Freese & Molina In Top 20 Of Jersey Sales

Written by athooks on .

And then there was filler. 

We’re going to have something for you later today or early tomorrow that’s probably going to generate over 100 views on YouTube… a BRAND NEW 2012 Playoffs Song!

But until we’ve got the VIDEO edited down, then you’re going to have to read some filler about jersey sales.

Here’s the list of the top 20 jersey sales by player from Majestic. All numbers are since the All-Star break.

1) The Captain. Probably helped by at least 20K NYY fans that think by simply wearing #2, they’ll also be able to dump Minka Kelly type booty themselves.

2) Larry. I guess Atlanta has accepted that after all that success in the 90s, Larry was the only one who ended up playing out the whole string with the Braves. Figured now was the time to bite the bullet and accept it.

3) Freese. If I showed you this list 12 months ago, what would you have thought happened? Could you have even made it up? The beginning of October ’11, Freese was a competent hitter, a meh fielder and pretty much an afterthought for MVP of anything.

Now you’re seeing this list, sans Pujols and Freese ahead of Yadi to boot? I think you’re wondering what happened in the playoffs last year. The October 4th 2011 you will NOT be sad about what happens.

4) Yadier. Under appreciated by everyone except in St. Louis. Has a legit chance to become one of the most popular Cardinals of all time and the icon that Pujols will never be.

Kudos to Cardinal fans too. Being one spot ahead of the 2010 NL MVP and the 2012 Triple Crown winner is a pretty tall order.

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The Cardinals Make The Playoffs: PESSIMISM

Written by athooks on .

The Cardinals are in the playoffs? 

Does a one game Wild Card game even count as the “The Playoffs”? You think that Ted Williams or Stan Musial would have been spraying champagne all over each other buttholes because they got a chance to have a chance to make it to the NLCS?

Me neither.

But here we are. Heading into a half-sold Turner Field for a insta-game-7 made for TV affair. Too bad we’ve got Kyle Lohse as our pitcher.

Quick, let’s list all of Kyle’s huge playoff performances as a Cardinal. What’s that you say? He’s 0-2 with a 7.89 ERA. That’s OK, I’m sure this will be the year he gets his sea legs on the big stage.

Right.

Not only that, but who else is feeling the whole Kyle Lohse drops a stink bomb, ends the Cardinals season, leaves in free agency for a big contract Scott Boras extracted from some sap and comes back in 2013 to St. Louis to a chorus of boos and apathy? Because that’s exactly what’s happening, isn’t it?

Kyle Lohse was once considered to be one of the worst contracts in Cardinal history. He’s redeemed himself with a nice little ’11 and an even better ’12. But that old Loshe is lurking somewhere deep inside and he’s been itching to get out.

Who’s ready for one final Loshing?

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The Cardinals Make The Playoffs: OPTIMISM

Written by athooks on .

The Cardinals are in the playoffs!

And the extra game is an awesome way to bring back the hastag #12in12! I mean, could it get any better? 

Damn right it could. 

Because according to the Wall Street Journal, the Cardinals of 2012 fit the profile of a World Series team better than any other NL team. Seriously, guys...

How good is that, eh?

Party tonight. Rest on Thursday. Whip some Braves ass on Friday. Sound like a plan?

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At Least Missouri Loves Yadi

Written by athooks on .

Yadier Molina has had a fan-fucking-tastic 2012 season. 

Hell, he's been so good that we might have to re-evaluate just how good Pujols was in 2006 and 2011. Maybe it was Molina that was the real MVP of the past several seasons?

Anyway, here's the latest ESPN SportsNation poll. At least Missouri appreicates greatness. 

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This Day Is Actually Here?

Written by athooks on .

And then there was 1.

A single win from the Cardinals or a loss from the Dodgers puts the defending World Series Champs back into the 2012 tournament. It’s been an exhausting experience for everyone.

Remember that Albert Pujols guy? I guess it’s true that time heals all wounds, because back in April and May we were watching his floundering like a hawk, reveling in his (apparent) misery. He came to St. Louis for a golf tournament in July and barely blipped on our radar. Now as the Cardinals head back into defend the title he helped create, the only feeling we have is pity.

The guy who only cared about “championships” can’t have one this year. But really, who cares anymore. We’ve moved on.

Or Lance Berkman! Remember that dude? He was going to be the stopgap for two years until we found the “real” Pujols replacement. He lasted about 12 innings before going on a run of injuries uncommon for Greg Oden.

Jon Jay. Allen Craig. These guys were big question marks in March. Now it’s hard to imagine the Cardinals line-up without them in there. And Carlos Beltran? The human rollercoaster.

When you care about a baseball team, it’s hard to see the forest through the trees, but baseball is a trucking marathon. 162 games and half a year plus of day in and day out emotions. You just hope that your team is in the hunt for a playoff spot (even if it’s a new playoff spot) that last two weeks of the season. *

Mission accomplished. The Cardinals are playing meaningful baseball this October.

* Expect a full blown meltdown on this site if the Dodgers somehow get to a one-game playoff with the Cardinals and take over that last Wild Card spot.

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5 Ways To Improve Taste Of St. Louis

Written by athooks on .

The Taste of St. Louis has become the biggest annual event in St. Louis. 

Perhaps Soulard Mardi Gras tops it for a one day party, but over a three day span, ToSTL welcomed over 300,000  people to downtown this weekend and now includes huge promo pieces from Charter (Center Stage) Ford and the Missouri Lottery. 
 
If this is going to be our thing, St. Louis, we've got to start doing it much, much better. 
 
I'm giving this post a huge preface... I want to like ToSTL. BUT over the 6 aggregate hours of time I was in the event's footprint, it was almost like the organizers had set every single thing up to be as annoying as possible. 
 
These 5 things need to be fixed by 2013, or I'm out. I don't think I'll be the only one.
 
1) If we're celebrating food, how about I get some fucking food.
 
Boasting over 200 'tastes', there were tons of things to hypothetically chose to eat. Unfortunately, every single line was like we were waiting for Mr. Freeze at Six Flags. Lining all the booths along market, the din of people waiting in line, mixing with people just browsing, mixing with the people tying to move large distances, made for ass to crotch shuffling and a 'fuck it, i'll just pound this thing I would normally savor so I can stop getting bumped into'. 
 
Solution? Spread. It. Out. If this event needs to be downtown, then close off another 4-6 blocks and spread the tents out the entire footprint. If you're not tied to downtown, then get this out to Forest Park. 
 
2) 300,000 people. 50 pissers.
 
Ok, maybe 150 or 250. But only one dedicated area that had 'facilites'. By Saturday night I stepped into a stall that was full. Not like kind of full, but piss and crap flowing over the edge. The next one over had a little room. But the once daily emptying of the port-o-potties isn't good enough. In fact, a lady standing outside summed it up best: "You know they're bad, when drunk guys won't piss in them."
 
Solution? Get more. And service them multiple times per day. It's pretty simple.
 
3) Hold vendors accountable. 
 
Granted, it's hard for some of these restaurants to manage the scope of what they're getting themselves into. But you know what I don't want to hear when I get to the front of the line? That you're out of X. Other places like Pappy's BBQ just hung 'Sold Out' signs up. 
 
Solution? Don't just sell the vendors a booth... prep them. How much food they'll need. How much staff is enough. What the proper price points are. Letting them go at this without being prepared drags everyone else down.
 
4) "I'll save the world another day."
 
That's what I overheard right before a guy threw his trash on the street. He did try to find a trash can, but the STL city ones were covered by plastic bags, funneling people to 4 (?) 'greening centers' where trash could be recycled. I hate to be dramatic, but the location and availability of the greening centers were enough to make a environmentalist litter. 
 
Solution? WAAAAY more trash receptacles. Like way more. Between plates and forks and napkins and cups, food produces a bunch of trash. I appreciate the green effort, but all of those bags are sorted later anyway, so collect and sort everything at once. Don't funnel everyone to 4 stations. 
 
5) Go cheap.
 
Beer? $7. This one isn't changing, but damn. $7? That's pretty damn steep for a street festival. 
 
Solution? Lower prices. Even just a little. 
 
Other highlights: Charter Center Stage videography. Don't know who was shooting The All-American Rejects, but that was some seriously professional concert shooting. The guy making waffles. Those waffles were the shit. 
 
Other lowlights: Strollers. Bring the kids during the day when there is more room. But from 5p on, it's packed, so don't be the guy or girl pushing a kid around. 
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Bryce Harper & The Friday Links

Written by athooks on .

Sorry you guys. 

I know the content has been a little light this week, but it so happens the new site make-over and a busy week of real life have conspired to making posting crap to this crap a real crapper.

Howevaaaaah, we’re back today with the Friday Links and little Bryce Harper.

That’s right. Bryce is in town to totally crush some Fitz’s rootbeer and try to make out with your sister. And when he does (and he will) you’re going to have to live with the fact that this guy is basically the 2012 version of Rick Ankiel. You know, after a proper media sanitization.

Rick The Sick, he drinks. Harper doesn’t. Rick The Stick, he fucks. Harper doesn’t. Rick The Stick, is a bad, bad boy. Harper isn’t.

So basically, cheering for Bryce Harper is like cheering for the Parents Television Council. They’ve done this to America. They’ve made it this way. See that face up there? That’s the most controversial thing he’s done all year. Frozen in time for all of us to witness. Because nothing this kid does will ever not be witnessed, not be co-branded and not not be sold by Scott Boras.

I actually like Bryce Harper. He seems like a really promising player. And at only 19, he’s got a long career ahead of him. But the kid blew one kiss and it was like he burnt down a village of Peace Corps volunteer huts. He’s the next in a line of clean, pure superstars.

He’s making sport better and he’s making sport boring.

Here’s to hoping Mr. Harper develops a rotten streak. And if not off the field, at least on it. The Mormon bad boy. The Anti-Tebow. It’s much more fun for everyone.

Now, the Friday Links…

+ Cat blocked. LINK HERE

+ The saddest thing you'll see today. LINK HERE

+ My people need me. LINK HERE

+ Please use this plumbing company. LINK HERE

+ Not today, dog. LINK HERE

+ Do not shred babies. LINK HERE

That's it. That's the week. I'm having a big backyard BBQ all this weekend called Taste of St. Louis, so when you're pissing in the alley, thanks in advance. No really, it's just what I wanted.

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We've Had 'Some Work Done'

Written by athooks on .

So. 

We decided to upgrade Cards Diaspora last night. Chances are if you’ve gotten to this point in this post, you’ve already noticed.

The layout is a bit cleaner. The words are a bit more vibrant. The feel is a bit more modern.

And none of it means piss if we don’t put interesting crap up for you guys to consume. Or at least convince some people to give us more $100 bills to give away.

Just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you guys for reading and clicking. We don’t make (much) money of this site and it’s a labor of love for all the people over there on the right hand side of the page.

We’ve changed looks a couple times since 2006, and we’ll probably change a few more times before we put this dog down. But thanks for sticking with us.

Hope you enjoy.

Back to the playoff run momentarily. 

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Winning Is Boring

Written by athooks on .

Let's talk about the Cardinals for a second. Snapshot_92512_1014_PM

I don't want to be the turd in the punch bowl, but has there ever been a more boring run to the playoffs? After gorging myself on football the past 3 days, I made an effort to watch the Cards take on the Astros Tuesday night. 

I fell asleep. 

When I woke up I saw the Cardinals had handed the Astros their 105th loss of the season. They scored 4 runs. 1 came from a sacrifice fly. Another from a fielder's choice. Yet another from a single. 

According to ESPN.com's boxscore, 16K+ people showed up to watch. Houston might just be the most boring place on earth. 

The Cardinals aren't a lock for the post-season. Their 7-1 run (so far) against the Cubs and Astros the past week and day has put them in the drivers seat for the last Wild Card spot. Barring a complete meltdown the last week of the season, they'll be in a one game playoff in Atlanta. 

This should be titillating. 

It's not.

Maybe when the Cards come home for the final 6 against the Reds and Nationals, the intensity will pick up? Doubtful, since both teams are in full in health protect mode. 

Maybe for the one game playoff in Atlanta? Perhaps, but knowing that city, they're not even going to be able to sell out that game. 

I'm ready to turn up the juice. Let it rip. But when is the right time? It's like this run against terrible teams couldn't have come at a better time... but it's sucked all the fun out of wondering what's going to happen.

Anyone else feel the same way?

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Cardinals Are Trailblazers

Written by athooks on .

It's been an odd season for the Cardinals. 

Snapshot_92412_1034_PM

Every season has its peculiarities, but 2012 seems to have a homoerotic flair not normally associated with baseball. If your seeking reasons why, please refer to Yunel Escobar's plastering of gay slurs on his eye black as reason #1 and #2. That wasn't from 1956, that was from 2 weeks ago.

The Cardinals, on the other hand, are rife with man on man action.

Item 1: The Cardinals celebrate a walk-off winner by playfully shoving fists up Skip Shumakers butt. Yes, that happened. And yes, Tim McKernan covered it diligently. 

But if you thought that was an anomaly, then you must have been surprised to hear Adam Wainwright wanted some smooches from Carlos Beltran.

Item 2: Carlos Beltran hits a game tying HR in the 9th inning of a game against the Cubs, and Waino wants to kiss his teammate. On the mouth. 

Derrick Goold, thankfully, covered Adam's pining for the Post-Dispatch. At least one teammate laid down the law on the clubhouse whiteboard, but still, everyone seemed to be pretty chill.

Good on you Cardinals. Your state might not be making gay marriage legal anytime soon, but that's not stopping you from being trailblazers for equality. 


Hell, if the Cardinals make it out of the Wild Card round, a Lady Gaga concert might just be in order, eh?

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