Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 3
Last week, we were promised a TORNADO OF NEGATIVITY, only to be caught up some some gusty curtness and breezes of boorishness. 
But tonight?
Tonight holds more promise, since we haven't seen a falling down a flight of stairs teased on-air this much since The Money Pit hit theaters.
Oh, and what else? RUDE. TIMES 2.
7:04 - Air check for my main main Robert Wadlow from Alton IL. Dude was a legit 8' 11".
Shout out to my homegirl Irma Heier Naughton Alton High Class of '36. Who may or may not have dated Wadlow.
7:07 - World's longest on-screen kiss? Or World's longest on-screen vertical kiss?
7:13 - If this kiss was a diving competition, Rowdy Gains would be praising Sean's vertical entry.
"Cynthia, If those stupid noses weren't in the way, that'd be a perfect 90 degree kiss!"
7:17 - What about porn? Does that count? Because I have to imagine that some kissing fetish porn exists where there is more than 3:17 of contiguous kissing.
*Goes to RedTube*
Ok, maybe not.
7:25 - So, in order, the top 3 dream Bachelor contestants?
3: Chris Harrison. Just got divorced; would be so meta.
2: Manti Te'o. If that Twitter shit fooled him, imagine what these girls would do to his head.
1. TC. That's Tom Cruise. I would pay money, to watch that season. Big money.
7:35 - Beach volleyball time. I.E when the men that are forced into watching this show silently look up to the sky and mouth 'thank you' to Baby Jesus.
7:37 - I Googled "Karch Kiraly Sad". This was the best I could find. But somewhere, on some beach, he weeps for what he just saw.
7:39 - And then this happened...
7:53 - FACE PALM!
Kacie B. Looks like she hired LeBron's PR company for The Decision Part 2. She's taking her talents to South BEAT, because she's going home tonight.
Sorry.
8:04 - Tierra is the Troy Aikman of The Bachelor.
8:18 - Seth MacFarlane has a country band now. That guy does it all.
8:38 - "I've never felt so cared for in my entire life"
Was that...
A) Sarah talking about her upbringing by her parents amidst a challenging disability?
B) Sarah talking about her relationship with her previous boyfriend, who she admitted she was still great friends with?
C) Sarah seeing her dog that a producer drove across LA to get and stick in the back of a Towncar?
C.
The answer is C.
8:43 - FACE PALM!
Kacie B. Is having a rough episode.
CUT - Kristy, Taryn (who may or may not have been on the show the past 2 weeks)
NEXT WEEK - Bow ties, racially charged sexual innuendo, roller derby, aggressive sneakiness, plagues of bad energy.
Kacie B. Looks like she hired LeBron's PR company for The Decision Part 2. She's taking her talents to South BEAT, because she's going home tonight.
Sorry.
8:04 - Tierra is the Troy Aikman of The Bachelor.
8:18 - Seth MacFarlane has a country band now. That guy does it all.
8:38 - "I've never felt so cared for in my entire life"
Was that...
A) Sarah talking about her upbringing by her parents amidst a challenging disability?
B) Sarah talking about her relationship with her previous boyfriend, who she admitted she was still great friends with?
C) Sarah seeing her dog that a producer drove across LA to get and stick in the back of a Towncar?
C.
The answer is C.
8:43 - FACE PALM!
Kacie B. Is having a rough episode.
CUT - Kristy, Taryn (who may or may not have been on the show the past 2 weeks)
NEXT WEEK - Bow ties, racially charged sexual innuendo, roller derby, aggressive sneakiness, plagues of bad energy.
