Bachelorette Live Blog: Episode 5
It's Week 5.
Last week the boys rode scooters, had a fight about what age is old enough to fall in love for reals and cried. In other words, they re-enacted the average day of a five year old.
This week?
This week more like London CRYING AMIRITE? The boys and Maynard head over to England to try an get in her Piccadilly Circus. Eat her fish n' chips. See her Beefeater.
This is probably out of my system. Probably.
Let's Date...
7:04 - Maybe we're biased, but I don't know if I've ever seen a better date card reading than HollyWolf just gave us right there. Perfect timing. Perfect Pitch. Perfect drama. Perfection. BTW, I wonder if John's enjoying the CD Live Blog...
7:13 - "Guys that look like you are boring." I feel for Sean on that one. There probably is no good retort there.
7:14 - Sean stands up on 'Speaker's Corner' and bloviates about love. He doesn't know love, but he's been in the presence of love. He wants this love and wants it badly. (Insert 2 more minutes of a guy standing on a crate, talking about love.) I'm pretty sure at that moment every Brit watching that wondered just how the fuck we beat them in the Revolutionary War. And probably thought about making another run at America.
7:22 - London Bridge is falling down? HI-YO!
7:32 - Ryan vs. Shakespeare? Monkey, meet your football. LINK HERE
7:37 - Kalon shoos Emily away so he can get more rehearsal time in? With Ryan? I'm not sure what Chopper's game is, but it's time call an audible.
7:45 - Wolfner gets a wet, warm and rough kiss from Doug. Then kills it with with post his first nationally televised homosexual experience interview. A couple more weeks of this with another long Mad Men hiatus and I think we're looking at the new face of St. Louis.
7:54 - He's pulling it out! Ryan is pulling it out!
7:55 - Way smaller than expected, actually. The rope wasn't that thick. He should buy more expensive jewelry.
7:56 - Ok, Kalon. You're not totally wrong here. I don't think that anyone is going to dispute your general point, in so much as a child is something to seriously consider when courting a man or woman. But you can't use the word 'baggage'.
8:02 - Kalon is ordered to get 'the fuck out' by Maynard. He ended up being a turncoat. He couldn't keep his Queen mum. He'll have tons of tea time when he gets home. I kind of wish this show was based in London.
8:17 - Etiquette coach. Wasn't too impressed when Jef admitted that he once farted in a bucket.
8:29 - Nice touch by Jef saluting Brit pop sensation Ellie Goulding by emulating her haircut LINK HERE (In fact, they might be, ironically, having a date in a big light.)
8:33 - While we watch Jef stroke Maynard's back, it seems as good a time as any for this clip: LINK HERE
8:43 - Old Billy Shakespeare? He just rolled over in his grave when Ryan decided for an impromptu Romeo and Juliet reading. It might not be possible for one man to restore the American school system. But one man can certainly put its credibility in doubt. You had a good run Billy, but I think we've reached the end.
Cut: Kalon, Alejandro
Next Week: Croatia AKA, every girls dream come true. HollyWolf making time. Snitching becomes vogue.
