It's Week 8.
Last week Emily made the worst decision of her life. A decision that will wrack her with guilt and keep her up for hours each day of the life she has left. A decision that has no equal in the history of mankind. Last week, she sent HollyWolf home.
STLs finest. The next Jon Hamm. Did Florence reject Michelangelo's David? No. No they didn't. Yet Emily has repudiated our generation's masterpiece.
For shame, Maynard. For shame.
This week? It's hometown date week. 4 men. 4 cities. 4 sets of parents that could sink the hopes of a future failed engagement. You know, unless the parents have better things to do. The stakes are high, friends.
HOMETOWN 1: Chris
7:07 - We all know Crazy Chris is going home tonight. So to make things interesting... a drinking game!
7:14 - Polish bars in Chicago: Wood paneling? Yes. Plastic foliage? Yes. Customers? No.
7:25 - As a former English major, I'm not confident that either the Dad, nor Emily are speaking it. I recognize words here and there, but diagramable sentences? Not so much.
7:29 - L-BOMB. (Side note - Chris can't be happy about that big zit over his right eye. He probably doesn't even get acne all that often, but bad luck Chris has his bi-annual zit on his hometown date. It's distracting.)
HOMETOWN 2: Jef (W/ one F)
7:37 - Skinny jeans AND two "I miss you's"? We're getting drunk tonight.
7:39 - Suck it Nuget, the hottest thing at the NRA convention in 2012? SKINNY JEANS.
7:40 - Suspiciously dubbed in 'doing charity work' there ABC. We all know that Hilton Head all-inclusives are a fucking bitch to cancel last minute. Call them when we get down to the final two. Until then... let's hit the beach cruisers.
7:53 - Jef doesn't want kids. Looks like everyone in the family is making that painfully clear. Good thing the family doesn't have any motives to deter another 2 people from joining the family.
HOMETOWN 3: Arie
8:03 - Last season it was a huge, traumatic deal when Emily went to the racetrack. This season? WHEEEEEE!
8:13 - You're going to speak Dutch, then I'm giving everyone a dutch oven. When you're in 'Merica you speak 'Merican damnit. (Side: Wikipedia has a full length entry on pulling the covers over your bedmates face and farting. Bless them.)
8:17 - Arie is ready to marry. Emily's most important factor on accepting his proposal? How much smear-proof makeup costs. Because Arie Stevie Wonder kisses.
HOMETOWN 4: Sean
8:23 - That pasture is where the Dallas Cowboy's famous coke house once stood. When razed, each dandelion now represents a tear from Leon Lett.
8:31 - Sean lives with mommy and daddy?
ED Note: I had taken pics of all the stuffed animals and was going to insert them here. Further, I was about ready to call this bedroom reveal one of the top 5 moments in this show's history. Turns out Sean was playing a practical joke. We got trolled.
8:36 - The most interesting thing about this hometown date is the awesome high backed swing Sean and his mom use.
8:37 - We never did see where Sean lives. Just saying...
8:38 - Fucking guy is going to get an Adidas contract if he keeps this chasing shit up.
8:42 - Harrison finally shows up and seems to be accentuating the negative in every hometown date. I wonder why he would do that?
8:51 - ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz. Emily might be the franchise killer. UNLESS... next Bachelor? TOM CRUISE!
8:59 - Chris is an agressive dumpee.
Going Home: Chris
Next Week: Over. Night. Dates. You want more kids, boys? Prove it.