You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know why I worried and fretted and paced around my living room tonight like a caged lion with rabies.
I should have known better! You told me you had it in the bag and I should have believed you.
And I totally would have, had it not been for a recent rash of NOT GREAT run support. But then David Freese and Matt Adams and Pete Kozma all, like, hit baseballs in cool places?
I don't know. I'm as impressed as you are. It was incredible.
Also, I would be lying if I said that I didn't get emotional after that final strike out. First of all, GO AWAY PEDRO ALVAREZ FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU ARE FINALLY DONE TERRORIZING US WITH YOUR AWESOMENESS!!!
And also, OMG you and Yadi have the most beautiful and tender relationship. I wept openly watching you guys embrace and celebrate this very special milestone. A complete game in the postseason? You, my very hot and sexy man stallion, are among a select few.
So, please enjoy this victory. Go drink champagne and get crazy, because you've earned it. This one was special.
However, if I hear ONE WORD about you going to a strip club, I will beat you within an inch of your life. Plus, you guys have to face the Dodgers on Friday and I already have an ulcer.
I'm going to need you to come help me monitor my Prevacid dosage. Also, I think the bathroom sink is backed up, so we're going to have to deal with that before our toothpaste backwash coats the floor.
You are my sweet, sweet angel. Have fun tonight, babe! CONGRATS!!!
PS: Give Kozma an extra swat on the ass from me. It doesn't happen very often, but I was really impressed with him tonight. (NOT IN THAT WAY DON'T GET ANY WEIRD IDEAS I'M STILL ALL YOURS YOU LUCKY DUCK!!!)