This is a joke, right? I'm pretty sure this is a joke. 

Come on out Ashton. Uncle. We'll sign the release. Just let us be, cool?

Wait, this isn't a joke? This is real life? Because 27 straight innings without a run is as clown as it gets. Bryce, what say you? 

Indeed.

The Cardinals have been turned over and spanked for the third straight night, this time getting served in the nations capitol by the Washington Nationals. This comes on the heels of 2 consecutive shutouts by someone named James McDonald (!) and then Wandy Rodriguez (!!). It took 7 innings before the Cards booked a run Thursday night against the Nats. By then, they'd already surrendered 8.

Oy.

Remember that post about 'having a spine'? Well, I take it all back. Every word of it. Because the offense hasn't been the only culprit in this 3 game skidmark in the 2012 underwear, the pitching has been lit up like Cousin Eddie. 

22 runs in 3 games? Shiiiiiiiit. You could have all the mashers you want in the line-up and they're not winning many games giving up 7 runs every outing. 

0 runs scored + 10 bazillion runs surrendered = migraines. 

It's Labor Day weekend, men. Time for men and women that punch a clock to take a breather from the man. And the last thing they want to come home and relax to is their team getting gutted like a rotten fish.

Do better.

Now, The Friday Links...

• Hidden stack of pancakes on $5 bill. LINK HERE
• You had ONE job. LINK HERE
• Truthful packaging on pizza rolls. LINK HERE
• Sometimes you love the Facebook. LINK HERE
• Kobe Bryant vs MJ. LINK HERE
• And you're welcome. LINK HERE

That's it. That's the week. It's Labor Day weekend. Go out there and do anything but labor. Have fun. Stay dry. And come back next week when the Cardinals have hopefully realized the season isn't over.

 

Have you watched NBC Sports Network?

They don't have the high profile events that ESPN does.. yet... but they're coming on strong with original programming, including the show "Caught Looking" they're co-producing with MLB.

Tonight @ 8p the series between the Cardinals and Reds (8/24 thru 8/26) is featured. Wainwright, Matheny & Jay are all given some screentime. Along with some cool on-field audio.

Check it out.

By the time it starts Bryce Harper will have gone deep three times and the Cardinals will be working on 20+ innings of scoreless ball.

Here's a clip of Brandon Phillips. He appears to stop talking around never. 

UPDATE: The Berkman Bro below? The one getting his ear bent by my mom? None other than Mr. Will Leitch.

Of course, it was. 


So BR Mom and The Dragon had a little roadie to NYC this week.

In between Tribeca Film Festival screenings and US Open skyboxes, the two got wind that a Cardinal Bar in Midtown was a real thing. Not only that, but they were having a little get together for the game tonight against the Pirates.

Foley's NY: LINK HERE | TWITTER HERE| YELP HERE 

Here's some pictures of the evening. We probably have 1.5 new readers tonight. Welcome.


Is that Chris Carpenter there on the left? And sorry to that guy at the end of the table. Looks like he doesn't even like baseball, but was like 'fuck it', I'll go drink after work. Next thing you know, my mom is buying the bar and taking cell pics.


There she is. Getting an earful from one of the Berkman Bros.


T-Ravs. In NEW YORK CITTAY. Now that's reason enough to visit. In fairness, they could deep fry just about anything and call it a St. Louis tradition and they wouldn't be technically wrong.


There it is. A reminder up above of daring to dream. And there it is. A reminder down below that the Pirates are once again kicking the Cardinals asses.


That's got to piss off somebody in NYC, right? Love it.

Parents: Thanks for the fodder. And the birth.  

If you guys get up to NYC at some point, go to Foley's and drink with the Cardinal fans. It's the first endorsement this site has given since One Night In Paris.  

 

Oh, boy.

Man, oh man, oh man, they've really just gone and done it now, haven't they?  Hasn't anyone told the Pittsburgh Pirates about what happens when Yadier Molina feels the slightest bit disrespected or even just SORT OF pissed off???

NO ONE??? Really?

That seems unfair, but I'm not here to complain. Because if history has anything to say about it, (and if his brain stem reattachment surgery goes as planned), Mr. Molina is going to be fit to be tied after that little encounter at home plate this evening. 

By which I mean, he is going to PHYSICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE AND ALSO EAT THEIR CHILDREN AND MAYBE EVEN STAB THEM IN THE FACE WITH A NAIL GUN OR RUN OVER THEM WITH A FOOD TRUCK THAT HAS NOTHING IN IT BUT DEEP FRIED FIREWORKS AND THE DEAD BODY OF GUY FIERI AND MAYBE ALSO SAMMY SOSA!!!!!

This is serious, you guys. An angry Molina has historically been a VERY productive Molina. He goes from gentle giant to raging hulk in a matter of seconds and it's really only a matter of time until he unleashes the fury.  

And I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

Maybe it's the years of experience. Maybe it's the neck tattoos. Or maybe it's just a general toughness that I will obviously never achieve. (I ran out of staples today and it was completely traumatizing.) 

No matter how you slice it, this guy thrives on adversity. And coming into the home stretch? I say THANK YOU to Josh Harrison for having the balls to light a fire under some already FLAMING hot balls. (GUH.  I took the balls thing too far, my apologies.)

I only hope that once he regains feeling in his legs (seriously, that was a TERRIFYING collision!) that he remembers how badly he likes throwing out baserunners and hitting homeruns.  Ultimately, I think Angry Yadi is my favorite Yadi. 

(Plus we women-folk think he's sexy and stuff, so I'm pretty sure he'll call me after this and we'll get married.)

Well helllloooo there Cardinals. Nice to meet you. 

Winning one run games? Coming from behind? Beating winning teams?

After 5 months of playing opossum you've finally decided to come outside, did you? Nobody here is going to complain. That's for damn sure. Guess we just weren't expecting 3 of 4 from the Reds and Pirates on the road. I suppose we hoped for it, but definitely didn't expect it. 

Now you're sitting at 71-57 and tantalizingly close to the that 15 game over .500 mark with a month to hunt down the Reds. And all is well in Cardinal Nation tonight. 

You know, we're often petty and mean-spirited around these parts, but tonight? Tonight we've got nothing but love. Every win on the road is a win closer to getting into the playoffs. Let's get there and take our chances. 

October is always better with baseball.

I promise there isn't a trap door on this post. We weren't hard on you before because we're dicks (probably), but because we knew that you were capable of bigger and better things. 

Let's aim higher. Let's hunt for a division title and let's enjoy that Wild Card playoff from home.

High-Fives men. Keep it rolling.

 

I'm just annoyed in general, so let's get this started.

1. The Cincinnati Reds.  You know, I think I dislike these assholes more than the Cubs right now.  I didn't know it was possible, but my burning inferno of hatred has officially crossed state lines.  They just will NOT LOSE!!!  And it's infuriating!!!  I cannot get behind this team.  I suppose career ending face stabbings have a way of doing that. 

2. Spiders. I actually don't HATE spiders, but I wish they weren't such a pain in the ass.  I mean, I understand that they need somewhere to go and that my balcony is a viable option, but GOOD GOD, they don't have to be such raging assholes about it.  I'm hospitable, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

3. Lance Lynn.  All Star or not, it was a wise move to let this guy go think about some things in the bullpen.  YEESH.

4. Ice Cube Trays.  I truly don't think I dislike any household chore more than emptying ice trays.   We can send space rovers to Mars, but yet I still cannot refill an ice tray without spraying at least an inch of water onto my kitchen floor.  Wet feet are not happy feet.  I AM A FAILURE.

5. Chasing the Wild Card.  GAAAAH.  I HATE IT!  This Cardinals team is good enough that none of this should be necessary. 

Sunday, Funday. Let's kick some ass.

 

Yeah. The Reds are 8 games up on the Cardinals in the NL Central. 

Yeah. The Reds are probably going to win division.

Anyone scared of them in the playoffs? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? 


The 2012 Cardinals are underachievers.

There is no doubt that this team should be right with the Reds in the Central, if not a couple of games ahead. And this isn't just pie in the sky bullshit. Go 21-12 in 1 run games instead of 12-21 and the series this weekend becomes nut crunching time for the Reds. Instead, the Reds, smelling blood, are probably going to win 2 of 3 games and wrap up a playoff berth in front of an actual full house.

It will be shit. 

But here's the thing... I'm not scared of the Reds. Not even a little. 

People that reference the hole the Cardinals were in circa this time last year are more persistent than birthers. They're probably not going to give up on winning the division until November. Hell, maybe later. But the one thing they've got right about comparing '11 to '12 is the one thing they're not beating their chests about:

The Reds DO NOT SCARE US.

Just like the Brewers in 2011, put the Cardinals in a 7 game series with the Reds and I'm going all in on the Cardinals. Let them get the feting from the fans and the attention from the national media. Give them a solid 3 weeks of head-filling fluff. And let the Cardinals keep battling for that Wild Card berth. Disrespected. Counted out. Left for meat.

Come October, these two teams have a good chance of meeting. And this series will be a distant memory. Just remember that when you're watching over the weekend.

Oh, and just in case you needed some more positive vibes, JB checks in with some Royals news: LINK HERE

Now, The Friday Links...

• This is very true. This will happen. LINK HERE
• A world record in the Beer Mile. LINK HERE
• The cactus grab stunt. LINK HERE
• The news loves some Prince Harry. LINK HERE
• Is this true? LINK HERE
• Bic for Her. Pens. LINK HERE

That's it. That's the week. A special shout out to my friends over at LouFest that are having a concert this weekend. It's not too late to get tickets if you haven't already. We'll see you there. 

 

A quick check of the standings has the Cardinals 8 games back of the Reds in the NL Central. They're trailing the Braves, Pirates and are tied with the Dodgers for the Wild Card berths in the NL.  

Most level-headed baseball observers would say the Cardinals have a shot at the playoffs, but are in no way a sure thing. But just into the CD Mailbox is a note from the team...

What say you, Cardinals?


EEEEEAAASSSY Cardinal Marketers. Lot of meat left on this bone.

I get it. You want to sell tickets. And those playoff passes are a mighty nice carrot. But lots and lots can happen the next 40 days. (See: Cardinals, 2011) So to put this out now is a tiny bit premature.

Pump. The. Breaks.

If you want to run something up the flag pole before pressing send, you know how to get ahold of us. 

Believe it or not, we like reading.

So when our friends down at Left Bank Books have a book block party and bring some old fodder logs out, we feel the need to share details.

Former Cardinal manager (who, in his photo, appears to have something on his lip) Tony LaRussa will be at LBB on SEPT 24 @ 12p to sign books and take pics. 

The entire flier is here:


More Information: LINK HERE

Left Bank downtown is right by Schnucks Culinaria, 1 block west, across from Bailey’s Burger Range Bar Thing. Map: LINK HERE

Ok. That’s our good deed for the week. Back to pounding Champagne with Trumbsy.

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So, do you guys remember a couple of weeks ago when I became a changed woman and was all well behaved and shit? 

AHEM...welllllll, I experienced a bit of a setback over the weekend.

You see, I was involved in a bachelorette party that took its brood of babes to a lake town in Michigan.  Initially, this was seemingly harmless, but it quickly devolved and became a spectacle of excess.

There were bonfires and booby tassels. Fireworks and shotskies. Flip cup and dance parties.  I don't think there were any sentences spoken without some sort of sexual reference or profanity. It was, in a word, a SHITSHOW. 

(And if you ask me if I'm too old for that, the answer isn't a yes or no, rather a very long and high pitched SQUEAL. Seriously. I think only dogs can hear it.)

Therefore, I'm starting to wonder if there isn't some sort of correlation between my behavior and the subsequent success of the Cardinals. I mean, I go to St. Louis and am a good girl?  THREE WINS!!!  I go to Michigan and act like a 19 year old on spring break?  CHOKE IT UP TO THE PIRATES. (Sooooo painfully.)

This seems like foolproof logic. THE CARDINALS ARE DAMNING ALL OF US FOR MY SHENANIGANS.

And I apologize. Sort of. I mean, let's be serious. I had a GREAT TIME! The only regret I have is over moving a picnic table closer to the firepit and NOT USING MY LEGS TO LIFT. (Seriously, it feels like there are flaming ropes with spikes tied around my lower back muscles. It's pleasant!)

In any case, the likelihood of me sustaining any kind of lifestyle that doesn't occasionally involve frozen pizza in the middle of the night is probably quite slim.  I feel like I owe it to you guys to AT LEAST be honest about my arrested state of development.  So, if my hypothesis is correct, (AND I'M SURE IT IS), you can look forward to the Cardinals being successful at baseball games again once 2047 rolls around and I am dead from severe back trauma and a horrible reaction to vodka and a Duraflame log.

THOSE WILL BE GLORIOUS YEARS!!!