It's week 8 of The Bachelor: Winemaker.
Last week the Model gave us the double barrel finger guns while the Rx was banished after barehanding some lobster. Let's get to the hometown dates.
7:02 - Lindzi's hometown of Ocala is up first. And she takes him to her horse farm. You know how many poor people have horse farms? No poor people have horse farms. And to have a horse farm in Florida? CHA-CHING.
7:11 - "We have a tradition at the Cox household... carriage racing." Later, they'll be heading to the Duck Tales gold vault for a swim. Then maybe to Occupy Ocala to burn a pile of one dollar bills. Such a worthless denomination.
7:14 - "He wasn't good for her." Translation = son of a bitch only had a low-yield IRA after Bernie Madoff screwed his daddy silly. Motherfucker was probably driving a Ford.
7:25 - It's time for Kasey B's hometown date in Clarksville TN, about an hour north of Nashville. Little known fact: Clarksville TN the birthplace of yeast infections.
7:36 - How old is the sister again? (Who is much more familiar with the straight iron, by the way.)
7:40 - Ben, dad doesn't like you. Not even a little.
7:41 - Kasey B's parents are making cockblocking look EASY. It's a tour de force of turnoff. I DON'T want you moving in. I WON'T give approval for marriage. Thanks for nothing mom and dad.
7:51 - Next, The Winemaker is off to Fort Worth TX for a date with Nicki. Here's a picture of Nicki getting hammered in Fort Worth.
7:53 - Cowboy hats aren't for everyone. Remember that.
8:05 - Now that's a sensitive man, friends. Doug feels he let Nicki down by giving her hand away too readily. As he sheds tears of joy at his daughters newfound happiness with Ben. Followed by a moving toast at dinner. Ben might be more attracted to Doug than Nicki by the end of this date. I know I am.
8:08 - L-Bomb.
8:14- Scottsdale AZ. It's Model time.
8:18 - "A newfound appreciation for new love." I don't know what that means, but it's so true.
8:23 - What the hell was that meet the parents date? Normal? Quite the letdown, Courtney. Let's talk turkey here. I've been described as 'nice' by many good looking girls. You know how many of them wanted to get married? That's right... none. Girls don't use the word nice as a compliment.
8:31 - Forced wedding vow writing? A fake wedding? This is girl is like Ray Lewis playing high school football. The same game, but it really wouldn't be fair for Ray Ray to pad up Friday nights. (Side: if he doesn't pick Courtney for the final rose, how does the girl he does pick feel right now?)
8:34 - He put a ring on it.
Rose 1 - Courtney.
Rose 2 - Lindzi.
Rose 3 - Nicki.
Cut - Kasey B. A win for overbearing parents everywhere. What the fuck happened? Well Kasey... there is no way you're watching tonight's show and happy with mom and dad. What the fuck indeed.
Overnight dates. And a surprise guest.