Cards Diaspora - A St. Louis Cardinals Blog
The St. Louis Cardinals thumped the San Francisco Giants last night in Pac Bell or whatever the hell it’s called Park. They’ll tussle again today around 2p STL time.
A long time ago I got a job offer in San Francisco. They even flew me out for a couple days to check out the city. The company with questionable taste even went so far as to bring in a real estate broker to talk to me about some areas of the city I might want to live in.
He pulled out a map, asking: “Do you have a million dollars for a down payment on a home?”
LOLz
A red X marred big swaths of his little map and the questions turned, shall we say, a little more realistic: “Do you mind fog banks?” “Any problem with new immigrants?”
Point is – San Francisco is RIDICULOSLY expensive. New York, LA, Chicago… they’re expensive but SF you have to be a BALLER to really live well.
That being said, here’s a breakdown of the super-premium seats in last nights game:
+++ 30 total super premium seats
+ 11 unused
+ 3 Cardinal fans! (Including what appear to be 2 unsupervised children!!)
+ 2 guys with no Giants gear on wearing scarves. Of course they are.
+ 1 Trayvon Martin supporter.
+ 1 Giant fan that bought a cap at the gift shop before he sat down
+ 1 asshole on his phone. Of course he is.
+ 3 teenage girls whose dad is really, really rich.
+ 1 thumb sucking woman sitting alone.
+ 7 ransoms
Thankfully the poor people were sanctioned off by a sturdy brick wall. And yes, we must really be getting into baseball season when we’re working this hard for material.
no commentsSometimes we look for story ideas on Google News.
Just type in ‘St. Louis Cardinals’ in the search box and endless amounts of stories pop up for us to plagiarize and then put up on our site as our own and take all the glory.
But sometimes the stories are so apropos, there really just isn’t much to comment on. I think this sums up a 1-4 home stand pretty succulently. Especially when a loss to the Cubs is involved.
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YOU GUYS!!! What in the world is even going ON right now???
I can't help but panic, as it's traditionally what I do every single time the Cardinals lose to the Cubs. But COME ON! CLEARLY there is something off in the universe when this happens with any sort of regularity.
Seriously? Those guys? This team? This year? I must have been seeing things. SURELY, this very competent team did not commit three errors in one game. SURELY, I must be hallucinating that Jake Westbrook gave up 11 hits over five innings.
There is NO WAY that Alfonso Soriano did useful things.
I just can't believe any of this absurd information. After that completely depressing series against Atlanta, there is NO WAY the birds on the bat extended this losing streak to four games.
Right?
RIGHT????
I didn't even see the end of it. I'll be honest, after the sixth inning I was distracted (like Master Hooks!) with the Bachelorette. And I genuinely don't know which broadcast was more depressing/humiliating to watch. I don't feel good about myself, but at least I didn't want to throw a rock through my friend's television while watching that pretty blond lady hand out roses to a bunch of weirdos.
I mean, at least none of those idiots made ME feel like an idiot. Now I have to go about my business tomorrow while trying to pretend like I don't want to hide a dead rodent under the driver's seat of Alfonso Soriano's car. And I do. I REALLY do. (You can find my "rotting carcass" wanted ad on Craig's List!)
You guys, I knew the Redbirds weren't going to win every series and be 20 games in first place by June 1st. But I was feeling pretty good there for awhile and don't think it's too much to ask that this band of misfits (NOT) pull their SHIT TOGETHER (yes) and beat the Dubs (DURRRRR).
I'm hardly making sense anymore. This is what happens when you combine Boggs and rose ceremonies. I do NOT recommend it. (Dad, seriously. I mean it!) Let's just go back to winning baseball games and whatnot. Order needs to be restored so I can ignore my impulse to drive an eighteen wheeler through an elementary school.
Plus, I'm honestly not sure how much access I have to Alfonso Soriano's car. It breaks my heart as much as it does yours.
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Friends, it's been too long.
After the soul enriching love story of Ashley and JP commenced last summer, there was a void. A pretty big one.
Long no more, America. The Bachelorette is back and former property of The Womack has tossed her heart into the ring and will parse down 25 hunky hunks into one reverse proposal. Along the way we're going to see some cringe. And we're going to talk about it.
Let's date...
8:01 - Emily Maynard is back. Her and The Womack did not pan out. The MBA classes the pair were teaching at Johns Hopkins may or may not be returning for the fall semester.
8:02 - It took exactly one minute to exploit the daughter. She returned shamelessness from mom by releasing latex balloons into the air to poison a flock of migrating birds and exhibiting poor brushing technique on her teeth.
8:13 - Pull ups. Tiny dogs. Wood dealing. Divorces. Spinal trauma. Kick flips. 2012 Bachelorette.
8:16 - When your Bachelorette has been widowed by a man who drove a race car, the logical Bachelor choice is... a race car driver. Over/under on the number of boners in the casting office when his application came through? 6?
8:24 - "Life isn't measured in the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." -- The Fitness Model. Bless his heart. He took 2 months to memorize that and then fumbled the delivery. Poor guy. (We already had a "Who has two thumbs and going to marry Emily?... This guy." Yes, really.)
8:37 - Jef with one F tosses a skateboard into the bushes after he goes Marty McFly trailing the limo. Right after, Jason Taylor lite tells us that he finds nothing more sexy than a single mom. Amazing television people. Why is this show not doing a 100 share? I mean NOTHING is more sexy than a single mom? Not ONE THING?
8:43 - Oh, but wait. He really IS a woman under his "real" clothes. Surprise!
8:47 - The more mushroom farmers on network TV, the better. Finally a fungus among us.
8:50 - Kalon, the luxury brand specialist, takes a helicopter in, eschewing the limo. Walks into the group cold and asks 'where's the bar'. A special shout out to the the guy who responded... "over there, choppa style."
9:00 - Note to self: bobble heads make you hot. Have little kids write love notes. Etc al.
9:05 - Ever wonder what Brian Johnson did after detention in The Breakfast Club? Looks like he started a water company, took an F off of Jeff and tried out for a reality dating show:
9:07 - We've identified 'Wolf' as the STL Bachelorette contestant. Why he has 'Wolf' in quotation marks by his name, is still in question. But considering the storied lineage of STL Bachlorette contestants (THIS GUY), I don't know if we, as a collective city, want to find out.
9:08 - Unless he bites Kalon.
9:15 - Virtual fist pounds for the guy in the lime green shirt. He isn't making it past tonight, but he's in there mixing up some shit with the big dogs. He's like the Shane Robinson of The Bachelorette.
9:17 - First Impression Rose: to the man who forced/bribed his kid to write a heartfelt, but vague note, filled with platitudes intended to manipulate a single mother. Somehow this man is 50 times more tolerable than Kalon.
9:18 - Wolf is into the second round. Didn't even have to wear a mask.
9:25 - Columbian? Si. Mexican? Si. African American? No. We're thiiiiiiis close to Rev. Sharpton busting up one of these cocktail hours. Don Imus is thiiiiis close to applying.
9:28 - Here's a grown man crying after getting dumped... after a 4 hour cocktail hour.
This season on The Bachlorette:
Don't call Emily's kid 'baggage'. Men crying. You know exactly what else.
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Well that was a pisser of a series...
It’s too early for HMW’s ‘Cardinals Crapmas’, but I think we have an early contender for one of the 12 days. Why are they selling these in May? What audience are they trying to appeal to? So many questions about this outfit…
Tyler Greene, we said it before and we’ll say it again: It’s time to move on. His 0-9 over the weekend dropped his batting average into Albert Pujols territory and that’s just not going to cut it on this team…
Anyone else stumble upon the EPL game between Manchester City and QPR? If you didn’t, you missed one the best sports endings in the history of soccer. Check it out: LINK HERE…
I think I’d be much more disgusted by the mom breastfeeding her kid at 3 years old if she wasn’t good looking. I don’t know what that means exactly, but the moment I start to get outraged I remember I don’t know when the right age to stop breastfeeding is and that this particular mom whipping out a breast in public isn’t a bad thing for America…
The Cardinals are now 3 for 25 with the bases loaded in 2012. And David Freese is beginning to pick up a nasty little habit of hitting into double plays with the sacks drunk…
At 12p today, the Minnesota Governor will approve the new Vikings stadium plan. Barring the NFL just wanting to keep LA open for negotiation leverage down the line (not unreasonable), then it comes down to 3 teams that could go to LA: San Diego, St. Louis and Jacksonville. Probably in that order. Later today the Rams/CVC proposal will come out. Expect to not be happy at how far apart the sides are…
no commentsTonight, The LaRussa joins the immortals. 
Stan, Lou, Gussie. Dean. Smith, Schoendienst, Slaughter. Boyer, Herzog, Sutter. Gibby, Busch, Robinson. And now # 10 goes up in the proverbial rafters; never to be worn again. The highest honor a team can bestow on an employee will be deployed and roar of Cardinal Nation will canonize Tony LaRussa as one of the high priests of baseball in a city religious about baseball.
LaRussa joined the Cardinals in 1996 after a dismal campaign in 1995 that saw the firing of Joe Torre and the replacement tactics of Mike Jorgensen. After years of languishing in the early 90s, the Cardinals had new ownership that wanted to make a statement that they were serious about restoring the luster to a franchise somewhat tarnished.
The bold moved paid dividends early (and often) as the Cardinals went from fourth to first place and touched off a 16 season run that netted 3 NL Pennants and 2 World Series wins. The latest, unbenownced to us, was a curtain call on a career that saw LaRussa end up only short of John McGraw and Connie Mack in MLB wins.
Love him. Hate him.You had an opinion on LaRussa.
But one thing is indisputable… the flop mopped manager won baseball games. And put the Cardinals back on the map as the preeminent National League franchise and often the epicenter of the baseball world.
As compelling as his maddening use of his bullpen was, it’s hard to remember a manager that navigated more turbulence off the field while proactively chasing championships. He endured 2 active player deaths, a humiliating DUI arrest, the passing of a broadcasting legend and readied a team for play to heal a city and country shaken by a terrorist attack on 9/11. Overarching his tenure was the unfolding performance enhancing drug era. His players were lauded for their feats then later turned on for their transgressions during it; LaRussa was there for all of it.
In short, LaRussa made baseball compelling in St. Louis again.
More than anything, that will be his legacy.You may not have been a huge fan.You may have been the hugest fan. Either way, he took the Cardinals from something that you did because there wasn’t much else to do in the summer in St. Louis to a national conversation that centered around our players and our team.
No other Cardinal will ever wear # 10 again on the field for the team other than LaRussa. When you step back and think about it, I don’t think there’s a more appropriate option.
LaRussa, like it or not, shaped your view of St. Louis, baseball and sport in general this last decade and a half.
Tonight, that legacy is cemented.
no commentsYou know what I want to hear when the Cardinals leave a series?
"We got out-executed the whole series," manager Kirk Gibson said. "They outpitched us, outdefended us, they swung the bats better than we did, and we're happy to see them go."
Damn Skippy, Kirk. That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Spot on my man.
The Cardinals got their first sweep of the young 2012 season after coming close several series before. They've only lost 2 series all year and as we've oft repeated on this site - win every series and you'll be in the playoffs with ease.
A special shout out to Alex Fritz (@boxcar_fritz) for his on-going season long depiction of the Cardinals series via Lego men:
I love those things. Especially when you don't put the little cap on them... It really DOES look like Matt Holliday, guys!
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Carlos Beltran does big games, well, BIG.
Grand slams, multi-home run games, 6 RBI games. These are dream days for most MLB batters. Mr. Beltran seems to be pumping out one a week.
In an effort to piggy back on better writers, let's head over to Twitter and see what people are saying about the Carlos...
Bob is one of the most poetic men on Twitter. Seriously, you should follow him if you don't already.
No one does bitter like a Mets fan.
The longer this season from hell that Pujols is having keeps dragging on, the more I'm not convinced this really isn't Pujols.
Baseball card guy is already out trying to make a buck off a big game? Raise your hand if you're surprised.
Oh Sebek. Our thoughts exactly.
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"What did I do?" Really?
Let me take a swing at that.
He got paid.
That check clears whether he's slumping or not. Get real.
No one loves STL fans more than I do - let's make that clear. But we need to get over ourselves and turn the page on this guy. He's gone. We lost him.
Guess what: this slump won't last. He's still awesome. But it's moot because SOMEONE ELSE OWNS HIS CONTRACT.
Let's keep in mind that it's still early May and focus on the guys that are still wearing the Birds on the Bat. Albert's gone.
He'll probably still have a terrific season. But it will be in the AL West. We honestly don't need to consider him again until the WS, which I fully expect the Cards to be competing in.
Go Cards. Go Cards. Go Cards.
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Albert Pujols was the topic de jour on ESPN last week when the World Wide Leader wasn’t pumping its NBA playoff schedule. His season will continue to be a national story all season long as it either continues to devolve into his worst ever or resurrects itself into something that approaches 
being worth 24 million dollars.
Last Friday Mr. Pujols was 0-4 and after his last at bat he was booed by several thousand Angels fans in attendance witnessing his startling fall from super-duper stardom in person.
This set into motion a chain of events: a racking of the brain by Cardinal fans to recall a time where Pujols was booed in St. Louis, a ‘mental health day’ for Pujols on Saturday where he didn’t play and eventually his first home run as an Angel on Sunday.
Pujols refused a curtain call. Publically because he wanted to concerntrate on the game. Privately because he knew it was mocking him and his season thus far.
No one can speak for Pujols and tell us for sure he regrets his move, but I think it’s fair to say that he’s experiencing the difference between St. Louis and Los Angeles.
To wit: Cheryl Marie McCarter Trotter, 61, of Hannibal Mo.
Ms. McCarter passed away the same day that Pujols was riding the pine for the Angels. And in her obituary published yesterday her interests not only named the St. Louis Cardinals as one of her passions, but it also singled out Yadier Molina by name as her favorite player.
Perhaps in her last days she took some solace in the fact that Molina had recently re-upped with the Cardinals?
Ms. McCarter's last remembrance in the paper, though, is a very recent and not so uncommon occurrence in St. Louis. Generations of Cardinal fans grow up and move on from this life with a passion for baseball.
In fact, the best part about being a Cardinal fan, without question, is that you can have a conversation with a 10 year old or a 90 year old about the Cardinals that isn’t just superfluous pleasantries… it’s an actual meaningful conversation with points and counter points.
It’s the connective tissue that binds a city.
Mr. Pujols is now in the midst of his choice to extract himself from this phenomena. And while the passion is sometimes an inconvenience for Cardinal greats, the benefits far outweigh the detriments.
I have no doubt that sometime in the next 25 years Albert will come back to St. Louis and he’ll be treated with a respect and admiration that he doesn’t probably deserve from Cardinal fans. He’ll most likely have his number retired and the remembrances of his Cardinal days restored to Busch Stadium. If I had a dollar to bet, he’d probably say something about being happy to be back with the best fans in baseball.
You know what, he’s probably right.
He’s now experiencing life in real life. And that’s not as pleasant as the insular world we provide for the basballing men of St. Louis. There’s a huge difference in being in the obit and writing your own.
Let’s just hope the money still will be worth it to him down the road.
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