Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 5
It's week 5 of The Bachelor: Winemaker.
Last week we were down, down on the range. Where the fly fishin' is fly and the Clay Walkers are music "superstars". The Model also came out of her shell and started down the path of stardom. Can she press on the gas even harder?
7:00 - A fedora and linen make for a very fine Tommy Bahama ad. They don't, however, provide "Latin Swagger".
7:05 - While wearing a Be Nice shirt, The Model informs us, twice, that bitches need to check themselves. And it's completely un-ironic. I love this show so very much.
7:07 - While at the sno-cone stand, Niki says "we're doing things we've never done before". You know, like eating a dick shaped, flesh colored sno-cone.
7:12 - Rule #1 of Latin Swagger Club? You don't talk about your Latin Swagger.
7:13 - Pachelbel Cannon? Did you know that was the name of the song they play when a bride enters a wedding? Yes? Then you like the comfort of a man in your bed. Or are The Winemaker. (Ed. Note: This actually sparked a mini-debate. One viewer in the room said that every beginners piano book has this song and that most musical people would know this.)
7:30 - FINALLY. A reason to legitimately put these Live Blogs on this site... BEISBOL! And they're playing a game for a date? Has Bud Selig been advising The Bachelor? That'd be so sweet if he showed up and had to call a tie.
7:33 - That locker room was definitely a porn set at one time.
7:35 - Roberto Clemente's last name was Walker?
7:38 - "Who knew strippers could play baseball." "They had their shot at the championship. Come on, rub some dirt on it, walk it off". The Model is a quote machine. She's, shall we say, a major league shit talker?
7:38 - Sorry.
7:51 - Previous relationships? You want to know about The Winemaker's relationships Kaci B? He got down on a knee, proposed and then got dumped. All in front of 8 million people watching on national TV. Google it. It'll be less awkward.
7:56 - When models want to go skinny dipping, just say yes. You'll never regret it. Ever.
8:05 - One on one with Elyse, who has the body every guy lifting at your gym wants.
8:13 - Axed. But not before he picked up the rose, started with the sweet talk and proclaimed that he was banishing him... errr... her home. Get on that dinghy woman. And sail off into that dark ocean called life.
8:26 - "I don't know if he's every skinny dipped with a model before. Could be fun, you never know."
8:30 - "Hopefully I'm a site for sore eyes. After that date with Elyse, I bet his eyes are sore."
8:31 - And the fully nude skinny dip happens. The WInemaker give his aerator a little tug before he hits the cold ocean water. Pretty vetrean move for a guy that tried to turn fully nude skinnydipping with a model down. Twice.
8:39 - The Model is a star. She is having batting .430 with 25 HRS and 90 RBI's halfway through the season. I don't think we have a limit on where she can take this season.
8:47 - Let the cutting begin.
8:51 - Big Red is done. Not even her excellent kissing was able to keep her alive. If there was an award for most pathetic sounding cry, she'd win the final rose for that.
Next Week?
My Mojo? Rising.
