today that killed the throwback jersey craze with a machete. Maybe ten or so years ago, throwbacks became all the rage. It was quite an awesome time. Believe it or not back then (only if you were rich and owned a camera phone in 2002), when you caught an obscure throwback jersey in the wild, you had to take a pic and pass your phone around to your friends instead of posting it online for the entire world to see. How crazy is that?!
So for whatever reason, MLB knew that Cardinal fans were fed up with such boring throwback options like Stan, Lou, Gibby and Ozzie, and obviously they chose Tim McCarver.
Whenever I look at this, all I hear is "Womp wahmmmm" in my head. Somehow these didn't sell too well, as they've ended up in the clearance section of MLBShop.com (warning: $220 is the "clearance" price). It's almost as if no one likes Tim McCarver or something...no comments
After a long hiatus from post-season baseball to the TLR retirement to Pujols departure, the Monday Ramblin’s are back. It’s only fitting the 
laziest column we do left without warning…
Carlos Beltran. Lots of smart Cardinals fans are hot and bothered by this one. But my philosophy on injuries is pretty simple: if you’ve had a bunch of time on the DL, you’re going to have a bunch more before it’s all said and done. So while Beltran is one of the original ‘Cardinal Killers’ and is a viable OF option for the Cards, I’m not sure going 3 years for a guy who is getting lauded for getting 100 games played in is the best option. Then again, teams are getting desperate and you’ll probably need to give 3 to get him signed. Ugh…
Movie Snot: The Adjustment Bureau. Had some time off last week and started watching this on accident from the beginning because mid-morning TV is a wasteland. Maybe not having any expectations whatsoever factored into this review – but I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. It’s clever without being too clever. Funny without going for a bunch of cheap laughs. It’s good sci-fi and good romantic storytelling. If you have HBO this month, I’d recommend checking this one out. Solid B+…
Again it’s not my money. So why not go 5/150 or 6/180 on Prince Fielder with some options in the last couple of years and a big-ish buyout? Now that we don’t have to fear the pro-Pujols fallout, can’t we agree that Fielder is probably the better big-ticket free-agent, at least 4 years from now? Doesn’t seem like anyone is all that hot and heavy with the big slugger. Why not throw that contract out there and see what happens?...
David Freese stopped by an event at a local casino this weekend while I was having dinner with some friends. The consensus seems to be that if he really is intent on becoming the face of a the franchise and perhaps more, then he’s going to need to step up the wardrobe. Nike caps and tennis shoes on a Saturday night might have worked in AAA, but as one on-looker pointed out “the league minimum is 400K, he can do better.”…
Who would have thought when it was all said and done that Tony LaRussa would be the one that could come back to STL at the drop of the hat and own the city, not Albert Pujols?...
Much more on the Rams over at SB Nation STL later this week, but oy. I guess they’re still in the hunt for the number 1 overall draft pick, so that’s something. But now we’ve got to start rooting for the Colts and the Vikings. And at the end of the day, they’re behind in the tiebreakers, so it’s looking like the 3 spot. Right after every team wants to take Luck or Barkley. Perfect…
Friend of the site, Matt Sebek, made his debut on the Sports Plus “PIT” last night. If you didn’t stay up after the NFL game, you can see the video here: LINK HERE…
You're in luck - due to us having too much fun over the weekend, we're going to be delivering a double dose of Cardinal Crap today. It's probably for the better, since these two crappy gifts tie together so well.
I'm sure it's been said before, but we don't keep track of what we write on here. We all kind of figure you'll read for a couple weeks, realize we suck, then move on. Thankfully there's always a crop of new, unknowing Cardinal fans that swing by and the process starts all over again.
That said, I'm pretty sure the Cardinals toaster was featured last year, so it's fitting that they go one step further and create...
The St. Louis Cardinals Panini Press:
Is there any surprise that this is sold on Sears.com (other than the fact that Sears has a website)? And does anyone else want to go in on my new business idea of selling overpriced Cardinal paninis on the corner of Shannon's after every game next year? Good, let's get rich.Our next item is for those of you who decide to ditch the carbs from bread for one night and go for some meat.
And you're not truly a carnivorous Cardinals fan until you have your steak branded with an STL logo:
You know some hoosier will brand this on their bicep. And if you're the nurse that admits them into the ER, please send us a photo.no comments
Okay, normally I wouldn't call anything Gregg Jefferies-related "crap," but come on, a 1994 Spring Training Program?
I think this just proves there's way too much worthless junk on eBay. I love it.And if you've never seen this before, enjoy:
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My simple instructions today - please don't buy this:
Please please please don't buy a fucking muscle magnet for your car. Buy a Hummer to show you're a badass. Buy a F-350...no, F-650 for all I care. But not this. We're all big enough hoosiers, we don't need to make it any more obvious. If you ever see these in a store, set them on fire immediately. Seriously - the world doesn't need this.
Unless you buy the Cubs version and stick it on someone's car. That would actually be kind of funny.
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I didn't think we had readers, but someone allegedly passed this along to Hooks the other day via email. It's an eBay listing for a "modified" Pujols jersey:
I think this is the first time we've had a Cardinal crapmas entry in which something was taken from the crap pile and put to good use. How many knockoffs of this will we see at Busch next year? This jersey will be a rare case in which duct tape isn't used.
And a side note humblebrag - I was actually at the ballpark last night at an event featuring a photo op with the World Series Trophy, and looking around, how weird is it going to be to see ZERO photos and ads of Albert Pujols around the stadium? And how silly will it be when four local TV camera crews film the guy who gets to unmount them all? It's really going to take a while getting used to this.
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You knew this feature wouldn't wait too long to touch on Pujols and Rally Squirrel-related items. We'll save Albert for tomorrow because everyone always likes a good bumper sticker typo:
Whoops. At least the Cardinals made the playoffs in 2001, so you won't look completely stupid with this on your car - just totally stupid. The big difference is that in 2001 "Rally Squirrel" was a clubhouse game organized by Matt Morris, in which he'd get high and stuff squirrels down Bud Smith's pants. Most nights he didn't even need the squirrels, he'd just get high.Using the Rally Squirrel to make a profit is lame. Using the "We" phrase as a fan is pretty lame too. But making a copy mistake when you have to type out 27 total letters and numbers is the worst. I hope they sell a ton of these now and never realize they're off by ten years. Of course, all that hides the fact that no one has used a bumper sticker in twenty years.
Side note - you're not the only one who thinks about the 2001 Diamondbacks and immediately has the urge to punch Craig Counsell in the balls a few times.
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