It's Week 4.
Last week Emily callously destroyed a hybrid bachelor contestant slash ostrich egg, got told her child was a compromise and revealed she was friends with Kelly Kapoor.
This week we've got a special treat for you. We went ahead and watched Episode 4 with Mr. John Wolfner, who OBITHEWAY, happens to be going on a little 2 on 1 date this week. The reason this post is a bit delayed? I wanted to re-edit it and take out all the spoilers, but leave in the stuff that you wouldn't know unless you were on the show. You'll see those comments from John in the parenthesises. And thanks to Otto's for the hospitality. They're peaches.
7:02 - Unfortunately for the guys, they're not going to have another 10 weeks in Charlotte. Tough luck, right? But they're headed to Bermuda, so I think they'll make it. (Turns out the producers let them know this the night before and that reaction shot you just saw was acting.)
7:04 - Scooter gang. Haven't seen one this tough since Wilmer Valderrama and Tom Hanks un-ironically rode hard in Hollywood.
7:14 - What son wouldn't want a postcard from their dad hanging out in Bermuda with a girl that 12 other guys are trying very hard to rail? Every son.
7:21 - Doug's other faults: donating too much to charity, loving reading, refusal to let jaywalkers go without a stern talking to, and one time he thinks he might of accidentally gone to LemonParty.org by clicking on a banner ad for a Depends coupon his grandpa might appreciate. Note: Do NOT go to LemonParty.org. Seriously. (Doug's real biggest flaw? He was up and down the whole time. Including a couple of times yelling at producers about filming his meltdowns...)
7:32 - Hollywolf and Nate are summoned for the 2 on 1 date. A bit surreal watching a guy watch himself get watched by 3 million people about to go on a date where he one wrong move could lead to massive fucking embarrassment. (John embraced the 2 on 1, figuring that he could either make a name for himself or get eliminated before he was attached.)
7:43 - Ryan calls Emily his "trophy wife". (After hearing John repeatedly hammer on Ryan, I think he was by far the most hated guy in the house, at least amongst the other guys. The producers tried to push Kalon as the 'bad' guy, but Ryan was a chode all on his own.)
7:49 - "I'm not here to impress you, but make an impression on you."
7:50 - "God designed you to be a beautiful woman, so be a beautiful woman."
7:51 - "To who much is given, much is required."
7:52 - "I was praying for you, for you to use the opportunity to impact a ton of people." - I think John might be telling the truth on Ryan.
7:59 - (Wolf reveals the following about his 2 on 1 date: The food they served really wasn't meant to eat and they were fed during the break. The producers asked him to go down to the water and kick it around for a cinematic shot, but it got cut. The cave was even cooler in person than what it looked like on TV.)
8:11 - Here's the face of a man crying. He's probably thinking about what The Wolf is going to do on his one on one time. About how he didn't really have a chance going man to man with a closer. About how he's going to spin this date back home.
8:14 - (John says that there was a kiss on this date and it was not shown.)
8:21 - They're calling Alejandro a 'Mushroom Farmer'. He also created a sustainable product that you can buy in Whole Foods and that makes him a significant amount of money.
8:27 - The 'local media' would be interested in The Bachelor: Augusta. Starring Ryan. Only one problem though... no women.
8:37 - If it looks like Doug doesn't know what the hell Chris is talking about, it's because Doug doesn't know what the hell Chris is talking about. This is what it sounds like when guys get drunk.
8:47 - I've seen less filler in a Aldi bratwurst. Enough interviewing. This isn't Charlie Rose... let's move this along.
(Pic of the party. The Wolf is in the red circle. Such photography)
Cut: Charlie, Michael Who May Have Just Joined The Show Last Week Not Sure Though
Next Week: London calling; baggage handling.