Who wants a keychain?

Pretty much everyone, right? Unless you’re living in Clayton or something, you have to lock your doors. And unless you’re from Collinsville, you’re going to use a keychain and not twine.

And beer. It’s the weekend and you want a tall frosty bottle of beer, don’t you? You need a way to get that damn cap off.

Good thing our friends from WholesaleKeychain.com are here to help everyone live free and drink easy.

They’ve done CardsDiaspora.com a solid and sent over a beer opener sample pack engraved with our URL so all your friends can think you’re super cool.


We want to give you one.

We’ve got 4 to send out to anyone that wants one. If you’re interested, just leave a comment below (about anything) and we’ll mail them out next week. If more than 4 people comment, then we’ll draw out of a hat and send them out at random.

Comments will close SUN 08/05 @ 11p CST.

Seriously, though… if you need something to give out at an event/function/party, check out WholesaleKeychain.com – quality people, making quality keychains for people everywhere... but Collinsville.

Those people need a bath.

The MLB trade deadline came and went on Tuesday and the Cardinals were predictably silent. They did acquire RH relief pitcher Edward Mujica from the Miami Marlins for 2010 first round draft pick Zack Cox. 

So far Mujica is 0-3 with a 4.38 ERA in 2012. He has kept RH batters to a .211 average, though. Effectively positioning himself as the Cardinals replacement Kyle McClellan.

Not exactly Larry Walker stuff here.

Cox wasn’t exactly AAA and with David Freese proving himself to be a 130 game guy and the defacto face of the franchise, Cox was expendable. He wasn’t going to transition to 2B and the Cardinals are OK with corner OF depth. I’ll go ahead and wish him luck, even though it’s been since 2010 when I thought about Zack Cox.

Meanwhile, around the NL Central the Reds made an impact moving by getting Jonathan Broxton from the Royals to set up Aroldis Chapman. Plus, the addition of Joey Votto in a couple weeks will be like acquiring a superstar via trade. The Reds have somehow surged to 11-2 with him sidelined with a knee injury.

The Pirates looked hard at a Justin Upton deal with the D-Backs. And this was a scary idea for the rest of the division. Pair him with MVP candidate Andrew McCutchen and that’s a dynamic top of the order that can beat you in multiple ways. Instead, the Bucs opted to ship less talent out of town and get 1B Gabby Sanchez from the Marlins. In limited action in 2012, Sanchez has stunk.

So at least we can hang our hats on that.

I was going to do a little research on some close/late stats for the Cardinals, but Bernie Miklasz has done it all. LINK HERE

The Cliff Notes version? These boys need to grow a pair. If they were even less than average in 1 or 2 run games in the seventh inning on, then the Cardinals would be right there with the Reds in the NL Central. Instead, they’re in danger of falling to double digits off the pace for the division.

Hell, I guess we could have shortened that up to: they lost a series in Chicago. You think they’re doing good?

• Bob Ross. Remix. LINK HERE (via Fresh WC)
• Mr. Rogers. Remix. LINK HERE
• Obama. Remix. LINK HERE
• Double Rainbow. Remix. LINK HERE 
• Bed Intruder. Remix. LINK HERE
• Call Me Maybe. Remix. With More Cowbell. LINK HERE 

Big hump today.

The Cardinals have been drawn to 5 games over .500 like stink on shit for the better part of 2 months. Every time they go over, they fall back. Every time they get close to .500, they surge ahead.

So headed into a weekend series with the Cubs and having the chance to get to 7 games over .500, take 3 of 4 from the Dodgers (2 with addition Hanley Ramirez) and hit the road feeling like things are trending up would be a big plus.


That’s still pretty ugly there. The Pirates are going to fade away soon enough, but those 8 game tears from the Reds (including 2 last inning comebacks in 2 days) are going to put the Cardinals out of reach for the NL Central title if they don’t WIN series at home and KILL the NL bottom feeders.

It’s going to be a brisk 94 at game time today. Time to take advantage of fall-like weather and get after it.

Poor wibble babies.

Those precious angles from Los Angeles are all hottsee wottsee in St. Louis and the LA Times says that they can’t play outside for too long or they’ll get too gosh darn hot.
Juice boxes and orange slices for everyone in the clubhouse @ 5. Be there!

Oh, and the Cardinals have lost 8 straight to these guys.

(Yes, it’s a very slow news day. Yes, it’s probably actually smart to not be outside today. But that’s not going to stop 40K+ for sitting in this heat for 4 hours tonight. Not much you can say about this team anymore besides 5 games over .500 seems to be the cap on 2012.)

The Cubs are an albatross. 

Hilarious in their eternal quest for greatness, committed to less than excellence. The Cubs, after 2012, will now have gone 104 seasons without hoisting a championship trophy above their collective heads. A staggering run of futility continually perpetuated to be something that actually will be overcome. Exhibit A.

Trouble is, they can’t win. They won’t win, because they can’t win.

Not in the sense that they are hindered from signing players that are better at their position than any other player. No, they can certainly do that if they want. But they can’t win in the same way that TV cannot have commercials or beer cannot have alcohol. Possibilities, both. But crippling to the economy of their product.

Since early 1990s when baseball had to do more than exist to make maximum profit, teams have had to devise a way to market themselves to attract attention. The Yankees were the evil empire. The Cardinals were the NLs most storied franchise with the best fans in baseball, etc al. Many teams have failed to brand themselves as much of anything. Miami is what? Loud? But the Cubs have won on this front. They’re the lovable losers. The teams that’s been around FOREVER, but hasn’t tasted success since your grandmother’s grandma was a baby.

The Cubs are built to lose. They make money losing. Winning ruins that.

Think about what happens if the Cubs did win the World Series. Several weeks of media coverage. Maybe the hugest victory parade ever. An off-season of Cub pumping. Then what?

The martyrdom that every Cub fan bases their cheering on ceases to exist. Boston, who also had a generational drought, had been close before. They were a good team that just didn’t happen to be better than the Yankees on several occasions. Once they got over the hump of winning a ring, their focus shifted from being cursed to trying to re-identify themselves as winners. Most seasons the Red Sox are good and competitive, though. The Cubs? The Cubs are bad most seasons.

Sans the ability to have a common bond of suffering, what do the Cubs become? A team, like any other, trying to find an identity.

Or…

They continue to lose, albeit by acting like they’re trying, and they keep making gobs of money of the suckers that root for them and believe that everyone is working towards a goal of winning the World Series.

Cubs fans, what are you doing? Just because you’ve been doing something a certain way your whole life, doesn’t mean it’s right. Or that you should keep doing it. Take your things and find a new team to root for. Or keep enjoying your weekends like the one you just had.