Mission accomplished, friends. The 'beautiful game' has been buried once and for all in the United States. Hell, Messi is STILL sad.
Makes sense that ABC (ESPN) would want to kill any momentum soccer has made the past few years. They're losing the World Cup to FOX in 2018 and the Premier League to NBC this fall.
Do NOT cross the mouse.
In other news, what in the name of Francisco Goya happened to all the paella? My sophomore Spanish teacher SWORE that all people in Spain ate was paella. Yet we saw zero paella. No saffron at all. Not even in b-roll.
I've been living a lie, people.
7:02 - All this talk about family and... AWWW WHAAAA? We forgot that this guy is still waiting to make his debut this season.
7:06 - A special appearance from Catherine, Lesley and, umm... another girl from last season's Bachelor. No doubt they're here to provide Dez the needed support to get through the last stages of this magical journey. To provide prospective that only people that have traversed this path before can provide.
Or they're here to hunt for tube steak.
7:19 - This just in, I've got a comment from the clouds, since these two are so punny: LINK HERE
7:28 - "I'm a bit behind in my emotional process." Brooks explains his hesitation in going whole hog on his relationship with Dez. I'll put this here so we can all use this one later in our own lives, right? I mean you're going to use this too, RIGHT?
7:40 - Who else was hoping Chris was going to bust out some Cards Against Humanity instead of a twig pen and parchment for a poem?
7:50 - Annnnd, we have the most drawn out L-Bomb in Bachelorette history. He seems like the kind of guy that sends flowers to the office "just because". Or initiates a re-commitment ceremony without his wife even asking. Pump. The. Brakes. Bub.
8:09 - There's cheating. Then there is your girl on top of a mountain in Vail taking selfies with another dude and posting them on Facebook. Just saying.
8:17 - Sweetest go-kart track of all time?
8:21 - If betting were legal. And if you could make bets on Bachelorette go-kart races... The line on Zak (+280) vs Drew (-280) would have been massive (estimates in parentheses). Was there any doubt? Whatsoever?
8:32 - Drew with an L-Bomb. That's 2 for the day.
8:36 - Browsing the Ohio obits and someone came across this. Classic.
8:45 - Now that we're 105 minutes into this weeks episode, can we all agree that last week's teaser trailer might have been the most mis-leading video ever broadcast on TV? This was supposed to be a train wreck week. Instead, it's all but over?
NEXT WEEK: Family, harmony, massage contraptions, overcome with love, the brother, the brother being a creeper.