The New Club that Puts Punk-Ass 'Cardinals Nation' to Shame
Written by HMW   
Thursday, 18 February 2010 08:00

baseballbunchA quick note about this first paragraph: everything below it is way too important to bother looking up facts (or this paragraph isn't that important, same thing).

About a week or so ago, I think it was Alvin Reid of maybe the Globe-Democrat, or the Belleville Whatever Thing (oh, and Donnybrook!) wrote an article about the newish* $19.95 Cardinals Nation club (*I think it's been offered for a while). A day or two later, some guy from some website expanded a bit on that topic over at insidestl.com.

The fine readers of InsideSTL had a polite rebuttal to said article, explaining their disagreement on how much of a deterrent Cardinals Nation would be to their every day lifestyle, if they happened to participate.

But now, going forward - no matter what they say - there will be no dispute as to which club kicks ass, and which "Nation" needs to go to Suck Rehab and fight their suck demons of sucktitude.

As a quick reminder, here are the perks you get for your $19.95 to join Cardinals Nation:

  • Membership Card from the Cardinals
  • 2 tickets to a regular season 2010 Cardinals game (via e-mail voucher to be redeemed online; terms and conditions may apply)
  • Complimentary Next-generation Gameday and audio experience
  • 10% Off Entire Purchase coupon for the St. Louis Cardinals Team Store (terms and conditions may apply)
  • 10% Off Entire Purchase coupon for the stlcardinals.com Online Shop (terms and conditions may apply)
  • Buy-One-Get-One-Free Busch Stadium Tour coupon (terms and conditions may apply)
  • Exclusive ticket discount offers and pre-sales throughout the 2010 season
  • Monthly Drawing for game tickets, autographed items and more
  • Special Access to Cardinals Nation members-only pages
  • Exclusive Club Message Board
  • Exclusive Cardinals desktop wallpapers

Snooze button...

But what about our club?

The Cardinal Badass Torture Chamber Machete Carnage Destruction Squad

  • A black Under Armour shirt with the club logo and name on it
  • Brass Knucks
  • One month of being accompanied by a Ninja or Bob Gibson (your choice)
  • 10% off Homestyle Buffet visit, provided you drive Jack Clark to and fro
  • Access to the new "profanity section" at Busch - where player heckling, colorful language, racial slurs, and wife-boning threats are highly encouraged.
  • Group outings to go drop a deuce on Cubs fans' Welcome Mats, featuring guest hosts (and participants) athooks and HMW.
  • Chris Duncan humping bobblepelvis
  • The Chris Duncan porn, "Dunc in Your Trunk"
  • The "Rick Ankiel Nailed These Girls in '09" yearbook
  • Cards Diaspora INsider Access (okay, that's pretty much a link to our Twitter accounts)
  • Exclusive access to weekly chats with Ricky Horton, accompanied by Jesus
  • Monthly drawings for Blogger Training, Penthouse Lap Dances, free tasers and more

For just $19.92 (how you like that undercut, Cardinals Nation?), join the Cardinal Badass Torture Chamber Machete Carnage Destruction Squad and this can all be yours!

You just got served Bill DeWitt.


Digg! Reddit! Facebook! Technorati! StumbleUpon! BallHype: hype it up!
Comments (2)Add Comment
...
written by Z, February 18, 2010
To whom do I make the check for $19.92 out to?
...
written by Mark G, February 19, 2010
I am in. Any chance I can have Bob Gibson dress as a ninja?

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