Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 4
Last week, the world record for vertical kissing was set. Kacie B gave Jean Luc-Picard faceplam burn. And beach volleyball was stripped of it's Olympic Sport status.
But tonight?
Tonight a plague descends on the 13 remaining contestants. A plague of BAD ENERGY CALLED TIERRA.
Just like JT, she's bringing needy back.
7:03 - Selma is the first contestant this season to drop the B-Word. Nothing, and I mean nothing, wilts the rose like baby talk.
Side: There have been 16 (not counting this one) seasons of The Bachelor and 8 seasons of The Bachelorette. You know how many couples are still together? 4 (counting Jason and Molly). You know how many have babies? 2.
The odds are not with you Selma. The more you know.
7:05 - Private jet? That's gonna get you a little elbow job mister.
7:11 - 2 people crawling deep into a moist brown rock crevasse. Hmmm, I think this might be a metaphor for something, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
7:21 - There is a lot you don't know about my family... my uncle is BAGHDAD BOB!
7:23 - My mom is pretty strict... I used to have a sister, until she was late for supper and she was launched into Iran ON A SCUD MISSILE!
7:32 - Chances that the real roller derby girls want to whip the living piss out of every single one of these contestants? 101%.
7:43 - If I'm going to the hospital, I'm not going to the hospital in an unmarked 4 door Prius. Pathetic. I'm embarrassed for everyone.
7:54 - "This is just like Pretty Woman"? Suddenly I'm much more interested in Leslie's back story. More flashbacks puh-lease.
7:57 - Hot tubbin' with babe intercepted by emotional breakdown. #NIGHTMARE
8:10 - Is everyone aware that before the whole Rodeo Drive scene, Julia Roberts was HAVING SEXY TIME WITH TOTAL STRANGERS FOR MONEY?
8:26 - Leslie has been sent home with the dreaded 'lack of a romantic connection'. Or, what I like to call the real life ending to Pretty woman.
8:45 - If you're a girl and you are looking to get married, take out the nosering. Name me a happily married woman that wears a nosering. You can't. Because it doesn't exist.
CUT - Leslie, Amanda (who wore the lipstick of death?)
NEXT WEEK - 2 days? 2 NIGHTS? Bad Girls Club on network TV, hypothermia.
