Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 6

Written by athooks on Wednesday, 06 February 2013 03:55.

Last night we had goat milk bukkake, taunting date cards from Harrison and dead boyfriend cards being played.

But tonight?

Part 2 of a 2 night Bachelor spectacular. Or as it's known in the biz, the night an entire cast is lost to hypothermia. Unless the promos we've been seeing for 6 fucking weeks are lying, all the roses distributed tonight will be BLACK.

8:05 - Montana is looking like a tropical paradise.

8:08 - I won't name names, but there are women in my office that turn space heaters on when it's 90 degrees outside. You want more proof these contestants are actors? Not a single bitch, moan or gripe from a 105 pound girl in Siberia East.

8:15 - That nose ring? It's not a signal to the world that Catherine is available for sexy time at your convenience. It's a symbol of life lived to the fullest. Also, the last two dates have featured DEATH. Foreshadowing???

8:26 - "I might die!" ABC is being very caviler with their teases about this whole situation.

8:36 - Any moment now...

Ok. Here we go...

The Angel Of Death is descending upon this polar bear plunge. And... wait, what? AHHHHH!!!

It's a GINGER! I don't EVER want to die!

8:44 - She lived? Damn you ABC. Oh, and while we're here, let's check in a see just how long you have to be exposed to cold water to get hypothermia.

8:54 - What are these picture paper things Sarah has?

8:56 - I counted 8 full pumps of perfume. That should be literally a criminal offense.

9:06 - Sarah is getting dumped. If hushed, halted monotones had a Super Bowl, it might. be. this. conversation.

9:19 - Really got to lean back into your repel. I heard someone say that once.

9:26 - Maybe you're thinking that living in a tent is something Dez did with her family because they eschewed wealth and material possessions. But, no. It's apparently a thing. Fucking hipsters.

9:35 - That kiss just would have sent 43 children to the gas chamber under the Saddam Hussein regime. Progress, people.

9:43 - AshLee has a future at NPR. I'm calling my shot now.

9:51 - 2 more going home? This season could be wrapped up by Valentine's Day.

CUT: Sarah, Selma, Daniella

NEXT WEEK: Love. Falling in love. I love you. Being above everyone. Perfection not attained. Manipulation.

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