Are you alive?
Then you know that Jay-Z released "Magna Carta... Holy Grail" on Tuesday.
The ads debuted in the NBA Finals. People that owned a Samsung cell phone got an early premiere of July 4th. Not long after every single song was on YouTube.
And now, we're going to run through each track and make a Cardinals dedication. It's our little tribute to Casey Kasem.
I'll spare you the hack music critic commentary for each track, but I would take note of the beat drop on "Holy Grail" after JT's intro.
And all of "Tom Ford".
For more analysis, check out the Hollywood Prospectus Pod on Grantland and hear Andy and Chris break the whole album down: LINK HERE
Here we go...
"Holy Grail" : Carlos Beltran
We're 16 seasons in for 'Los and still no ring. Hell, he's never even been on the big stage. And while no one wants to talk about it now, he's probably in his last season with the Cardinals... unless he wants to take a big pay cut. No better way to walk-off your time with the Cardinals than with the team's 12th championship.
"Picasso Baby" : Oscar Taveras
They're wasn't a more anticipated baby than Jay and B's Blue Ivy. And they're hasn't been a Cardinals prospect as heralded as Oscar Taveras. Ever. The internet has made us all scouts. The advent of Moneyball makes prospects seem more valuable than proven commodities. Just like Blue, Oscar's expectations are through the roof. Good luck with that, O.
"Tom Ford" : Matt Carpenter
All-Star for the first time. Was this magazine cover the launching of a St. Louis fashion superstar, though?
"FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt" : Matt Holliday
A less than impressive first half for the highest paid Cardinal has made Holliday the popular punching bag for a team that hasn't opened itself up to to many punches. But you don't become a 6 time All-Star and make 100+ million dollars by sucking. Expect Mr. Holliday to crank it up down the stretch.
"Oceans" : Ty Wigginton & Mitchell Boggs
The waters got a little choppy for Mr. Wigginton and Mr. Boggs. Both are no longer with the organization. I guess you could say they drowned under the pressure? That their ship never came in to dock? Sorry.
'F.U.T.W" : Adam Wainwright
2013 is a pitcher's year. And the Cardinals ace is looking to Fuck Up The World this season. He got his money. He got healthy. And now he's here to remind you that the 2012 Adam Wainwright was aberration and he's here to reclaim the belt. Don't get in his way.
"Somewhere in America" : Edward Mujica
No reason. Just wanted to post this pic. Not so intimidating now, is he? Good. That's what he wanted you to think.
"Crown" : Yaider Molina
For a while he was the best defensive catcher in the game. Then he was the best catcher. Now he's one of the best players. Period. 2 time champ. Putting on an MVP year.
"Heaven" : You
You've seen the ads. Google "Welcome to baseball heaven " and see what comes up.
"Versus" : Pete Kozma
You got a break this past week to try and re-charge the bat. But the fact is that the SS position is now open and Dirty Dan is running with it. You're going to have to earn your way back into 6 games per week. It's Kozma vs. the world.
"Part II (On The Run)" : The Pirates
Did we really think this was going to be the year? I hope you didn't get sucked into that. Just remember that baseball is a long season and it'll be the Reds and the Cardinals battling it out for the NL Central crown.
"Beach is Better" : Jason Motte, Jamie Garcia & Rafael Furcal
Those checks are still going to cash, fellas. And not many of us get to take a year off in our 30's and do whatever we want while making millions of dollars, right? Listen, resorts have weight rooms too.
"BBC" : Shane Robinson
He's making 498,000 dollars in 2013. He's living the dream of every 5'8" athlete ever. Jay sings about becoming a billionaire in "BBC", but who's to say that Mr. Robinson isn't even richer, if just in quality of life.
"Jay Z Blue" : Jon Jay
A good guy. Even making some local commercials. Fans like him. And with Oscar on the come up, Matt Adams improvement and Allen Craig's versatility... Jon Jay is looking like the odd man out sooner than later in the OF.
"La Familia" : Chris Carpenter
The Don of the Cardinals has been quiet the past month. After a bunch of chatter intimating that a July/August return for Carp was possible... he had a few setbacks and now we're back to wondering if he'll ever pitch again.
"Nickels and Dimes" : Bill DeWitt
You knew it was coming. Maybe the rise of Ballpark Village will keep beer prices under 10 dollars for at least another couple of seasons.
That's the whole album.
Is Jay still the king? Did you like Kanye's album better?