Last week brother Nate Argo'd Des from the dark twisted reality of living in Texas with a preacher's son. AshLee finally broke down and talked about her feelings with Sean. And Catherine barehanded a dead fish. 

Tonight?

Tonight virginity is lost, thrice over. 

Probably.  

Which of the women will accept the offer of coitus at Sean's Sex Shack? Who will not be willing the kick the tires before engagement? The first one to punch Sean's V-Card has to win this sucker... RIGHT?

It's "Fantasy Suite Night" on The Bachelor. 

DATE 1: LINDSAY 

7:19 - "I feel like I'm with my high school sweetheart. And that's what I want in an marriage." I'm going to let that marinate for a minute. Go ahead, picture your High School prom date. Now look him or her up on Facebook. Thoughts?  

7:21 - The fact that Crystal was passed over for the feeding set-up is criminal. Look, Animal Practice was bad. But, damn. 

                 

So most blogs are out taking video and being web 3.0 and whatnot.

We're too lazy.

That means we need to co-op our video duties. So Mountain Fresh was tasked with going out and finding a sportsman that will provide tips non-exclusively for our site. True, this person would have no idea that the 5 people referred to his video from The CD would actually think he's affiliated with us... but still... THE NEW CD VIDEO SPORTSMAN!

Thanks Dave. 

We'll check in from time to time that way we can say we're doing video on the site.

(Did you think that was going to be funny? Because Dave doesn't do humor. He does help.)

Bored?

Good. Because MLB Advanced Media, the notoriously stingy digital arm of baseball, has opened up the flood gates and made virtually every video in their possession available online. 

Quick. Gimme a name. Mark Whiten? 

And BOOM. Here's a Bob Costas clip that features the classic 4 HR game a call by Jack Buck AND Joe Buck. 

Our friends over at I-70 Baseball have compiled some classic Cardinals 80s moments for your viewing pleasure: LINK HERE

And if you want to do your own digging, you can go here: LINK HERE

Cards Diaspora loves celebs in Cardinal caps. And this week, the Daily Mail of  the UK brings us a whole gallery of Renee Zellwger making out with a guy in a Cardinals cap on the beach.

And then on a motorcycle.

LINK HERE for the entire gallery. A teaser below...

h/t @CoriFrank for the link. 

Shout out to @Dathan7 and family for putting today's snow storm to good use.

Well done.

Must have drank a bunch of water to make that bat. 

You want to feel old? 

Like really old? 

Well 21 years ago today, Feb 20th 1992, The Simpsons provided FOX with their first ever prime time with the now classic episode "Home At The Bat", besting The Cosby Show and the Winter Olympics from Albertville. 

It was a time where Jose Canseco was used unironically and Ozzie Smith, ahem, still had all his Gold Gloves. 

Erik Malinowksi of Deadspin wrote an entire retrospective on the episode (LINK HERE), but I wanted to point out the Wizzard's excerpt:

 

St. Louis Cardinals shortstop Ozzie Smith stopped by in early September with his Bart impersonating son Nikko, who himself wound up on Fox television 14 years later as an American Idol finalist. "I knew he was a Simpsons fan and had the Bart thing  down pretty good," Smith told me, "but I didn't know he could do anything like that. " Smith also made sure to work through his script beforehand, unlike his peeved Centerfielder. "I worked on those lines, even though there wasn't really a whole lot  of them," he says. "I just wanted to get the inflections in the right place."

Hard to believe that the Simpsons is still going strong and that a whole group of people were born the day this aired are now allowed to legally drink. 

Last week, Obama ordered a drone strike against our hearts, we bore witness to an errant eyebrow kerfuffle and sparkle? TAKEN. 

But Tierra wasn't lying when she said men love her, because she's already engaged. Seriously.

This week?

It's hometown date week.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression... Head & Shoulders VALIDATED.

7:04 - Lots of unanswered questions about this 'marriage' of AshLee's. Like did the city clerk not ask for an ID? Did they still go to prom? Did the bride double as the flower girl?

7:12 - Show of hands... Who knew the twist tonight would be Jeff Fisher being AshLee's dad?

7:16 - Friends, that's what you call a hard close from Coach. Even had the crocodile tear come down the cheek. Dick Vermeil is somewhere, happy.

7:25 - I've spent 5 minutes trying to come up with a semi-family friendly fish slash Bachelor joke. Mercy. Insert your own joke here.

7:35 - Big Sis? More like a big cock block. But the more important question is why the back of the refrigerator facing the dining room? Somebody call the Property Brothers ASAP.

7:50 - I don't know what y'all are talking about. Looks like the Army is pretty cool to me. Didn't know you got to make out and stuff during basic training. 

8:00 - That moment when you ask the General to marry his first born can be awkward. Handled it like a pro. 

8:09 - Wait, the tent isn't in the canyon? 

                            

John Morris played for the Cardinals from 1986-1990 (274 games to be exact) and had a nice little career for himself.

I had forgotten about John Morris until I fell down the YouTube rabbit hole and ended up on Morris doing an impression of Kirk Gibson's famous 1988 World Series home run. 

At some point, every moment ever will be on YouTube.

Let's take a look a some of the news items from Week 1 of Cardinals Spring Training. 

ITEM 1: Cardinals are moving from Jupiter. 

It is what it is. 

I don't have a tie to Jupiter. Only know it from Twitpics and news coverage. But it always sucks to lose a team as a city. 

That being said, they are moving. You can't keep playing games when there isn't anyone to play games with. So the Cards will have to go to a city that has more teams around. 

ITEM 2: Cardinals extend Matheny & Mo. 

Had to do it.

Having a manger on a one year deal isn't going to fly in professional sports, so picking up Matheny's option was a no-brainer. In fact, I'm a little surprised that an extension wasn't announced. 

And Mo deserves it. Dude came in with some pretty big shoes to fill. And hasn't missed a beat. Plus he's beefed up the farm system and survived an icon leaving town because of a contract. If he fulfills this contract, I think he surpasses Walt Jocketty in terms of accomplishments.

ITEM 3: Ballpark Village is getting a rodeo bar.

Oh man. Is this going to be popular or what? This might be the most popular thing in the history of downtown. And I'm pretty sure that Journey will have a similar themed bar open by 2016. That would be the only thing to usurp this as the king.

How many times are you going to venture into this place? 

Now, the Friday Links...

The women of LA. LINK HERE

Playing Jeopardy! like a boss. LINK HERE

Wife of Pi. LINK HERE

Facebook status. LINK HERE

Gorillas and a caterpillar. LINK HERE

Don't get too close. LINK HERE

That's it. That's the week. Things happened. Things will happen. But know that we're here for you and love you no matter what.