Cards Diaspora - A St. Louis Cardinals Blog
It's saddening to report that no such pictures of the Toe Sucker's face exist, but we were able to sneak in a rare apperance on 590 KFNS' "The Morning After" program yesterday to explain the whole event in detail to Tim, Jim and Doug.
LINK HERE (FF to Segment 6 \ 15:52 mark)
Really, I guess the moral of this whole story, since the Cards have outscored the Reds 9-1 since the sucking took place, is to finally take off Fredbird's head and reveal that it's actually Rex Ryan.
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I’ve been to many baseball games.
Many.
But until yesterday I hadn’t seen a request for toe sucking. And this Reds fan made sure that whatever need I had to witness such an event was quenched.
She didn’t lose a bet. She wasn’t over the top drunk. She was just a girl who saw a toe and threw caution to the wind and started sucking and licking. I took the best picture I could, but truth be told, I was a little taken aback.
Turns out that Cincinnati has a bit of a history with toe suckers:+ Former Clinton advisor and Cincinnati Councilman Dick Morris was a toe-sucker: LINK HERE
+ This Cincinnati man broke into home to suck on toes before casing the place: LINK HERE
+ Even Jesus has resurrected and is in C-Town sucking on toes: LINK HERE
Just goes to show that you never, ever know what you’re going to learn. Who knew that while we were making fun of Cincinnati for the meth and Ochocinco, everybody else living there was puffing toe.
Follow @athooks no commentsYou hit the gene lotto and were born into freedom and today you enjoy it's spoils: booze, explosions and gluttony. Consume American-style and never know when to say stop.
Here's some information on John Hancock's signature on the Declaration of Independence you might not know about: LINK HERE
Here's a picture of Johnny Cueto bitch kicking spikes up and ending Jason LaRue's career: LINK HERE
And here's a picture of Chris Carpenter reacting to the crowd tonight at Busch Stadium reacting to him drilling Cueto in the back: LINK HERE
Now do 4th of July stuff. Why you're using a free day off to read shitty Cardinal blogs is beyond us...
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Independence Day weekend is upon us. 
Brave men once fought the oppressive British motherland centuries ago so we could have the freedom to drink Busch and shoot Roman candles at each other while shitty cell phone video is shot of the whole affair.
No offense, but you couldn’t handle a musket son.
A courtesy glance at the NL Central standings have the STL Cards locked in a first place tie with the Brewers with the Reds lurking a couple games back. The Pirates have, surprisingly, managed to wade through June with a over .500 mark and have become the darling underdogs of the baseball press that wants to believe that payroll doesn’t equal success.
The Pirates will be overboard by July 31. Let them have their moment in the sun, but it will not last. It will definitely not last.
The Cardinals are, however, poised for an interesting second half. They’re kind of hanging around in a race that they wouldn’t be completely flogged for dropping out of. We know that TLR’s teams are always better in the ‘scrappy’ underdog role and, at least this week, seem to be working every angle to get some markers on the board.
A three way race is perfect. More meaningful games in the NL Central. Something to really follow closely in August and September. Big series with big possibilities. Let’s not shy away from the fight, friends. Let’s watch the carnage unfold…
Now, the Friday Links…
- The most honest comic ever. LINK HERE
- That's one way to do it. LINK HERE
- Trim your bushes. With a chainsaw. On a rope. LINK HERE
- Wingman of the year? LINK HERE
- Spotted at Blockbuster. LINK HERE
Don't be a douche this weekend and get yourself kilt. Seriously, fireworks hurt when they explode in your face. But do have as much fun as possible and enjoy your freedom to do as you please.
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And 2011 will be a season that the right-handed meatball maker will remember for one thing: Twitter.
He's now shuddered his account, or at least made it hard for an Internet troll like myself to find, but it really was a story of social media sadness.
Opened over the winter, @Franky31 was actually quite refreshing. Many nights Franklin spent hours chatting with random fans and answering all sorts of queries about the team, himself and really anything. He was a good sport and took to the Twitter with vengeance. Things however, soon took a turn for the worse when Franklin inadvertently took a picture of Pujols in his underwear and Tweeted it out for everyone to see: LINK HERE
Pujols claimed he wasn't pissed. But if you had to bet your life, I think you'd bet he was PISSED. Franklin ramped down the Twitter usage as spring training wore on. And he outright abandoned it when the first few weeks of the regular season emulated German scat porn embodied as pitching.
Franklin never got it going in 2011 and ostensibly took the first 3 months of the season and forced the Cards to play with a 24 man roster. To his credit, Franklin was pretty stand-up about how bad he was. But the Cardinals refusal to abandon the struggling hurler was equal parts stubborn/stupid/loyal.
Now he's gone after 3.5 seasons, 84 saves and one chin puff that was really, really weird.
An All-Star in 2009 and a serviceable closer for an average team in 2010, Franklin will not go down in the annals of Cardinals history as an extraordinarily memorable character. After all he didn't win a World Series like Scott Spiezio and his colored flavor saver... but he was a very serviceable dude for 3 years on the St. Louis Cardinals. If he wants to teach a kids clinic or come back and sign autographs at the Winter Warm-Up, he's welcome back.
The Cardinals made the only play they could on Wednesday and let Franklin find his way somewhere other than the STL bullpen.
Good luck Franky. Come back to Twitter soon. We promise we'll be nice. no comments
That guy? Wong.
He's the Cardinals first round draft pick and Twitter has been mature about the pick:
- Matt Sebek: LINK HERE
- Sign Guy: LINK HERE
- Howard Balzer: LINK HERE
- Kevin Hebert: LINK HERE
- Kaisa: LINK HERE
Funny because it rhymes with dong. no comments
Real life prevented a Live Blog for episode 6 of ‘The Bachelorette’ last night. But that doesn’t prevent some thoughts in retrospect… 
+ Is it possible that Ashley, a dentist, is marring a reputable industry beyond repair? Am I the only one that thinks far less of the oral occupation after seeing how these professionals act in the wild? I can’t be the only one.
+ Bentley returned to put a period on the end of the dot, dot, dot. Kids, if you’ve never seen a network ratings grab stunt, say hello and introduce yourself. Flying a man half-way around the world to tell a girl she’s been dumped again? 3K. Getting a 2MM viewer rating spike for the trouble? Priceless.
+ Constantine did an almost imperceptible lizard kiss. This is very rare, but kudos to him for pulling this off. Points deducted for having the stillest head ever in a make-out session. It’s like Ashley’s face was a stripper working a pole. Truly one of the most cringe worthy shows of “affection” ever televised.
+ You want to learn poker? Re-watch Mickey’s exit. That’s called being ‘pot-committed’. He didn’t have to leave. But he HAD to leave.
+ The more the men talk about hating Ryan, the more I hate Ryan. Seriously. It’s like some sort of force comes over people and eventually they just start hating this guy even though there is no rational reason for hating him whatsoever. But I think I really might hate him more than Bentley now.
+ As a guy, I can promise you that we don’t want to know. If you think we want to know, we really don’t. It’s cool not telling us. We’re perfectly fine not hearing anything come out of your mouth. If you even think that we might not want to hear it even a little? You’re right. We don’t. Remember this.
+ Previews for next week have Ashley getting left at the proposal arena? Oh man. no comments
nowhere, jerks the kids arm up and just starts wailing on this poor kid like he's Glass Joe? You just kind of stand there somewhere between disgust and he kind of deserved it... then walk away, right?
Well this weekend was kind of like that. With tighter pants and more dip.
The Cardinals bent over and got spanked by a very average Toronto Blue Jay team this weekend. Losing all three games and not looking all that competitive in any of them. There was plenty of tears and screaming (Holliday ejection, LaRussa arguing 4 different calls), but ultimately the Cardinals looked like a team that was on a crash course with .500.
And while it's easy to blame it on the injuries, I'm not sure if you take a team that has Holliday, Molina, Rasmus, Carpenter and Garcia and put them in, oh, say Toronto, you wouldn't have that fan base at least intrigued by what these guys could do.
In St. Louis, however, they apparently like to get mauled. In fact, at one point Sunday, Gen. Stanley McChrystal called over to Busch Stadium to see if Bill DeWitt needed 'a surge'. Thankfully, he declined. Those Marines... always looking out for the less fortunate.
The big takeaway from the weekend is simple - play with this amount of heart and the Cardinals will be .500 at the end of the year and no where near a playoff spot. Play with more urgency and they're probably going to at least be in the hunt.
What we saw Friday, Saturday and Sunday was a team at a crossroads. Don Tony better get the boys to re-think the path they're headed down.
We saw how this played out in 2010. no comments
Toronto comes to town tonight. 
I once went to Toronto when I was like 13 and saw a Blue Jay’s game in SkyDome. It probably wasn’t the first retractable roof stadium ever, nor the first to have the idea of attaching a hotel overlooking the field… but at the time, I thought that everything about Toronto was AWESOME.
Seriously, a hotel that overlooks the field? You mean I can just stare out at an empty field all freaking night if I want to?
I really haven’t thought much about Toronto until I looked at the schedule today and saw they were coming to town. I appreciated them bailing on Chris Carpenter a while back, but other than that, the Blue Jays have just been of complete insignificance to me in every way.
That’s actually tough to do. To be a huge metropolitan city, but forgettable in every single way. Even the CN Tower, that really tall needle thing, is forgettable. What is its purpose? Isn’t supposed to be the tallest something or another? What providence is damn city even in?
So chances are you’ll watch this series over the weekend. And chances are that a month from now, whenever I don’t bring up this series, you’ll be like, oh yeah- the Blue Jays did come to town, didn’t they.
Let’s hope the Cardinals win, I guess.
Now, the Friday Links…
- A traditional German scarf. LINK HERE
- The procrastination flow chart. LINK HERE
- This man hasn't washed himslef in 37 years. LINK HERE
- We haven't spent time with this site in a while. Makes me cry. LINK HERE
- This just makes me laugh. LINK HERE
- The two cello guys are back with a vengance. LINK HERE
Finally:
2 years ago this week, Marcella, the official mother to The CD passed away. Some of you loyal readers remember her writing for us occasionally about the Memphis Redbirds. Marcella was really great to me personally and much more than just a voice on the site. We still miss her and know she’s wishing us good things from somewhere. no comments
It's the first annual (actually I'm not sure about "first" or "annual"...) All Together Fan competition from MLB.com and Sprint. And after seeing this image on the front page of Cardinals.com, it looks like the real battle has taken place off the field this week, between two obnoxious Cardinal fans - and Ernie Hays.
This is a serious thing? MLB has a tough time looking at a map and figuring out who should be in what division, so they scrapped that and focused on exploiting local goofball fans?
It's sad that they lumped Ernie Hays in with Sign Guy and the Cardinal Cowboy. Even sadder that I think Ernie's got no shot of winning. When Hays eventually loses to two guys who (I think) will campaign their asses off, I'd like it to be known that Cards Diaspora will still be in the corner of the legendary organist.
I'm all about supporting your team, putting a bunch of crazy Cardinal crap in your basement, having a blog that a handful of people may read, and so on. But bringing an act with you when you go down to the stadium, walking around shaking hands and taking pictures - as if part of going to the ballgame is that fans get to mingle with you - that's where it goes over the edge. That's where it gets embarrassing, because national attention gets placed on these guys, and not the normal fan. It's like I need to put on a Superman outfit and walk around the stadium. Oh wait, that guy exists. Maybe I should be fat, paint my body and...oh yeah, that guy exists too.
The voting has moved on to another group of fans (Phillies - oh that should be good), so I believe they will be announcing the winner tonight. Or not, they don't really explain it that well. You know what, there's a good possibility this whole thing might be a sham.
To read the story on all three candidates, check here for Sign Guy, here for the Cowboy, and here for Ernie Hays.
If Ernie doesn't win with 100% of the votes, there are some Cardinal fans who need the internet taken away from them. no comments
