I decided to give eBay a break for one day and look to the clearance section of MLBShop.com for some crappy Cardinal gift inspiration.
And I think radio broadcasts of old Cardinal games qualify as the crappiest of the crappy – especially when you see what instant classics they chose to sell.
Now, I can’t even tell if that’s a CD case, cassette tape, or if Jay Randolph Sr. jumps out of the box (okay, flops out…), grabs his microphone, and pretends some Whiteyball is being played for three hours in your kitchen.
Before you jump down my throat saying how cool it is to listen to games on the radio, as opposed to 40 and 50 inch high def TV screens these days, let me give you the lineup and descriptions (plus the price) for all four of these clearance items:
09/20/1985 – Montreal Expos @ St. Louis Cardinals: Schatzeder homers for own cause, but St. Claire can’t hold a 3-3 tie. Cards win 5-3. ($5.97)
05/08/1998 – St. Louis Cardinals @ New York Mets: McGwire 2-run HR in 3rd his 400th, but Brian McRae hits 3-run shot in 4th, Mets win 9-2. ($5.97)
04/15/1989 – New York Mets @ St. Louis Cardinals: Guerrero’s RBI single in 10th gives Cards 3-2 walk-off win. ($5.97)
09/30/1990 – Pittsburgh Pirates @ St. Louis Cardinals: Drabek 3-hit CG for 22nd win, Pirates win 2-0, clinch NL East. ($7.97…wait, huh?)
I won’t dismiss an opportunity to pass on listening to Jack Buck’s voice very often, but I’d recommend spending your six bucks covering your head with a pillowcase and rubber band if you want to fall asleep for three hours.
[The real song goes "Four Calling Birds," so this post was very fitting in an unintentional way. Get it: four games, calling Birds...as in "calling the Birds on the radio". Ha ha, that is some super stuff. I feel like Jim Nantz. Yeah, I'm gay.]