Cardinals Diaspora - A St. Louis Cardinals blog
We're looking back that the year that was in 2011. Today? The Bachelorette.
"CD Crashes Bachelorette: Men Tell All" (08/01/11) LINK HERE
I owe Fresh WC an apology.
Early in July of 2011, in the midst of all our Live Blogs on The Bachelorette, a friend of the site who happens to work for Disney (parent company of ABC) mentioned that she could probably get some passes to the live season finale of the show, if we were interested. So obviously I had to fly to SoCal to take her up on the offer, right?
True story: before December, I took one vacation day at my 'real' job. It was to go see a bunch of meatheads argue about why they'd been dumped.
I'd never been to a real show taping before. I knew what the show what end up looking like on TV, but I was excited to see the process at work. Understand that Fresh WC had never seen the show before. He knew a bit about what was going on from skimming the Live Blogs I was posting every week, but compared to the other fans in the audience, he had really no idea what was going on. The fun of this show is really not what they're doing, per se, but how each person does what we know they're going to do. So jumping in at the end is really fruitless. He was playing ball anyway.
We arrived about 12p and they promptly served us lunch. It was not a good lunch, but it was free. By 12:30p we were being ushered into the soundstage. To warm up the crowd, they played the next to last episode of the show that hadn't aired yet. Watching a new Bachelorette with 150 other fans was actually pretty fun. Again, Fresh WC was having trouble following along.
I told him that this whole ordeal was going to take about 3 hours or so. It'll be like going to a long movie or something.
Now, 120 minutes in, we haven't even started the taping. Knowing that the show is actually 2 hours and that they'll probably have to film more than 2 hours to get 2 hours on air, I felt like I was going to be made into a huge liar. Long story short, we had dinner reservations at 9p with some friends and we had to basically escape this sound stage to make them, since the state directors weren't letting anyone leave. We were there for a legit 7+ hours and the only time we actually saw Ashely, is when we were running out of the building and I tripped over an air duct and fell into her.
She smelled nice.
Oh, and did I mention that it was August in LA and we were in a soundstage with no AC? For about 7 hours or so? We did that.
The picture of Fresh WC's face in the link above isn't a cut-away shot of him reacting to some asshole thing Bentley was saying. No, that was pure hate for me. Because since there were only about 8 men in the entire audience, we were split up. So he suffered this agony alone.
Sorry buddy.
Next year, we'll continue with some form of the Live Blogs for The Bachelor. Turns out, people enjoy those things. Just not Fresh WC.
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We're continuing our Year In Review, looking back what was 2011 on Cards Diaspora. Today? Joe Buck hate.
"Joe Buck: Only Liked In St. Louis, Still" (01/27/11) LINK HERE
Sometimes we know when we put something up on this site that it's going to be a traffic boon. Albert Pujols articles pull in more people than Ryan Theriot articles. Mention 'Hot Women' and the Google traffic is going to come streaming in (One of the top 5 articles all-time on The CD is called "Brad Penny's Girlfriend is Hot".) And songs? Well, how could people not love the sweet sounds of Baseball's Buble?
And then we get articles like this that explode and I couldn't tell you why. Seriously. I have no idea.
It was the dead of winter. Still a couple weeks from Spring Training. And we're searching for anything tangentially related to the Cardinals when HWM finds a little sidebar about Joe Buck in Maxim Magazine. The sidebar echos a popular sentiment that Joe Buck is too robotic when he calls big games and that the upcoming Super Bowl on FOX was going to suck because he had the call.
If I had to guess, I'd say the screen grab of Oliva Munn driving traffic. Then again, a courtesy Google search of 'Joe Buck' brings up a litany of vitriol that's rare, even by the internet's standards. Hell, If GLADD wanted more evidence that the US hasn't become more progressive in its stance regarding same sex couples, look no further than Joe Buck. I assumed he was straight, but it looks like the masses are making him wear a possible homosexual lifestyle like a scarlet letter of shame.
People seem to hate Joe Buck as much as they love Gus Johnson. And I'm serious when I say I have no idea why.
He sounds to me like a guy that's prepared. He doesn't take himself or the fact that he's calling a game too seriously. He plays it right down the middle and doesn't seem to really care who wins. His Twitter feed is funny (@Buck). He tried to have an HBO show, but it sucked, so he says as much.
I prefer some announcers over Joe Buck. Not many though, and that's just my opinion. I look at it this way, would I rather have Rick Horton doing PBP of Cardinals games on FSN? Hell yes. In fact, when Buck used to do up to 10 games a year for FSN up until a couple years ago, I'd make it a point to watch. So in the grand scheme of announcing, It's hard to process why this particular announcer inflames such rage.
Alas, it's not going to change. People will hate Joe Buck. And we'll have to write more about Joe Buck, because people click on links that profligate Joe Buck hate. And on and on.
Oh, and just in case he is gay, let's just remember Jerry: Not that there's anything wrong with that, right? It's OK. You clicked on that Brand Penny's Girlfriend Is Hot link above. You're still straight. Or gay, if you're a woman.
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We're continuing to take a look back on the year that was in 2011. Today? Toe sucking.
"The Cincinnati Toe Sucker" (07/05/11) LINK HERE
Sadly, this was the only post of the year to get linked to Deadspin.com, one of the best sports sites ever. In the past we've had better years, but we'll keep trying.
If you missed the original story, it's pretty self explanatory. A friend of the site had tickets to the (then) hot rivalry between the Reds and the Cards. A pair of young ladies in front of us wore Reds gear and got d-r-u-n-k. It was July. It was hot. And the friend of the site had his sandal off. When the young lady turned her head around, I'm sure she was going to make a point.
She asked to suck his toe instead.
The lingering questions I get most often?
1. Did anything else happen? No. It was a toe sucking and that's it. No numbers exchanged. No flirtations escalating. Hell, I don't think they even talked much after the sucking. It was a moment in time.
2. Why no video? I was lucky enough to have my iPhone out to take the pic that quick. Wasn't thinking about the video. Sorry.
3. Was she hot? She was not hot. I promise you there would have been much more to this story if she was.
The post made its rounds on the interwebs and ended up making the Top 5 of most read on The CD in 2012. Hell, I made my lone apperance on the 'Morning After' to talk about it. (Seg 6/15:52 mark) But the mere fact that the Reds season collapsed so violently that a fan sucking another fans toe at a ballpark qualifies as 'a big win' is really a special kind of treat.
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So, anything happen in 2011? 
We can leave it to the professionals like Derrick Goold to look back at the moments in 2011 that people actually remember. Here at Cards Diaspora, we’re going to take a more whimsical look back at the things people read on this site.
“With Pujols, Maybe It’s Not About The Money” (01/31/11) LINK HERE
Anyone else watch World Series Game 6 and/or Game 7 on repeat this Christmas? I was at both games, and besides the highlights, I hadn’t watched Game 6 on TV in its entirety. Maybe it was just me being over sensitive, but I think Joe Buck mentioned that Pujols could be gone any at bat roughly 2,334 times.
DID BUCK KNOW!? I bet he did, that sumofabitch.
Looking back at the CD archives, we’re probably the only Cardinals related site to put so much negative energy around the Pujols ‘situation’. We WERE the only site to say that even a Game 7 World Series win at home wouldn’t be fully enjoyed because people like Joe Buck would keep banging on the fact that Pujols might be leaving.
In retrospect, we were right to be suspicious. Pujols took the money and ran. His little press tour touting it wasn’t about the money pretty much validated that it was about the money. He’s in Anaheim now. And for the most part, we’ve come to terms that the best player in baseball is not on the Cardinals. You know, at least until Opening Day.
But the thing is, we were honing in on the Cardinals being cheap, not the Pujols being greedy. We suspected after the 2010 season that the Birds would make one last Godfather offer to Pujols. Or at least what they considered to be a Godfather offer. And Pujols would take it and stay or try to use the free agent market to press for a bit more.
Albert had always said he wanted to stay in St. Louis. We figured that either Lozano was either going to pry the Cardinals coffers open and he’d sign or that they’d get lowballed again and he’d leave. Regardless, it was going to be DeWitt’s fault.
Silly us.
We trusted a bit too much. Because the Cardinals ended up offering the 10 years Albert wanted and at and average of over 21M per season. The team stepped up, Albert decided that the extra 35-40M in California was enough to jump ship. So he left.
I’ve got to be honest. I’m still a bit stunned that he did. Every year we see athletes take the most money and every year we still get suckered into thinking that a guy like Albert Pujols is different. That he really does feel like a big part of St. Louis and sees what he means to the city.
It’s always about the money. Always.
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It's another giveaway from the people you put up with at Cards Diaspora!About a month ago, we were approached by the fine folks at Elasticity about Raffle STL. It's a raffle website benefiting St. Louis Men's Group Against Cancer, with one of the prizes being a trip to Spring Training 2012.
And for the last week of the raffle, they've given us ten free dollars to play with, which we suppose we'll pass on to our lovely readers since we're rich and famous bloggers.
We've run easy contests before and this one's no different. Just guess the total amount of points that Mizzou scores tonight in the Independence Bowl vs. North Carolina. The two people closest to the actual total wins $5 each to spend on raffle tickets. Whether you're rooting for Mizzou, against Mizzou - even if you don't care about this game - free-rolling five chances to go to spring training (or their other raffles)? You've got nothing to lose.
The game starts at 4pm Central today, so get your entry in the comment section below.
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A very happy, merry and healthy Christmas from your friends at CardsDiaspora.com.
Hopefully you enjoyed the 12 Days of Cardinals Crapmas. We should have some year-end retrospectives coming next week. As always, your support is the greatest gift we'll get this Christmas.
So thanks.
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Like the 2011 Cardinals season, let's end the Twelve Days of Cardinal Crapmas with a ring:
That's an official 2004 National League Champions ring - a player's ring no less. So why is this considered a crap gift, despite the eBay buy-it-now price of $15,000?
A ruby logo bird is offset by a sea of real diamonds on the face, ringed by the words "National League Champions Cardinals." Recipient's surname "Porter" appears on left shank above another team logo.
Somebody needs some money! Anyone remember the Colin Porter era? Don't worry, Google doesn't either. This is literally all they've got:
Unless you're a rich fuck with too much money on your hands, or you really feel sorry for Colin Porter, there's no need to buy this. If you're going to spend $15,000 on a Cardinal ring, save a little more and buy Larry Bigbie's '06 ring when he's inevitably homeless.no comments
95.
That's the average amount of games that Carlos Beltran has played per season the past 3 years. As astute baseball minds know, that's 67 games short of a full season and roughly 50 games less per year than Albert Pujols would have been in the lineup.
Herein lies the problem and the opportunity for Carlos Beltran. He's not Albert Pujols. He doesn't play the same position as Albert Pujols. He doesn't have a similar game to Albert Pujols.
But for all intent and purposes he's the guy that the Cardinals spent Pujols' money on. He's singed for 2 years, and like it or not, he's the guy after 'THE guy'.
Unlike Tino Martinez, who replaced Mark McGwire at the height of his popularity (nationally and locally) Carlos Beltran is in the perfect position to take advantage of what is, 99% of the time, a terrible situation to be in.
Why?
Because he WANTED to be in St. Louis.
The rational side of St. Louis baseball fans know that Albert Pujols left St. Louis for the money. And that the Cardinals are probably better off in the long run not having to pay a 40 year old player 25 million dollars a year in 2020. But that doesn't change 2 facts: 1) Albert Pujols is still going to be the best player in baseball in 2012 and he's going to be doing that in another uniform. 2) We can't but wonder if we just showed a little more love, if that would have changed Albert's mind about where he wanted to go.
Again, this isn't rational. St. Louis was great to Albert. Like it or not, though, we've been dumped. And after every dumping comes that period of time where we're sensitive to everyone we meet. Are we really good enough? Will we ever get someone as good as we had before? Etc, etc, etc.
Carlos Beltran is not going to be as good as Albert Pujols... BUT... he wanted us, when Albert didn't. He chose St. Louis over everyone else (no matter how few teams actually showed interest). And as long as he's willing to stroke our fragile ego for a couple of years, his production won't be scrutinized the way the guy that comes after Beltran will.
He's the rebound guy. And unless these next two years are a dumpster fire, he's going to do his job, get his money, and move on when we're ready to get serious with another player.
And as the rebound guy, I think I kind of love Carlos Beltran for the Cardinals. 2 years/26M is reasonable if Carlos can stay on the field. It's not long-term and it's for a guy who terrorized the Cardinals throughout the mid- 00's with the Mets. The Berkman gamble paid huge dividends, so why not double down?
Carlos Beltran is a Cardinal. Carlos Beltran is our rebound guy.
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This feature has had a heavy bias towards the guys thus far, so today let's give you something for the ladies:
The handful of women I associate myself with have a strong distaste for pink Cardinals gear. And I'm proud of each and every one of them. Oddly enough, to me that's not even the main reason why I put this in the Cardinal Crap category. It's the wording on the shirt.In case you can't tell, it reads: Gimme That Cardinals Kinda Feelin'. Now read it slowly and really think this one out:
Gimme That Cardinals Kinda Feelin'
What does that even mean?? Seriously - let's take out the "kinda" and assume this is a full-on Cardinals Feelin'. What the hell does Cardinals Feelin' mean?!
Picture you and a group of friends going to a ballgame, and six minutes before the first pitch, one of the females in your group says "Gimme that Cardinals kinda feelin!" Nobody would have a clue what she meant. Does she want the game to start? Does she want Skip to dive headfirst into first base? Does she want to be Eiffel Tower'd by Freese and Descalso?
WOMEN ARE SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT!!!
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I don't want to get anyone riled up a few days before Christmas, but a certain #29 in this town might throw a fit when seeing today's Cardinal Crapmas item.
Take a look at the happiest Chris Carpenter bobblehead you'll ever see:
NO! That's NOT Chris Carpenter! (It actually looks like Scott Rolen, but that's not my point)
The Carp I know doesn't have a "Hey fancy boyyysssss!!" happy smiley look on his face. The Carp I know is a role model; a jerk who does stuff like this:
So whatever assclown company made this bobblehead needs to put them all in a wood chipper and start over. We want authentic Carp bobbleheads with him holding decapitated grizzly bear heads and beef jerky. And maybe some lazers shooting out from his eyes, that'd be kind of cool.
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