It's week 4 of The Bachelor: Winemaker.
Last week Shawntel was aborted after trying a sneak attack date in San Francisco. This week the grape god takes the 13 remaining bachelorettes to Park City Utah. Because lilly white people love Park City Utah.
7:04 - Fresh WC and I sat through 7 hours of Bachelor taping. If you think Chris Harrison is shooting these 3 minute monologues in multiple takes, think again. He's the Peter North of reality dating shows. The first shot is the money shot. Do not Google this at work.
7:11 - If you're old enough to want to get married, you're old enough to take out the nose ring. What's the point after high school? Employers don't take you seriously. Men think you're a slut. And your parents are embarrassed. Take it out.
7:15 - Nosering is straining for conversation and The Winemaker seems perplexed. What's holding her back? Ben, it's a little thing called acumen. Grey matter isn't distributed equally amongst humans.
7:31 - Bachelor Pro Tip: When you announce your plans to go horse riding, look for the overly enthusiastic reaction. That girl probably has daddy issues.
7:37 - Props when props are due... The Model catching a fish with a fly reel is genuinely impressive. Unless it was rigged by the producers. I don't put anything past those devil people. They probably shocked the water and zapped that poor fish into cardiac arrest. Forget I said anything. They definitely electrocuted that fish.
7:47 - "I don't see this going much further." NEVER. EVER. Put baby in a corner. You got multiple group dates and you have the stones to complain? TO HELL!
7:49 - Also, mush like nose jewelry, electric pink suitcases aren't a buying sign for marriage.
8:00 - The Model is Evaristo Felice Dall'Abaco. Ben is a Stradivarius.
8:22 - Point of clarification: Clay Walker is not a superstar. Lady Gaga? Superstar. Prince? Superstar. Clay Walker is playing a faux-concert for a Bachelor date. Not that he's a bad act. Quite the opposite, but let's pump the brakes on the superlatives. Also, if he's married to a supermodel, he's getting dumped soon. Right Seal?
8:34 - Ladies, this is your great hope here. She beat the odds of her childhood and become successful. She's set and reached several goals in life and over-achieved. She's a EFFING doctor. And she can't help herself from shit talking other women. If she can't rope in the crazy, is there hope for anyone else?
8:44 - "I know myself really well". Amen.
8:45 - The doctor got PWND. If you're going to play the shit talking game, you better be ready to PLAY THE SHIT TALKING GAME. You can't half-ass is, Doc. Also, you got a 'Winning' dropped on you. At the time of taping, this probably was a lot more impactful than it is now.
8:57 - Only one jogged off tonight. Hopefully Monica's future wife is thankful for this dumping.
8:58 - "I was just there." Of course she was. Of course she was.
You better check yourself bitch. Beacuse The Model is taking off her clothes.